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Will Says...

Dude Eats Scrambled Eggs in Middle of Busy Street

Death to all performance artists.

Robert Paul ReyesDude Spots Man Riding His $1,500 Stolen Trek 7500 Bicycle - Joseph Joseph should change his name to "Moron Moron", he confessed to buying stolen property which is a crime.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Leaves Boring Party, Gets Lost In The Woods, & Is Terrorized By Bear - Moral of this story: When you go to Sweden stay away from bears and the people as well. In fact, forget about taking your vacation in Sweden.
Robert Paul ReyesGentlemen Horrified By Women Exposing Wrinkled Cleavage - Guys witness lots of horrible things in their lifetimes, we shouldn't be needlessly subjected to the spectacle of a middle-aged lady wearing a low-cut dress that exposes her wrinkled breasts.
Robert Paul ReyesRedneck Dad Shoots Son: Ashamed Of His Singing At Karaoke Hoedown - Ollie Sr. is 70-freaking-years-old, he should learn to chill out; I hope his son plays the song they were arguing over at his funeral.
Robert Paul ReyesNightmare In Tulsa: Library Infested With Bedbugs - The Internet is making libraries obsolete and permissive librarians are speeding up the process by allowing anyone to enter.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity: Shoplifting Boob Flees Store Topless! - The saddest aspect of this story is that apparently this oxygen thief has a baby, it's almost pre-ordained that her offspring will be a criminal
Robert Paul ReyesFelon Tests Gun, Blows Away His Nuts To Kingdom Come! - A wag asked the pertinent question: Will this moron be sent to a women's prison?
Robert Paul ReyesAre Homeowner's Associations Communist Or Satanic? - I'm certain that there's a homeowner's association in every zone in hell: A homeowner's association devil will fine you or gouge your eyes out if you don't keep your home appropriately hot.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Dude Paints Grass To Keep It Green! - Tim can do whatever he wants, but Mandy and I prefer natural grass even if it gets a little bit brown during dry periods.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Goes Zombie On His Old Lady Because She Broke His Beloved Bong! - The herb lover denied the allegations, but the Man still arrested him and charged him with domestic battery.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Neighbors Fight Over Fake Gonads - I've heard of neighbors fighting our property lines, loud music and barking dogs, but this is just nuts.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Arrested For Stealing Snickers Bar - Betty White's career was revitalized when she filmed a Snickers commercial, but this dude's reputation as a loser was cemented by his theft of a Snickers bar.
Robert Paul ReyesCops Arrest Drunken Men Who Weren't Wearing A Stitch Of Clothing - They should move to San Francisco where it is perfectly legal to stroll around in the buff.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Old Lady Kills 14,000 Slugs In Her Garden - Hikka really needs to find a new hobby, hasn't she heard of knitting or Bingo?
Robert Paul ReyesTeen Eats Magic Mushrooms And Shoots Himself - Kids stay away from hallucinogenic mushrooms, herb lovers might reach for a bong or a bag of Doritos but they will never reach for a gun and harm themselves or anybody else.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Wants To Build Zombie Theme Park In Detroit! Perfect Setting For The Undead - The zombie apocalypse is already here in Detroit, might as well make a buck from the undead.
Robert Paul ReyesSuspect's Mommy Foils Robbery: She Grabs Toy Gun From Son's Hand - By coincidence the suspect`s mother entered the store to do some shopping, and she grabbed the toy gun from her son`s hand, and pushed the idiot out of the store.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Lady Hits Cheating Hubby Upside Head With Bag Of Ice Cream - This is simply an outrage; I can`t believe any store would sell ice cream in a bag.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Steals Gold & Diamonds To Make A Dental Grill - There has never been a man who wore a grill who wasn`t an idiot, and if an intelligent man put on a grill he would look like a moron.
Robert Paul ReyesWacko In Waco! Zombie Eats Family Dog! Zombie Apocalypse Near? - If Obama dines on Bo it doesn`t mean he turned into a zombie, it just means he was feeling nostalgic about his childhood in Indonesia.
Robert Paul ReyesTeen Thief Gets Hand Stuck In Soda Machine! - The silly kid was arrested, and he will be charged with petty theft.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Poor Woman Furious Over Sitting Next To Dead Person On Long Flight - The poor passenger sought compensation, and all she got from the airline was a measly $713.
Robert Paul ReyesScottish History Buffs Told: You Can't Recreate Battle Using Swords & Axes - Boys will be boys, what fun is it recreating a battle that took place in 1314 if you can`t brandish axes and swords?
Robert Paul ReyesDunkin' Donuts Employee Accidentally Drops Pot With Bank Deposit - Dunkin` Donuts is a perfect place for a stoner to work, on her break Kim can go to her car and smoke a joint, and when she returns to work she can eat a dozen donuts.
Robert Paul ReyesFreaky Speedo-Wearing Cop Fired, Then Reinstated - Any dude, not just a cop, who wears a Speedo should be arrested by the Fashion Police.
Robert Paul Reyes400-Pound Woman Takes Off Her Clothes & Calmly Waits For Bus - McCollum collects Social Security disability checks, is there a bleeding heart who wishes this woman a long healthy life?
Robert Paul ReyesInsanity: Male Principal Loses Bet: Milks Cow Dressed As Lady Gaga! - It`s appropriate that it was a male principal who dressed as Lady Gaga given that the pop diva looks like a drag queen on crack.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Arrested For Calling Police Headquarters Pretending To Be Obama - Slater threw away his summons near a Dunkin' Donuts, and it should come as no surprise that it was found by a donut-loving cop.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Hits Bicyclist Upside The Head With Sausage, And Steals His Bike! - It's a nauseating experience to watch sausages being made, and it's humiliating to be hit upside the head with a sausage.
Robert Paul ReyesLady Moons Cop At A Police Station: Ain't No Shame In Her Game! - It's never the right time to moon a police officer at a police station, that's just begging for trouble
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