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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Outrage: Jared Leto's Oscar a Filthy Mess - Talented thespians like Leonardo DiCaprio who have never won an Oscar are praying that Leto will be crucified by a Satanist who mistakes the creep for Jesus Christ.

Grumpy Cat Makes Appearance on American Idol: Grumpy Cat Hates Idol! - Even Grumpy Cat can`t save American Idol.

Baby Found Crawling Across 4 Lanes of Traffic: Frogger Nightmare! - Police say a baby found crawling across a busy four-lane street in northern Utah after his 7-year-old sister took him out of his crib is safely back home.

Lea Michele, Naya Rivera Feud on Set of 'Glee': Video - Glee is on its last legs, but perhaps the producers can extend its run another season or two by exploiting the rivalry between Lean Michel and Naya Rivera.

Outrage: WGRZ Weatherman Andy Parker Giggles Like Giddy Schoolgirl: Video - WGRZ should fire Parker, after a winter of unending snow and polar vortexes up the wazoo; we are in no mood for on-air frivolity.

Residents, Tourists, Merchants, Kooks Enjoy Pine Bush UFO Fair: Video - Get your UFO tomfoolery on at UFO Fair!

Failed Bank Robber Leaves Name with Teller During Robbery - You shouldn`t write your demand note on an online job application form that contains your username and password, and your fingerprints.

Brit Beaks Out of Jail to Avoid Listening to Rap Music - The rap-hating convict had ten months added to his existing sentence for his daring escape. By the time homeboy gets out of the joint he`s going to be spitting rhymes, and rapping like a pro. Believe dat!

Outrage: Korean Dancers Twerking to Classical Music: Video! Abomination! - Twerking and raunchy rap music go together like eggs and bacon or hamburger and fries, but twerking and classical music?

Moron Charged With Murder Wants 'Murder' Tattoo Removed: Video - I would gladly volunteer to remove this murdering moron`s tattoo with a dirty razor blade, it`s a shame money is being wasted on a trial; just flush this piece of crap down the toilet.

Dudes Be Afraid: Another 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' Film is in the Works: Video - Another Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants film is in the works at Alloy Entertainment, six years after Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 hit theaters.

Outrage: Barack Hussein Obama Bows to Japanese Robot: Video - Obama has no backbone, and maybe his back just falls forward of its own accord, but in any event he is an embarrassment to the United States.

Jailers Find Loaded Gun in Teen's Vagina: Video - Judging by her mugshot Dallas is very attractive, although her face is unnaturally red. Is her father Satan?

Avril Lavigne Debuts 'Hello Kitty' Video! The End is Near! - The only way that Avril can make amends for this execrable pop ditty is by burning an effigy of Hello Kitty, and then committing hari kari.

Pat Robertson Says Doomsday Asteroid Could Strike Earth Next Week: Video - Robertson was absolutely giddy at the prospect of an asteroid destroying our little blue planet. For Robertson the vision of the Almighty smiting billions of men, women and children isn`t a nightmare, it`s a wet dream.

Hank the Milwaukee Brewers' Mascot to Get his Own Dog House at Miller Park: Video - Hank is an adorable pooch who wandered into the Milwaukee Brewers spring training camp in Arizona in February; he has been adopted as the Brewers mascot.

Viral Video! Cat Taunts Another Cat With Fake Mouse on a Stick! - Cats are cute and fluffy and they make perfect companions, but never forget they are predators with a sadistic streak.

CATable Desk: Purrfect for Writers and their Cats! - The CATable desk accommodates people and cats at the same time.

Outrage: SF BART Trains to be Outfitted With Colors of Seattle Seahawks - A neon green and blue color scheme on BART trains is a slap in the face of 49ers fans, and an affront to the aesthetic sensibilities of every red-blooded San Franciscan.

Outrage: Mayor Bill de Blasio Proclaims May 16 'Barbara Walters Day' - Is it too soon to launch a recall petition?

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