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Will Says...

Old Ladies Crazy About Old Cowboy Who Rides a Robotic Horse

But I have to tip my hat to the Crazy Cranford Cowboy, a crazy old coot who tools around town atop a robotic horse is a pimp in my book.

Robert Paul ReyesFlorida Man Scared Silly Over Baby Alligator On Doorstep - You would be right to be shocked if you found Bigfoot taking a dump on your doorstep or the Loch Ness Monster swimming in your pool, but it ain`t a big thing to find a trespassing gator in Florida.
Robert Paul ReyesWoman, 71, Arrested For Prostitution! - I know it`s tough trying to make ends meet on Social Security, but does this old bird really need to resort to prostitution?
Robert Paul ReyesGunbrella: An Umbrella That Looks Like A Rifle, And Can Get You Killed! - Gunbrellas don`t kill people, it`s clueless cops who mistake a gunbrella for a real gun who kill people sporting a gunbrella.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Old Lady, 80, Drives Home In Wrong Car! - When a person reaches age 65 his license should be confiscated, and he should only drive a bumper car in a seedy carnival.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Mom of Bully Punches Woman - You don`t have to be a child psychologist or a rocket scientist to determine why Connie Edmiston`s son is a bully.
Robert Paul ReyesMadness In Columbia! Thieves Forced To Abandon Getaway Donkey - You know you are living in a Third World hellhole when a convenience store sells oil, rice, tuna and sardines.
Robert Paul ReyesZombie Scares BeJesus Out of Lady - According to cops Cunningham was stumbling, speaking incoherently, and had bloodshot eyes. A perfect description of a zombie, if you ask me.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Smashes Urn Full Of Human Ashes Over Head Of Brother - The assailant was arrested and charged with felonious assault and domestic violence.
Robert Paul ReyesIs Bigfoot Terrorizing Indian Reservation? - The ungodly sounds are probably emanating from the van of a dude with a bumper sticker that reads: If this van is rocking, don`t bother knocking.
Robert Paul ReyesRunaway Lemur Attacks 2-Year-Old Girl - I ain`t afraid of no lemur, if the thing came after me I would make a sweater out of the thing before you could say "Holy Cow."
Robert Paul ReyesTwo Strippers, Including A Pregnant One, Fight On Stage Over Dollar Bill! - I might attend a Jerry Springer show, but I have too much integrity to ever darken the door of a strip club.
Robert Paul ReyesInsanity: French Lady Late For Her Own Funeral! - A mistake is putting the wrong tie on the corpse, delivering the body hours late is a colossal blunder.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Shoplifts From Walmart To Impress Lady - Dude, how about showing some initiative, and looking for a better-paying job, so you won`t have to shoplift from Walmart?
Robert Paul ReyesPair Of Robbers Who Got 68 Cents From 3 Victims Receive Lengthy Sentences - We need more judges like State District Judge Raymond Angelini, who show compassion for victims, and absolutely no mercy for criminals.
Robert Paul ReyesCreep Goes On Wedgie-Spree At Movie Theater - A have a feeling Ross won`t stop his annoying behavior until one of his victims beats the hell out of him, and rams his cell phone down his throat.
Robert Paul ReyesGiant Cobra Made Out Of Dung Big Hit With Children - The kids love to play with the giant cobra, and they probably think Bopposov is the greatest artist in the world, or at least in Siberia.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Pelts Girlfriend With Oranges Over Lousy Karaoke Singing - It`s traditional to pelt a lousy singer with rotten eggs or tomatoes, this desperate-for-attention woman got off quite easy.
Robert Paul ReyesSuspect Identified By Tattoo Of Her Birth Date - A lady or a gentleman who embarks on a life of crime would be well-advised to get rid of any easily-identifiable tattoos.
Robert Paul ReyesGirl, 16, Beaten To Death Over Teasing Friend For Passing Gas - This is an unfortunate incident that should have resulted in embarrassing glances, not punches and death.
Robert Paul ReyesHomeowner Discovers Homeless Person Living Inside Her Crawlspace - Tip of the day: Keep your crawlspace locked!
Robert Paul ReyesKFC Protester Tackled, Pelted With Chicken Wings And Hot Sauce - Tyler has had it protesting KFC, and he has embarked on a less quixotic endeavor, the idealistic teen is now working for Greenpeace`s Save the Artic campaign.
Robert Paul ReyesSuspect Returns To McDonald's To Buy Burger 3 Months After Robbery - I`m surprised this character wasn`t arrested by the etiquette police; it`s in bad form to go through the drive-through of a fast food joint that you robbed a few months before.
Robert Paul ReyesBank Robber To Cops: Tired Of Seeing People Younger Than Him Driving Newer Cars - I don`t care what kind of vehicles my neighbors are driving, as long as they don`t decide to take my car for a spin.
Robert Paul ReyesSubway Employee Fired Over Refusing To Give Customer Ketchup - In an ideal world the customer should have left the Subway restaurant a satisfied customer with Philly Cheese and ketchup dribbling down his chin.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Wearing Ratty Sweatpants, And Riding A Bike Steals $1.29 Honey Bun - It looks like the smart coppers in Florida have solved another caper, they`ve earned their cups of 7-Eleven coffee, and their Slim Jims today!
Robert Paul ReyesVibrating Electric Toothbrush Alarms Airplane Passengers - Who wants to be delayed for half an hour, because an idiot forgot to turn off his toothbrush?
Robert Paul ReyesFirst Grader's "Finger Gun" Suspension Reversed! - Our children will be OK as long as we let them use their imaginations, and let them have a little bit of fun.
Robert Paul ReyesTwo Oompa Loompas Beat Holy Crap Out Of Man - I just can`t believe that an evil Leprechaun didn`t steal this dude`s wallet and tinkle on his shoes.
Robert Paul ReyesCougar Clobbers Clueless Clod For Failing To Make Her Climax - As punishment the correctional officers should tell her that she is entitled to a 3-minute conjugal visit with her young boyfriend.
Robert Paul ReyesMoron Gets 19 Months For Planning Robbery To Fund Going-To-Jail Party - Loniello is too stupid to be a criminal if he can`t tell the difference between a real gun and a dummy gun, and an undercover FBI agent and a real friend.
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