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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Outrage: Tomahawk-Throwing Champion Fails To Throw Tomahawk At Burglar: Video - Jesus and the residents of Hemet are weeping over the failure of this woman to rid their community of this burglar.

Old Dude Loses Diamond Ring In Trick-or-Treater's Bag - A Florida man is asking his neighbors to search through their children`s candy after his diamond ring apparently fell into a trick-or-treater`s bag.

Outrage: Atlanta Falcons Mascot Jokes About Suicide: Video - Foolish bird should stop tweeting!

Neanderthal Complains About Rainbow Dinosaur In Front Of High School: Video - All`s well that ends well: The beautiful rainbow dinosaur will be allowed to stay in front of Granby high school.

Hottie Named Daisy Cowit Plows Car Into Herd Of Cows While Texting - You can now add Daisy Cowit to the list of soulless gingers who are wreaking havoc worldwide: Lindsay Lohan, Carrot Top, Shirley Manson, Danny Bonaduce & Seth Green.

'Bigfoot Hunt' Ends Up With Joker Getting Shot - Moral of this tale: Whenever you mention Bigfoot, you`re just putting your big foot in your mouth.

Ghost Doctors Search For UFO's In Central Park: Video - Central Park is for lovers, joggers and tourists -- give these UFO freaks a wide berth if you run into them in this beautiful oasis in the Big Apple.

Woman Runs Over Boyfriend For Refusing To Stop At McDonald's: Video - Moral of story: If your girlfriend loves a Big Mac more than she loves you, time to kick her to the curb.

Video of UFO In Kentucky! Call MUFON! Contact the Air Force! - UFO`s are real! Redneckognize!

God Have Mercy! Mom Has 14-Pound Baby! Video! - Mom and dad would be well-advised to don an oxygen mask when they change his diapers.

Twenty Pound Carp Running For City Council In Ann Arbor - Politics is a dirty business inhabited by snakes and rats; a carp wading into this dirty cesspool is a breath of fresh air.

Outrage: Mick Jagger Hit On Katy Perry When She Was Only 18! - Come on Jagger, hit on somebody your own age. How about Phyllis Diller? Wait, she`s dead? So what, you`d still make a good couple.

Newsflash: Chris Brown Admits He Has Anger Management Issues - Chris Brown`s main claim to fame is going Ike Turner on Rihanna, beating her face to a bloody pulp back in 2009.

Olivia Wise, Teen With Brain Cancer, Sings Katy Perry's 'Roar', Touches Millions: Video - Olivia is as weak as a kitten, but she roars like a lion.

Law Authorizing Cops To Ticket Men Wearing Saggy Pants Extended To Women: Video - A woman who wear sagging pants shouldn`t be ticketed; on the contrary, she should receive a key to the city.

Texas Dude Arrested For Overdue Library Book: Video - The judge really threw the book at him!

Cops Nab Suspect Using Print From His Severed Finger: Moron Fingered Himself! Video! - When cops respond to a burglary they are lucky if they find a fingerprint, but this hapless thief left behind his finger.

Chinese Government Stooges Release Most Badly Faked Photo In History - China: A wonderful socialist paradise where you can always believe the government!

Russian Man, 80, Fights Bear & Survives! - At 80-freaking-years-old this Russian dude should spend most of his time in bed counting sheep, not working as a shepherd.

Only 6 People Enrolled in Obamacare On First Day: Obamacare Fiasco! Video! - Healthcare.gov isn`t glitchy it`s a fiasco, a failure of biblical proportions, and maybe that`s a good thing because it`s a portal to hell: Obamacare!

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