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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Robber Shoots Himself in the Testicles! - It`s seldom that you read a crime story that has such a delightful ending. Johnson blew away his family jewels; the good citizens of Portland no longer have to worry about this idiot fathering any little criminals.

Budweiser 'Puppy Love' Video Goes Viral - A cute puppy makes friends with one of Budweiser`s iconic Clydesdale horses.

Cheerios Brings Back Multi-Racial Family for Super Bowl Ad: Video - Support racial equality and buy Cheerios!

Weather Icon Jim Cantore Knees Student In Groin During Live TV Shot: Video - Cantore, a true professional, dealt the moron a blow to his groin, without breaking stride; he just kept right on talking.

Jay Z Enjoyed Beyonce's Slutty Grammy Awards Performance: Video - Beyoncé and Jay Z may be BFF`s with Barack Obama and his wife, but ordinary Americas are repulsed by Jay Z`s lyrics that glorify materialism, homophobia and the gangsta lifestyle, and Beyoncé`s slutty behavior on stage.

Crazy Brit has Suffered from Fear of Newspapers for 25 Years! - Freelove explains that when she was a child her mother playfully hit her father over the head with a newspaper, and ever since she became afraid of newspapers. It`s a good thing her mom didn`t pimpslap her father with her drawers "

Jesus Freak Claims to See Jesus on Bruised Toe: Video - I think the bruise looks like Ozzy Osbourne; these nutjobs should set up a shrine to Ozzy, the Prince of Darkness.

Priest Drives Away Burglars With Boring Sermon - Although he wasn`t very priest-like with his language, O`Neill did manage to get rid of the men by boring them with a 'sermon that I had prepared for later that day`

Woman Delivers Baby In Her Driveway: Wind Chill -13 Degrees - Abigail`s hubby, who was inside the house probably watching highlights on ESPN, came out to hear the baby crying. Typical dude: Utterly clueless and useless when the sh** hits the fan or when a baby is born.

Farting Cows Start Fire At German Dairy Farm: Video - These hapless cows not only produced a lot of milk, but they also generated enough methane gas to blow up their dairy farm.

'Weedman' Allowed to Leave Jail Once a Month to Smoke Weed: Video - The same judge who sentenced Ed Forchion to nine months in jail for marijuana possession also lets him fly to California for 10 days each month to smoke marijuana.

Man Runs Into Burning House To Save His... Xbox! Video! - The gamer suffered smoke inhalation and the fire caused $80,000 in damages.

Lady Tells Cops Some Dude Named 'Ted' Stole Her Obama Phone: Video - Moral of this story: If a chick, who owns an Obama Phone, rings you up for a booty call, hang up!

Seattle Butcher Offers Beast Mode Spicy Skittles Sausage: Video - A Seattle butcher has taken Skittles and combined them with sausage in one of the most unholy marriages in the history of food.

Mysterious UFO Goo Turns Out To Be Bird Vomit: Enough UFO Tomfoolery! - There is nothing exotic about the UFO goo, here` the scoop: A magpie ate a frog and coughed up the indigestible parts.

London Police Reports Indicate Clowns are Menace to Society - For God`s sake don`t hire a clown for your child`s birthday party, might as well hire a serial killer or a child molester.

Old Man Fined For Popping Ice Cream Truck Tires - A Swedish businessman who used a power drill to puncture the tires of an ice cream truck was fined and ordered to pay the driver for lost income.

Mike Huckabee, Libido, Uncle Sugar & The GOP Women Problem! Video! - Did Huckabee not take that Republican class on How to Talk to Women without Sounding like a Total Dic*?

Boy George Releasing First Album in 18 Years: Video - Boy George`s first album in 18 years, This Is What I Do, will get its North American release March 25.

Serial Pooper Terrorizes Indian Train Commuters: Video - We know that sh** happens, but feces smeared on seats of a commuter train, really?

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