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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Aussie Bitten Twice by Venomous Spider on the Penis! Ouch! - I avoid portable toilets like the plague, at best they're cleaned on a monthly basis, there's rarely any toilet paper, and there's isn't any water to clean your hands, and there's always the risk that a prankster will tip the thing over. I'd rather knock boots with a hooker named Chlamydia than use a portable toilet.

Donald Trump Suggests DNC Was Hacked by 400-Pound Hacker! - During Monday evening`s first presidential debate, Hillary Clinton suggested that Russia might be responsible for the recent cyberhacks of Democrat email accounts. Donald Trump countered with an outrageous claim: It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

Deluded Madonna Thinks Her Naked Pic Will Encourage People to Vote for Hillary Clinton - Pop icon Madonna joined her colleague Katy Perry in getting naked to encourage Americans to head to the polls on Election Day.

Hillary Clinton's Satanic Shoulder Shimmy Shakes America to Her Core! Video! - Hillary`s shoulder shimmy shook me right down to my core; I have never witnessed such an evil display!

Banjo the World's Oldest Cat is Simply Adorable: Video - The `world`s oldest rescue cat` was been dumped at a rescue centre at the grand old age of 27.

Brave new World: Transgender Man Gives Birth to His Own Baby - Using politically correct terminology can be confusing for an adult, imagine the plight of this poor baby whose mother used to be a man, and whose father used to be a woman.

Adorably Lazy Kitty Can't be Bothered to Sit Up to Take a Drink - This kitty takes laziness to an extreme, it can`t be bothered to sit up and drink. It lies prone on the kitchen floor, dipping its paw and licking the water off.

Dog Breaks Out of Three Doors to Escape From Animal Shelter - A German Shepherd pulled an El Chapo when she escaped out of a California animal shelter through three doors.

Target Nixes Mini-carts for Kids - The Minneapolis-based chain announced the mini-carts, which were rolled out at 50 Minnesota stores and 22 New York stores just a few weeks ago, are being removed after the company received a flood of negative feedback from shoppers.

Study: Cats Crossed Continents to be Close to Humans - Cats like to think they don't need us, but a new study into feline genetics has indicated that the global kitty population only boomed when they moved in with humans.

Suspect in Cascade Mall Shooting Arrested! Surprise, He's an Immigrant From Muslim Country - Cetin emigrated from Turkey and is a legal permanent resident of the United States. It comes as no surprise to anyone with a modicum of intelligence that the monster responsible for this massacre is an immigrant from a Muslim country.

Gennifer Flowers and Mark Cuban Will Have Front Row Seats for Hillary Clinton Donald Trump Debate - Flowers who has already tweeted that she would love to attend the debate, would be the perfect guest. This ghost from Bill Clinton's sordid past would be silent witness to the Clintons' decades of political corruption and moral depravity.

A Dog Named Kitty and a Cat Named Fido? - Marilyn: My sister has a dog named Kitty and two cats named Fido and Rover. What do you think of giving a name to a dog that is normally a cat`s name, and giving a name to a cat that is normally a dog`s name?

Limberbutt McCubbins the Cat is Running for President, He's the Demo-cat Candidate - I think I`m going to write in Limberbutt for president, he wouldn`t be a catastrophe like Trump or Hillary.

Pooch Talks: 'Mom, Mom, I Love You'! Video! - A French bulldog in Canada showed off an unusual trick -- using his voice to express love for his mom.

Donald Trump is an Energetic Old Fart, Hillary is a Frail Old Hag - Hillary is an old broad who thinks her farts smell like designer perfume, Trump doesn`t care if his farts knock you unconscious.

Colin Kaepernick Voted NFL's Most Disliked Player - San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was voted the NFL's most disliked player, according to a recent poll conducted by E-Poll Marketing Research.

North Carolina Congressman: Protesters in Charlotte Hate White People Because White People are Successful - A North Carolina congressman has apologized for saying the protesters in Charlotte: Hate white people because white people are successful and they`re not.

Was Donald Trump Inciting Violence Against Hillary Clinton? Get Real! - Was Donald Trump inciting violence against Hillary Clinton when he spoke last Friday about disarming her bodyguards? Tim Kaine, Hillary Clinton`s vice presidential running mate, says so.

Death to all Clowns - A concerned citizen called police Wednesday when a clown was spotted walking down the Ravenel Bridge in full costume.

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