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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

City Puts Up 'Stop Pooping' Signs on Bike Path - Officials in an Illinois town said new signs reading, "Stop pooping on bike path,` are aimed at pooping people rather than defecating dogs.

Slut Walk Baltimore to Protest Bill Cosby Concert - I beg anyone who has purchased a ticket for a Cosby performance to request a refund, and donate the money to a rape counseling organization.

Chelsea Handler: Bill Cosby Tried to 'Cosby' Me! Video! - In a new interview with Esquire magazine, Chelsea Handler says Bill Cosby tried to "Cosby` her. Yes, Handler used the embattled comedian's name as a verb. It's come to that.

Obese Armed Robber Steals Cash and Pizzas From a Domino's Pizzeria - If you are only 5 feet 8 inches tall, and you weigh 350 pounds you are an oxygen thief and a calorie thief, and even if you aren`t an armed robber the world is better off without you in it.

Stripper Attacks Female Coworker Wtih Plastic High-heeled Shoe - A South Carolina stripper has pleaded guilty to assaulting a female coworker with a clear plastic high-heeled shoe that left the victim with puncture wounds in her scalp

Bacon Rage: Woman Shoots Up Drive-thru Window Over Missing Bacon - A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald`s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered.

Driver Spotted With Cat Leashed To Hood: Video - The driver had a smile on her face, seemingly oblivious to the terror her cat was experiencing. Not to mention uncaring that she might have caused a distracted driver to crash.

Michelle Obama's 'Bald Appearance' on Jeopardy Scares Bejesus Out of Viewers - I`m not going to blame the camera angle or lighting for Michelle`s freakish appearance, damn Michelle to hell for scaring the Bejesus out of the American public.

Uncle Dressed in Princess Gown to Take Niece, 4, to 'Cinderella' - Let`s get real what little girl wouldn`t be creeped out by going to see Cinderella with her uncle dressed in drag. Nagby is being hailed as the greatest uncle in the world, but methinks he`s the most clues bastard in the world.

Human Torch Runs 645 Feet While on Fire: Video - An Austrian stunt man ran 645 feet while on fire to break the world record for longest distance run during a full body burn.

USPS Driver Throws Package, Runs Lap Around Van - U.S. Postal Service officials said they have identified a mail carrier caught on camera throwing a valuable package in Oklahoma City.

George Zimmerman Blames Barack Hussein Obama for Stirring Racial Tensions: Video - When asked by his attorney who brought the highest level of unfairness to his case, Zimmerman named the president. Obama said if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin.

Girl, 12, Tried to Kill Her Mom Twice for Taking Away Her iPhone - A 12-year-old girl was accused Friday of trying to poison her mother two different times after the woman took away the girl`s iPhone.

Man Releases Pet Rat to Avoid Paying Restaurant Bill: Video - It`s too bad the UK doesn`t have the death penalty!

Outrage: Small-breasted Gal Gadot to Play Wonder Woman! - Having Gadot play Wonder Woman is an affront to the Almighty, an insult to the legacy of Wonder Woman and an abomination that simply can`t be tolerated.

South American Catfish Named After Star Wars Character 'Greedo': Video - I hope none of my readers has a nightmare about a mermaid that looks like O`Donnell wanting to get jiggy with them.

UFO: Video Depicts Extraterrestrial Being Flying Over Peruvian City! - Holy Flying Alien Being!

Suge Knight Collapses in Courtroom After Bail is Set at $25 million! Tough Guy is a Pussy ...Cat! - Suge is a straight up wimp coward!

World Gone Mad: Children Trudge Through Snow to Hear Pharrell Williams Lecture on Global Warming! - Young children trudging through the latest snow storm to hear a pop singer babble about global warming is a perfect metaphor for global warming hysteria.

Iowa Lawmaker Goes Viral After He's Caught Reading 'Sex After Sixty' On State House Floor - Iowa state Rep. Ross Paustian, R-Walcott, is gaining Internet fame after being photographed on the House floor reading a book titled Sex After Sixty.

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