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Will Says...

Old Ladies Crazy About Old Cowboy Who Rides a Robotic Horse

But I have to tip my hat to the Crazy Cranford Cowboy, a crazy old coot who tools around town atop a robotic horse is a pimp in my book.

Robert Paul ReyesWould You Eat A Hissing Cockroach To Win Season Pass To Amusement Park? - I'd rather be Oprah Winfrey's manservant for a year, than eat a single Madagascar hissing cockroach. Call me prissy, but I prefer that my food doesn't hiss.
Robert Paul ReyesBrat, 4, Takes Mother's SUV On A Joyride - If the mom has any sense she will whack his backside and give him a couple more bruises, to make sure he won't engage in any more shenanigans.
Robert Paul ReyesIs 'Moss Man' A Fan Of Halloween Or A Burglar? - The Judge needs to get into the Halloween spirit, and let Moss Man go free!
Robert Paul ReyesMom, Dad & 3-Week Baby Lost In Corn Maze! Mom Calls 911! Dad Mortified! - A dude will admit that his manhood is tiny, before he confesses that he's lost.
Robert Paul ReyesLady 38 Weeks Pregnant Runs Marathon And Then Gives Birth - I wouldn't recommend that every woman who is nine months pregnant run a marathon, but pregnant ladies shouldn't vegetate on the sofa, getting up only to use the restroom or to fix themselves a peanut butter and cucumber sandwich.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Orders Pizza & Beer From Bar On Same Street Where He Just Robbed Bank - The robber ain't gonna be seeing any well-endowed waitresses or enjoying beer where he's headed.
Robert Paul ReyesThief Unwittingly Posted Pic Of Himself On Victim's Facebook Page - This criminal's face has appeared not only on the victim's Facebook page, but in hundreds of newspapers and thousands of Web sites. It's only going to be a matter of time before the hapless thief is apprehended.
Robert Paul Reyes88-Year Old Lady Fights Off Robber - A robber who forces his way into your home doesn't need career counseling, he needs a belly full of buck shot.
Robert Paul ReyesPumpkin Thief Goes Medieval On Fool Who Tried To Stop Him - The pumpkin thief went Medieval on the fool who tried to thwart his crime, sending him to the hospital with head injuries. I hope the idiot has learned his lesson, and will mind his own business from now on.
Robert Paul ReyesFirst Date From Hell: Dude Treats Lady To Ruth's Chris Steakhouse Then Shoots Self - The woman should take this weird incident as a sign that there should be no second date with this loser.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Arrested For Hurling Chicken Wing At His Baby's Mother! - Chicken wings, a baby daddy, a run-down apartment building -- Courtney and his girlfriend should kiss and make, grab a bucket of chicken wings, and audition for the Jerry Springer show.
Robert Paul ReyesLady Sues Strident Chewing Gum: Gum Got Stuck In Her Dentures - Elsie Pawlow should be depressed that she's named after a cow, and that without her dentures she probably has to regurgitate and rechew her food.
Robert Paul ReyesOutrage: Dastardly Fiend Steals Head Of Mascot Stomper The Bear! - This dastardly crime must not go unpunished; I wouldn't go so far as to say "off with the head of the thief", but the fiend needs to do some serious time behind bars.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Pulls Shotgun On Taco Bell Clerk Over Missing Hot Sauce - Police in Missouri said they arrested a man accused of threatening a Taco Bell employee with a shotgun because he did not receive hot sauce with his meal.
Robert Paul ReyesSouth Africa Rejects Chinese Condoms: Too Small! - A South African court has blocked the government from buying 11 million Chinese condoms, saying they are too small, a newspaper reported Friday.
Robert Paul ReyesLady Proud Of Having California's Longest Tongue - A Los Angeles woman can claim the distinction of having California's longest tongue -- nearly 4 inches from tip to lip, the Guinness Book of World Records says.
Robert Paul Reyes'Gumby' Holds Up 7-Eleven: I Was Trying To Cheer People Up! Blockhead! - Jacob is a Blockhead of epic proportions, and he deserves no mercy from the criminal justice system.
Robert Paul ReyesWoman Dumps Cucumber Salad Over The Head Of One-Legged Old Man - If you hobble around on only one leg you shouldn't be subject to indignities like having a low-class woman dump a salad on your head.
Robert Paul ReyesOMG! Woman Has 20 Feet Of Nails On Each Hand! - A Las Vegas woman who has been growing her fingernails out for 18 years was certified as a Guinness World Record holder in New York.
Robert Paul ReyesOfficials In A Small Town Drop Plans To Change Name Of Stoner Avenue - I'm not surprised that pot heads would seek to steal the Stoner street signs, but I'm surprised their plans came to fruition.
Robert Paul ReyesCoffee Shops In San Jose Feature Topless Servers - Police in California said three women were issued public nudity citations for allegedly serving customers in a Vietnamese coffee shop while topless.
Robert Paul Reyes Amateur Stripper With Admirable Work Ethic An Inspiration To Americans - Police in Florida said they arrested a woman who took off her clothes and asked for money at a gentlemen's club, despite not being an employed
Robert Paul ReyesInsanity: 70-Year-Old Sailor Takes Wrong Turn, Ends Up Buried In Sand - A 70-year-old sailor was left high and dry for two days when a wrong turn sent his boat to be buried in sand.
Robert Paul ReyesGroup Sets Guinness World Record For Bar-Hopping - A group of 13 drinkers visited 200 bars throughout New York's Manhattan to set a new Guinness World Record for most pubs visited within a 24-hour-period.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Arrested After He Called Cops To Complain About Escort Service - Police in Kansas said a man was arrested on a charge of patronizing a Escort after he called police to complain about an escort service.
Robert Paul ReyesStop The Insanity! Dude Arrested For 'Maliciously Molesting' Vending Machine! - Police in Florida said they arrested a man who 'maliciously molested, opened, broke, injured, damaged and inserted his body parts" into a vending machine.
Robert Paul ReyesDude Caught At Miami Airport With 7 Snakes And 3 Turtles In His Pants - The U.S. Transportation Security Administration said the man had seven exotic snakes and three tortoises wrapped in nylon bags that had been stuffed into his pants.
Robert Paul ReyesCow-A-Bunga: Minnesotans Going Nuts Over Cow Plop Bingo! - A Minnesota city said its 'cow plop bingo' event, a licensed form of charitable gambling in the state, raised about $2,000.
Robert Paul ReyesLOL: Tracking Tag Attached To Drug Suspect's Prosthetic Leg - A British security firm said it fired two employees who attached a tracking tag to a suspect's prosthetic leg, allowing him to violate his curfew.
Robert Paul ReyesCouple In Hotel Room Overlooking Stadium Thrill Fans With Their Lovemaking - A woman spotted having s(e)x in a hotel room overlooking a Belgian stadium during a soccer match said she and her beau had thought the windows
Subcsribe to theSOP's Crazy World feed.
Subcsribe to theSOP's Crazy World audio podcast.
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