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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Milwaukee Brewers Ban High-Fives to Stop Outbreak of Pinkeye - The Milwaukee Brewers have banned high-fives at spring training in Arizona in an effort to halt the spread of pinkeye among members of the team.

Poodle Dressed as Schoolgirl Walks Upright: Video! Owner Should be Arrested! - A poodle in China is turning heads with a spot-on schoolgirl impression complete with a costume and a one-mile walk on his hind legs.

Active Meth Lab Found in Walmart Bathroom - Entering a Walmart is like entering the lowest level of hell, a sign should greet shoppers reading: Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here!

Church Hosting Naked Spring Break Parties Loses Tax-exempt Status - A local church that has been hosting naked paint parties and slumber-party Sundays with the sexiest ladies on the beach will now have to pay taxes on the property.

Robert Paul Reyes Mentioned in 20th Book - This is vindication that my essays about UFO`s, celebrities, dumb criminals, zombies, and other assorted tomfoolery make a difference.

Giant Alligator Straight Outta Hell Terrorizes Myakka Pines Golf Course - There was a horrifying sight on the Myakka Pines Golf course in Florida, and it wasn`t Tiger Woods humping the 19th hole or John Daly rocking a garish outfit, it was a gigantic alligator straight outta hell.

Serial Pooper Terrorizing Akron, Ohio - Police in Akron, Ohio, said a man photographed defecating on a vehicle is believed to be behind at least 19 incidents of parked car pooping.

Democratic Elite Finally Realizing Hillary Clinton is Damaged Goods - Hillary will never be ready for prime time, her expiration date has passed and she stinks to high heaven. Hillary has more baggage than United Airlines, too many wrinkles to Photoshop, and a philandering husband with too much time on his hands.

Meet Smiley the Therapy Dog Born Without Eyes: Video - A golden retriever named Smiley is living up to his name as a therapy dog who brightens the days of patients and nursing home residents in the small town of Stouffville, Canada.

Facebook Renames 'Feeling Fat' Emoji Amid Protests - When I eat a pizza in one sitting, I feel fat and nothing represents my current status quite like a double-chinned emoji. I`m not dissing the horizontally-challenged community if I select the double-chinned emoji to represent how I feel, so you chubby creeps can pound sand or eat a pound cake.

Time-lapse Video Shows Hillary Clinton Aging From Teen Years to Present! - An unusual time-lapse video made by a Washington, D.C. nonprofit fundraiser and his friends shows former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton aging from her teen years to the present.

Spanish Politician Poses Nude for Campaign Poster - A candidate for local office in Spain`s Basque region is campaigning by baring her body on a poster reading: Politicians have left us stark naked.

Russian Magazine Puts Putin Being Licked by Bear on Cover - Obama, on the other hand is such an ineffectual and effeminate leader, that I`m surprised an American publication hasn`t put a photograph of a bear with Hillary`s face tinkling on Obama.

Viral Video: Buffalo Gets All Up in Girl's Grill - Visitors to a Washington state game farm captured video of a buffalo enthusiastically shoving its face into their car window to feed on scraps of bread.

300 Odd Ducks Wade in Pool With 6,000 Rubber Ducks for Charity - Organizers of Florida`s Duck Derby said some 300 people waded into a pool filled with 6,000 rubber ducks for the chance to win prizes worth up to $5,000.

Man, 95, Breaks 200-meter Sprint Record: Video - A 95-year-old retired dentist in Britain ran 200 meters -- 656 feet -- in 55.48 seconds to set a new world record for runners 95 and older.

Video Features Pajama-clad Bill Cosby Chatting on Rotary Phone! Can You Say 'Sick and Evil'? - Hey, hey, hey, you`re a loathsome serial rapist.

Man Walks on Frozen Lake to Escape Detroit! Wouldn't You? - This dude isn`t nuts, he`s just desperate, I would crawl on my knees, in the middle of winter, in a frozen lake, to escape the execrable city of Detroit.

Indiana Farmer Uses Hot Tub to Save Baby Cow: Video - Who knew farmers had hot tubs? You`d think a farmer would just fill the bed of his truck with water!

Carly Rae Jepsen is the Most Adorable Pop Star in the World! Her Video 'I Really Like You' Rocks! - We really like you Carly!

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