|Robert Paul Reyes||England: Zombie Takes A Bite Out Of Leather Bus Seat - A bus is a perfect place for a zombie to hang out; he fits in with the homeless, thugs, mashers, and other weirdoes who rely on public transportation.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Man Put Screaming Daughter In Trunk Of Car In Front Of Witnesses - Nguyen was arrested on child abuse charges, his daughter should be permanently taken away from him.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dumb Criminal Identified By Tattoo On His Forehead - The police found Jesus cowering in an alley, he had his victim's business checks in his possession. This sorry excuse for a human being was charged with a felony count of armed robbery.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Lady, 89, Scares Away Burglars With Gun! - When the cowardly burglars saw the old woman with her gun pointing at them, they took off running like schoolgirls who had just witnessed Mike Tyson eating Justin Bieber's ear.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Burglar Hits Homeowner Upside His Head With Toilet Bowl Lid - Maybe getting conked on the head with a toilet bowl lid knocked some sense into the homeowner, and he will buy a firearm post haste.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Spots Man Riding His $1,500 Stolen Trek 7500 Bicycle - Joseph Joseph should change his name to "Moron Moron", he confessed to buying stolen property which is a crime.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Leaves Boring Party, Gets Lost In The Woods, & Is Terrorized By Bear - Moral of this story: When you go to Sweden stay away from bears and the people as well. In fact, forget about taking your vacation in Sweden.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Gentlemen Horrified By Women Exposing Wrinkled Cleavage - Guys witness lots of horrible things in their lifetimes, we shouldn't be needlessly subjected to the spectacle of a middle-aged lady wearing a low-cut dress that exposes her wrinkled breasts.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Redneck Dad Shoots Son: Ashamed Of His Singing At Karaoke Hoedown - Ollie Sr. is 70-freaking-years-old, he should learn to chill out; I hope his son plays the song they were arguing over at his funeral.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Nightmare In Tulsa: Library Infested With Bedbugs - The Internet is making libraries obsolete and permissive librarians are speeding up the process by allowing anyone to enter.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Stop The Insanity: Shoplifting Boob Flees Store Topless! - The saddest aspect of this story is that apparently this oxygen thief has a baby, it's almost pre-ordained that her offspring will be a criminal|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Felon Tests Gun, Blows Away His Nuts To Kingdom Come! - A wag asked the pertinent question: Will this moron be sent to a women's prison?|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Are Homeowner's Associations Communist Or Satanic? - I'm certain that there's a homeowner's association in every zone in hell: A homeowner's association devil will fine you or gouge your eyes out if you don't keep your home appropriately hot.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Stop The Insanity! Dude Paints Grass To Keep It Green! - Tim can do whatever he wants, but Mandy and I prefer natural grass even if it gets a little bit brown during dry periods.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Goes Zombie On His Old Lady Because She Broke His Beloved Bong! - The herb lover denied the allegations, but the Man still arrested him and charged him with domestic battery.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Stop The Insanity! Neighbors Fight Over Fake Gonads - I've heard of neighbors fighting our property lines, loud music and barking dogs, but this is just nuts.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Arrested For Stealing Snickers Bar - Betty White's career was revitalized when she filmed a Snickers commercial, but this dude's reputation as a loser was cemented by his theft of a Snickers bar.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Cops Arrest Drunken Men Who Weren't Wearing A Stitch Of Clothing - They should move to San Francisco where it is perfectly legal to stroll around in the buff.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Outrage: Old Lady Kills 14,000 Slugs In Her Garden - Hikka really needs to find a new hobby, hasn't she heard of knitting or Bingo?|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Teen Eats Magic Mushrooms And Shoots Himself - Kids stay away from hallucinogenic mushrooms, herb lovers might reach for a bong or a bag of Doritos but they will never reach for a gun and harm themselves or anybody else.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Wants To Build Zombie Theme Park In Detroit! Perfect Setting For The Undead - The zombie apocalypse is already here in Detroit, might as well make a buck from the undead. |
|Robert Paul Reyes||Suspect's Mommy Foils Robbery: She Grabs Toy Gun From Son's Hand - By coincidence the suspect`s mother entered the store to do some shopping, and she grabbed the toy gun from her son`s hand, and pushed the idiot out of the store.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Stop The Insanity! Lady Hits Cheating Hubby Upside Head With Bag Of Ice Cream - This is simply an outrage; I can`t believe any store would sell ice cream in a bag.|
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dude Steals Gold & Diamonds To Make A Dental Grill - There has never been a man who wore a grill who wasn`t an idiot, and if an intelligent man put on a grill he would look like a moron.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Wacko In Waco! Zombie Eats Family Dog! Zombie Apocalypse Near? - If Obama dines on Bo it doesn`t mean he turned into a zombie, it just means he was feeling nostalgic about his childhood in Indonesia.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Teen Thief Gets Hand Stuck In Soda Machine! - The silly kid was arrested, and he will be charged with petty theft.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Outrage: Poor Woman Furious Over Sitting Next To Dead Person On Long Flight - The poor passenger sought compensation, and all she got from the airline was a measly $713.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Scottish History Buffs Told: You Can't Recreate Battle Using Swords & Axes - Boys will be boys, what fun is it recreating a battle that took place in 1314 if you can`t brandish axes and swords?
|Robert Paul Reyes||Dunkin' Donuts Employee Accidentally Drops Pot With Bank Deposit - Dunkin` Donuts is a perfect place for a stoner to work, on her break Kim can go to her car and smoke a joint, and when she returns to work she can eat a dozen donuts.
|Robert Paul Reyes||Freaky Speedo-Wearing Cop Fired, Then Reinstated - Any dude, not just a cop, who wears a Speedo should be arrested by the Fashion Police.