| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Florida Man Scared Silly Over Baby Alligator On Doorstep - You would be right to be shocked if you found Bigfoot taking a dump on your doorstep or the Loch Ness Monster swimming in your pool, but it ain`t a big thing to find a trespassing gator in Florida. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Woman, 71, Arrested For Prostitution! - I know it`s tough trying to make ends meet on Social Security, but does this old bird really need to resort to prostitution? |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Gunbrella: An Umbrella That Looks Like A Rifle, And Can Get You Killed! - Gunbrellas don`t kill people, it`s clueless cops who mistake a gunbrella for a real gun who kill people sporting a gunbrella. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Stop The Insanity! Old Lady, 80, Drives Home In Wrong Car! - When a person reaches age 65 his license should be confiscated, and he should only drive a bumper car in a seedy carnival. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Stop The Insanity! Mom of Bully Punches Woman - You don`t have to be a child psychologist or a rocket scientist to determine why Connie Edmiston`s son is a bully. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Madness In Columbia! Thieves Forced To Abandon Getaway Donkey - You know you are living in a Third World hellhole when a convenience store sells oil, rice, tuna and sardines. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Zombie Scares BeJesus Out of Lady - According to cops Cunningham was stumbling, speaking incoherently, and had bloodshot eyes. A perfect description of a zombie, if you ask me. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Dude Smashes Urn Full Of Human Ashes Over Head Of Brother - The assailant was arrested and charged with felonious assault and domestic violence. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Is Bigfoot Terrorizing Indian Reservation? - The ungodly sounds are probably emanating from the van of a dude with a bumper sticker that reads: If this van is rocking, don`t bother knocking. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Runaway Lemur Attacks 2-Year-Old Girl - I ain`t afraid of no lemur, if the thing came after me I would make a sweater out of the thing before you could say "Holy Cow." |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Two Strippers, Including A Pregnant One, Fight On Stage Over Dollar Bill! - I might attend a Jerry Springer show, but I have too much integrity to ever darken the door of a strip club. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Insanity: French Lady Late For Her Own Funeral! - A mistake is putting the wrong tie on the corpse, delivering the body hours late is a colossal blunder. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Dude Shoplifts From Walmart To Impress Lady - Dude, how about showing some initiative, and looking for a better-paying job, so you won`t have to shoplift from Walmart? |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Pair Of Robbers Who Got 68 Cents From 3 Victims Receive Lengthy Sentences - We need more judges like State District Judge Raymond Angelini, who show compassion for victims, and absolutely no mercy for criminals. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Creep Goes On Wedgie-Spree At Movie Theater - A have a feeling Ross won`t stop his annoying behavior until one of his victims beats the hell out of him, and rams his cell phone down his throat. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Giant Cobra Made Out Of Dung Big Hit With Children - The kids love to play with the giant cobra, and they probably think Bopposov is the greatest artist in the world, or at least in Siberia. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Dude Pelts Girlfriend With Oranges Over Lousy Karaoke Singing - It`s traditional to pelt a lousy singer with rotten eggs or tomatoes, this desperate-for-attention woman got off quite easy. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Suspect Identified By Tattoo Of Her Birth Date - A lady or a gentleman who embarks on a life of crime would be well-advised to get rid of any easily-identifiable tattoos. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Girl, 16, Beaten To Death Over Teasing Friend For Passing Gas - This is an unfortunate incident that should have resulted in embarrassing glances, not punches and death. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Homeowner Discovers Homeless Person Living Inside Her Crawlspace - Tip of the day: Keep your crawlspace locked! |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | KFC Protester Tackled, Pelted With Chicken Wings And Hot Sauce - Tyler has had it protesting KFC, and he has embarked on a less quixotic endeavor, the idealistic teen is now working for Greenpeace`s Save the Artic campaign. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Suspect Returns To McDonald's To Buy Burger 3 Months After Robbery - I`m surprised this character wasn`t arrested by the etiquette police; it`s in bad form to go through the drive-through of a fast food joint that you robbed a few months before. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Bank Robber To Cops: Tired Of Seeing People Younger Than Him Driving Newer Cars - I don`t care what kind of vehicles my neighbors are driving, as long as they don`t decide to take my car for a spin. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Subway Employee Fired Over Refusing To Give Customer Ketchup - In an ideal world the customer should have left the Subway restaurant a satisfied customer with Philly Cheese and ketchup dribbling down his chin. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Dude Wearing Ratty Sweatpants, And Riding A Bike Steals $1.29 Honey Bun - It looks like the smart coppers in Florida have solved another caper, they`ve earned their cups of 7-Eleven coffee, and their Slim Jims today! |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Vibrating Electric Toothbrush Alarms Airplane Passengers - Who wants to be delayed for half an hour, because an idiot forgot to turn off his toothbrush? |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | First Grader's "Finger Gun" Suspension Reversed! - Our children will be OK as long as we let them use their imaginations, and let them have a little bit of fun. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Two Oompa Loompas Beat Holy Crap Out Of Man - I just can`t believe that an evil Leprechaun didn`t steal this dude`s wallet and tinkle on his shoes. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Cougar Clobbers Clueless Clod For Failing To Make Her Climax - As punishment the correctional officers should tell her that she is entitled to a 3-minute conjugal visit with her young boyfriend. |
| Robert Paul Reyes |  | Moron Gets 19 Months For Planning Robbery To Fund Going-To-Jail Party - Loniello is too stupid to be a criminal if he can`t tell the difference between a real gun and a dummy gun, and an undercover FBI agent and a real friend. |
