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Will Says...

Dude Sues Date for Texting During 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vo. 2'

The lawsuit alleges the woman opened her phone to read and send text messages 10 to 20 times during the film.

Robert Paul ReyesScandal In Seattle: Tourist Complains That Bathroom Stall Doors Are Too Low - It wasn`t an NBA basketball player who complained that the bathroom doors are too low, it was Shahrukh Pestoni, a 5-foot-7 tourist from Toronto.
Robert Paul ReyesBoob Posts Video On YouTube Begging For Money For Boob Job - Lane looked perfectly fine before her plastic surgery; she didn't need bigger boobs, just more self-esteem.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Waits On Hold For 15 Hours To Confirm His Flight With Qantas - Kahn your mission is accomplished: The world knows not to book a flight on Qantas, but they also know that your elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
Robert Paul ReyesRepentant Burglar Returns Loot, Along With Letter Of Apology - Times are hard and we all make mistakes; there but for the grace of God go I.
Robert Paul ReyesPolice Officer Delivers Baby, Mom Didn't Know She Was Pregnant - If a woman who had no idea she was pregnant goes into labor, she needs to call Jenny Craig before she calls 911.
Robert Paul ReyesEngland: Zombie Takes A Bite Out Of Leather Bus Seat - A bus is a perfect place for a zombie to hang out; he fits in with the homeless, thugs, mashers, and other weirdoes who rely on public transportation.
Robert Paul ReyesMan Put Screaming Daughter In Trunk Of Car In Front Of Witnesses - Nguyen was arrested on child abuse charges, his daughter should be permanently taken away from him.
Robert Paul ReyesDumb Criminal Identified By Tattoo On His Forehead - The police found Jesus cowering in an alley, he had his victim's business checks in his possession. This sorry excuse for a human being was charged with a felony count of armed robbery.
Robert Paul ReyesLady, 89, Scares Away Burglars With Gun! - When the cowardly burglars saw the old woman with her gun pointing at them, they took off running like schoolgirls who had just witnessed Mike Tyson eating Justin Bieber's ear.
Robert Paul ReyesBurglar Hits Homeowner Upside His Head With Toilet Bowl Lid - Maybe getting conked on the head with a toilet bowl lid knocked some sense into the homeowner, and he will buy a firearm post haste.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Spots Man Riding His $1,500 Stolen Trek 7500 Bicycle - Joseph Joseph should change his name to "Moron Moron", he confessed to buying stolen property which is a crime.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Leaves Boring Party, Gets Lost In The Woods, & Is Terrorized By Bear - Moral of this story: When you go to Sweden stay away from bears and the people as well. In fact, forget about taking your vacation in Sweden.
Robert Paul ReyesGentlemen Horrified By Women Exposing Wrinkled Cleavage - Guys witness lots of horrible things in their lifetimes, we shouldn't be needlessly subjected to the spectacle of a middle-aged lady wearing a low-cut dress that exposes her wrinkled breasts.
Robert Paul ReyesRedneck Dad Shoots Son: Ashamed Of His Singing At Karaoke Hoedown - Ollie Sr. is 70-freaking-years-old, he should learn to chill out; I hope his son plays the song they were arguing over at his funeral.
Robert Paul ReyesNightmare In Tulsa: Library Infested With Bedbugs - The Internet is making libraries obsolete and permissive librarians are speeding up the process by allowing anyone to enter.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity: Shoplifting Boob Flees Store Topless! - The saddest aspect of this story is that apparently this oxygen thief has a baby, it's almost pre-ordained that her offspring will be a criminal
Robert Paul ReyesFelon Tests Gun, Blows Away His Nuts To Kingdom Come! - A wag asked the pertinent question: Will this moron be sent to a women's prison?
Robert Paul ReyesAre Homeowner's Associations Communist Or Satanic? - I'm certain that there's a homeowner's association in every zone in hell: A homeowner's association devil will fine you or gouge your eyes out if you don't keep your home appropriately hot.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Dude Paints Grass To Keep It Green! - Tim can do whatever he wants, but Mandy and I prefer natural grass even if it gets a little bit brown during dry periods.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Goes Zombie On His Old Lady Because She Broke His Beloved Bong! - The herb lover denied the allegations, but the Man still arrested him and charged him with domestic battery.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Neighbors Fight Over Fake Gonads - I've heard of neighbors fighting our property lines, loud music and barking dogs, but this is just nuts.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Arrested For Stealing Snickers Bar - Betty White's career was revitalized when she filmed a Snickers commercial, but this dude's reputation as a loser was cemented by his theft of a Snickers bar.
Robert Paul ReyesCops Arrest Drunken Men Who Weren't Wearing A Stitch Of Clothing - They should move to San Francisco where it is perfectly legal to stroll around in the buff.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Old Lady Kills 14,000 Slugs In Her Garden - Hikka really needs to find a new hobby, hasn't she heard of knitting or Bingo?
Robert Paul ReyesTeen Eats Magic Mushrooms And Shoots Himself - Kids stay away from hallucinogenic mushrooms, herb lovers might reach for a bong or a bag of Doritos but they will never reach for a gun and harm themselves or anybody else.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Wants To Build Zombie Theme Park In Detroit! Perfect Setting For The Undead - The zombie apocalypse is already here in Detroit, might as well make a buck from the undead.
Robert Paul ReyesSuspect's Mommy Foils Robbery: She Grabs Toy Gun From Son's Hand - By coincidence the suspect`s mother entered the store to do some shopping, and she grabbed the toy gun from her son`s hand, and pushed the idiot out of the store.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Lady Hits Cheating Hubby Upside Head With Bag Of Ice Cream - This is simply an outrage; I can`t believe any store would sell ice cream in a bag.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Steals Gold & Diamonds To Make A Dental Grill - There has never been a man who wore a grill who wasn`t an idiot, and if an intelligent man put on a grill he would look like a moron.
Robert Paul ReyesWacko In Waco! Zombie Eats Family Dog! Zombie Apocalypse Near? - If Obama dines on Bo it doesn`t mean he turned into a zombie, it just means he was feeling nostalgic about his childhood in Indonesia.
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Subcsribe to theSOP's Crazy World audio podcast.
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