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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Goddess Dita Von Teese Introduces Maternity Lingerie Line: Video - Dita Von Teese is a burlesque dancer, model, costume designer, entrepreneur, actress, and quite simply the most beautiful woman in the universe.

OMG! David Guetta is a Spaced-Out Freak! Video! - Dude, get it together, you look like a freaking zombie! Music is supposed to inspire and excite, not scare the Bejesus out of us!

Viral Video: Adorable Baby & Pit Bull, Best Buddies - Regardless how bad your week has been, I guarantee that you will smile as you watch 10-month-old Elliott react to the tender ministrations of 3-year-old Gemma the pit bull.

Woman Poops in Front of Walgreens After Being Accused of Shoplifting - When the store manager accused Thomas of shoplifting the sh** hit the fan, or at least it hit the floor. The indignant Thomas reacted to being accused of shoplifting by defecating on the floor.

A Very Pregnant Christina Aguilera Poses Naked for V Magazine: Video - Cristina Aguilera is pregnant with her second baby, but that doesn`t mean that she`s donning matronly maternity smocks, and keeping out of the spotlight.

Tom Willis, Born Armless, Tosses First Pitch at Royals Game: Video - Despite being born with no arms, Tom Willis is garnering attention for a practice that typically requires them -- pitching a baseball.

UFO Conspiracy Theorist Stan Romanek Arrested for Child Pornography: Video - Of course not all UFOlogists are into child pornography, but they are all certifiably bonkers.

Joe Biden Loves Skinny-Dipping! The Horror, The Horror! Video! - Joe Biden is the reason why Barack Hussein Obama will never be impeached. Obama has carte blanche to do anything; he could crap on the constitution (literally not just metaphorically), release his real Kenyan birth certificate, and confess that he dislikes White people without fear of impeachment.

Woman Wearing Flip-Flops Plunges to Death Over Cliff in Catskills - Flip-flops are aesthetically hideous open-toed sandals worn by denizens of trailer parks, Walmart shoppers, rednecks frolicking on the beach, and other assorted riff-raff.

Lindsay Lohan's Side Boob Pics Will Render You Comatose: Video - Imagine Casper the Friendly Ghost, after a sex-change operation, rocking a one-piece bathing suit with his flaccid side boob hanging down all the way to his belly button.

625 Pound Perp Says He is Too Fat to Make Court Appearance - Klein`s sob story doesn`t move me, he deserves to die in a jail cell. Being grotesquely overweight shouldn`t be a "get out of jail free card."

Babies Effectively Banned at 'Old Fisherman's Grotto' Restaurant in Monterey - Nothing ruins the ambience at a fine restaurant quite like a baby crying, uttering nonsensical words, and pooping or slobbering all over himself.

Dude Tells Cops The Only Guns in His Home Are His Biceps - I`m surprised the police officers didn`t` charge the man with making a terroristic threat when he flexed his biceps.

Little Girl Cries Because She Doesn't Want Her 3-Month Brother to Grow Up: Video - "I don`t want him to grow up, he`s so cute", the little girls pleads with her mother.

Golden Retriever Wiggles and Cries When Soldier Owner Returns Home: Video - This pooch named Izzy has obviously missed her owner, who`s been deployed for nine months.

Outrage: Growing Demand for Cat Meat in Vietnam: Video - Despite an official ban on eating cats, restaurants in Vietnam still offer the forbidden meat on their menus. In fact, the consumption of felines appears to be rising, prompting cat owners to fear for their pets` safety.

Outrage: Obama Declares 'Muslims Built the Fabric of our Nation' - I can`t wait until Barack Hussein Obama retires to his homeland of Kenya.

Rockies Give Away 15,000 Jerseys with Troy Tulowitzki`s Name Misspelled - As high as everyone is in the Mile High City, I`m surprised anyone noticed the typo.

Viral Video: Overjoyed Pooch Passes Out During Reunion With Owner - If you want someone who will love you unreservedly and unconditionally, adopt a dog from your local animal shelter today!

Samsung Phone Caught Fire Under Sleeping Girl`s Pillow: Video - If I had a 13-year-old daughter I would be more worried if she slept with a cell phone under her pillow, than if she slept next to her boyfriend.

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