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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Crazy Wench Takes Bite Out Of Car During Argument - I would be afraid to say anything to a lady who took a bite out of my car, for fear she might take a bite out of me next. Maybe just toss the crazy wench a bone to gnaw on.

Lizzie Velasquez: Ugliest Woman in the World & Most Inspiring Motivational Speaker in the World! Video! - After reading about Lizzie Velasquez, hopefully you will never make another excuse in your life.

Uptalking: An Epidemic That Will Destroy America! Video! - My greatest nightmare is that the Zombie Apocalypse is right around the corner, and that even the undead will be uptalking.

Firefighter Uses Beer To Put Out 18-Wheeler Truck Fire - There`s more than one way to skin a cat, and there`s more than one way to put out a fire. Kudos to the quick-thinking firefighter!

Insane Clown Posse sues the DOJ, FBI: Video - But for the Justice Department to brand Juggalos as a gang is Orwellian nonsense, and an outrage that she be condemned by everyone from fans of classical music to rap music.

Dee Dee McCarron Apologizes for Jameis Winston Tweet: Video - Her tweet didn`t express hatred of blacks, but her love of the English language.

Baby Panda Bao Bao Meets The Press & Public At National Zoo: Video - Enjoy the antics of this delightful baby!

Velveeta Shortage Threatens Integrity of Super Bowl: Video - My Zombie Apocalypse survival kit includes: Duct tape, a shotgun, canned goods, Partridge Family cassettes, water bottles, and plenty of Velveeta.

Polar Vortex Victim: Homeless Man Frozen Solid! Human Popsicle! - It`s unfortunate that the only time we think of the homeless is when one of them becomes a Human Popsicle.

Jeopardy Host Alex Trebek Spits Some Rhymes: Master of the Rap Game! Video! - Now that I have experienced Alex Trebek rap an entire Jeopardy category, my life is complete. Thanks Trebek from dropping that funky sh**!

Coonrippy Running For Governor To Get His Raccoon Back: Video - Raccoons are intelligent but wild and mean critters, and you`d have to be a whacked-out hillbilly to try to domesticate them.

Dogs Align With Magnetic Fields While Pooping: Video - Now that we know that canines align with magnetic fields while pooping, maybe the egghead biologists can undertake another study to answer the age-old question: Who let the dogs out?

Skank's Toe Bitten Off During Wild New Year's Eve Party - A woman from the Boston-area city of Dorchester lost her toe during a fight at a rowdy New Year`s Eve party.

Nude Dude Playing Hide-and-Seek Gets Stuck In Washing Machine: Video - It took 20 minutes to free a naked man from a washing machine after a game of hide-and-seek he was playing with his partner took an embarrassing twist.

If We Down UFO We'll Be Facing Interstellar War: Former Defense Minister of Canada - Hellyer should be admitted to an insane asylum, where he might find some converts to his UFO conspiracies.

Homemade Cannon Epic Fail: Video - A North Carolina man rang in the New Year with a bang early Wednesday morning when a homemade cannon stuffed with black powder exploded in his face.

Outrage: Del Taco Introduces 150-Calorie Turkey Taco - Fast food purists of the world unite! Boycott Del Taco until they banish the turkey taco from their menu!

Man Arrested After Fight With Brother Over Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches! Video! - Davis was charged with assault domestic abuse with a weapon and taken to Polk County Jail where he will probably be fed peanut butter sandwiches for lunch.

Colorado Tot, 2, Tests Positive For Marijuana: Video - Come on Colorado, let`s make the legalization of marijuana a success, and make sure your children don`t accidentally eat any weed.

Lindsay Lohan's Boyfriend Kicks Her To The Curb - We shouldn`t feel too sorry for LiLo, she`ll find someone else to latch on to, after all she`s not happy unless she is corrupting fresh meat.

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