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Will Says...

Old Ladies Crazy About Old Cowboy Who Rides a Robotic Horse

But I have to tip my hat to the Crazy Cranford Cowboy, a crazy old coot who tools around town atop a robotic horse is a pimp in my book.

Robert Paul ReyesCops Find Pot-Filled Christmas Presents In Dude's Car - I have a feeling the cops had a very Merry Christmas, smoking all their troubles away. And I have a feeling Palmer had a rotten Christmas, I`m sure his old lady gave him grief for getting the kids in trouble.
Robert Paul ReyesWould You Patronize A Restaurant With Topless Waitresses? - If a topless server asked me if I wanted milk with my coffee, I would be reluctant to say yes. She might just serve me milk straight from the tap...
Robert Paul ReyesCrazy Woman Calls 911 Because She Ate Too Much Food - I've seen pics of the 911 caller online, Mary Ellen Lisee, and homegirl needs to call Jenny Craig, not 911.
Robert Paul ReyesUK Police Chief Mad As Hell: Tired Of Getting Calls About UFO's, Zombies, And Vampires - Chief Constable Ian Arundale is frustrated and annoyed that his officers are forced to waste time and resources responding to calls about zombies, UFO's and vampires.
Robert Paul ReyesThe Case Of The Stolen Christmas Inflatable Penguin - If my readers are wondering why I`m writing about this non-event, it`s because oddball news items often reveal the pettiness of the human experience, and the meaningless of life.
Robert Paul ReyesAn Intruder In His Undies, A Homeowner With A Shotgun, And A Tiki Torch - I would have been so offended at the spectacle of an intruder in his underwear threatening me with a Tiki torch, that I would have blown him away to Kingdom Come.
Robert Paul Reyes70-Year-Old Fruitcake Sells For $525 - My first thought was "why would anyone buy a fruitcake that's not edible?", but then I laughed at my stupidity, a fruitcake isn't edible from the time that it's put on the shelf in a grocery store.
Robert Paul ReyesMan Orders Beer, Robs Bank A Few Doors Away, Returns To Bar! - Did Whittle return to the bar to wait for the cops? Maybe this dude doesn't own a car or a house, and he simply wanted someplace warm (even a jail cell) to spend the holidays.
SOP newswire2Online Dating Tips for 2012 - If you asked a friend a couple of years ago if he or she would post a profile online to find a date, very few would accept the idea.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Wins Lamborghini And Crashes It Six Hours Later - A "Joe Schmo" doesn't have the money to maintain a luxury car, Dopp should never have got behind the wheel. Any person with a modicum of commonsense would have immediately sold the $300,00 vehicle.
Robert Paul ReyesLooney Lady Loads Lots Of Presents In Wrong Car - Gipson should don a Santa's hat or a dunce's cap, and spend the rest of the holiday season trying to kick herself in the rear end.
Robert Paul ReyesWoman: My Date Ditched Me By Stealing My Car! - The woman called the guy when he failed to return after a few minutes, and he told her "I stole your car" and hung up.
Robert Paul ReyesFormer Playboy Model Wins Seat In Russian Parliament - With Maria on Putin's team, Russians may overlook his fascist tendencies, in the same way that Americans may overlook Ron Paul's kooky tendencies if he selected Angelina Jolie as his running mate.
Robert Paul ReyesInsanity At A Toys R Us Store: Dude Attacks Shoppers With Light Saber - It's fortunate that this crazy dude wandered into a Toys R Us instead of an ACE hardware store, a metal axe is a lot more lethal than a plastic light saber.
Robert Paul ReyesFake MD, 81, Gets 1 Year In Jail For Offering Free Breast Exams - When did the two ladies notice something was amiss? Was it when they realized that Winikoff was salivating and that his hands were shaking because he was so excited?
Robert Paul ReyesLady Arrested For Squeezing Husband's Privates in Vero Beach FL. - If a woman squeezed my privates demanding to know where I had hidden her expensive ring, I would sing like a soprano and tell her exactly where I hid it.
Robert Paul ReyesCops Bust Gang of Kids Who Targeted Bass-Shaped Mailboxes - I just did a Google image search of "bass mailbox", and there are over 380,000 results! What kind of a screwed-up world do we live in?
Robert Paul ReyesWoman Sues Dealership: Vehicle Smells Like A Dead Body - Margarita has a legitimate claim, and I hope she wins enough money to buy a luxurious new car with that wonderful new-car fragrance.
Robert Paul ReyesWorld's Largest Christmas Straw Goat Set On Fire! Is Arsonist Hero Or Goat? - Hello! Time to get a clue! The straw goat has been set on fire 28 times, maybe it's time to make the goat out of wood or Styrofoam, anything but straw!
Robert Paul ReyesCop Had Sex In Patrol Car With Hookers! He Paid Them In Cash And Cocaine! - This sorry excuse for a police officer will receive a pension of $27,142 each year for the rest of his miserable life, starting when he turns 46 in four years.
Robert Paul ReyesMost Unusual Rescues By Firefighters - Firefighters deserve every dime they get for having to put up with these morons.
Robert Paul ReyesGentleman Orders Hooker, Daughter Shows Up! Dude Keels Over In Shock! - Titus went back to his wife and family, and his daughter has stopped turning tricks. Or maybe she is plying her trade out of town, so she won't run into her dear old dad again.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Wearing A Santa's Cap Arrested For Throwing Rock At Bus - When you don Santa's hat you have a responsibility to spread good tidings and good cheer. Instead of wishing his fellow passengers "Merry Christmas" or singing "White Christmas", this Scrooge was singing a song with profane lyrics.
Robert Paul ReyesAdults Terrified Of 'Frosty The Snowman' Call 911! - Anybody who is scared of Frosty is in need of therapy, there is nothing menacing or threatening about the loveable Snowman.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Swedish Dude With No Legs Denied Power Wheelchair - Ewert Stefansson lost both of his legs to diabetes, and if anyone needs a souped-up wheelchair it's him.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Two Brats Call 911 For Santa Claus - A lecture by the cops isn't enough, the father should make amends for his unruly children, and dress up like Santa Claus and spank the hell out of his kids.
Robert Paul ReyesMerry Christmas: Female Thief Stabs Busybody With Christmas Ornament! - Christmas tree ornaments usually have an interesting provenance, if Wagner had succeeded in getting away with stealing the ornaments she would have had an interesting story to tell her grandchildren.
Robert Paul ReyesFirefighters Rescue Homeowner Stuck In His Chimney - I know this dude has already suffered enough, but he should be billed for the emergency call.
Robert Paul ReyesAmsterdam Airport Vending Machine Sells Welcome Banners - Have you ever seen a flunky at an airport holding up a banner with the name of a VIP? Ever wish some dude were holding up a sign at an airport welcoming you?
Robert Paul ReyesPot Grower Avoids Jail Sentence, Due To Poor Quality Of His Weed - Potheads may not know jack about about current events, mathematics or just about anything else, but they are experts when it comes to potology.
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