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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Sarah The Pet Chicken Swallows Diamond Earring: Fried Chicken Recipe Video - PETA should recognize Claire as Pet Lover of the Year, and send her enough chicken feed to last her eight years.

Brazilian Teens Film Flying Saucer: Video! - The teens were terrified by the UFO; I`ll tell you what`s scary: Rosie O`Donnell wearing a string bikini on a beach in Brazil.

Is It A Bird? A Plane? A UFO? No It's A Cloud, Fool! Video! - When I stare at cloud formations sometimes I see Miley Cyrus twerking or Lindsay Lohan doing a line of coke, but I don`t call People magazine.

Norm Lopez The Cat: 26 Pounds Of Love! Video! - It doesn`t matter if you aren`t wealthy, talented or beautiful; you too can touch lives simply by being loving and loveable like Norm Lopez.

Niki The Russian Cat Sits Just Like A Human Being! Video! - Many cat lovers ascribe human tendencies to their beloved pussycats, but Niki really does act like a human being.

Lil Bub The Cat Meets Grumpy Cat: The Most Epic Encounter In History! Video! - This is bigger than Miley Cyrus and Beyoncé competing in a twerking face-off (butt-off?)

The Righteous Slut-Shaming Of Miley Cyrus - Centuries ago a wench who made a mockery of society`s norms would have been burned at the stake. In these more enlightened times we slut-shame them, and boy did we pile it on Miley.

Is ISON Comet Being Escorted To Earth By UFO's? Video! - Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes a video depicting a cigar-shaped UFO is a fake created by a dude with a really small penis.

Geraldo Rivera's Appearance At University Canceled Over Semi-Nude Selfie: Video - For an old man to post a semi-nude selfie of himself online is an unpardonable sin, the second Rivera dies Satan will have his claws on him.

Cops Free Skunk With Its Head Stuck In Jar: Video - The officers walked away from this incident smelling like roses, they are scholars, gentlemen, and knights in shining armor.

96-Year-Old Man's Song for Late Wife Goes Viral: 'Oh Sweet Lorraine' Video - Oh Sweet Lorraine is number seven on US iTunes and has 2 million YouTube views.

Bank Robber Fell Down 21 Stories In Garbage Chute - The hapless bank robber is in critical condition, and it pains me that taxpayer money is being used to nurse this human waste back to health.

Bill Murray Channels Liberace For 'Letterman' Appearance: Video - I thought Murray was dead; it`s not a good idea to remind your fans that you are still alive by channeling a dead entertainer.

Miley Cyrus' Next Step In Her Devolution: Adult Movie? Video! - Miley sucks as an actress and a singer, maybe her real talent is in the world of adult entertainment.

Sisters Find 260K In Dead Brother's Couch - Moral of this story: Finder's keepers

Foam Finger Inventor: Miley Cyrus Has Degraded Honorable Sports Icon - By now every aspect of Miley Cyrus` decadent performance at the MTV VMA`s has been analyzed, discussed, and criticized ad nauseum.

Meet Colonel Meow, Cat with Longest Fur: Video - This feline celeb is the cat`s meow, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber would be well-advised to bow down and give him his props.

Valerie Harper (Rhoda Morgenstern) Joins 'Dancing With The Stars' Cast: Video - DWTS usually features third-rate stars; it`s great that a legend in the business will be competing this year.

Detroit Woman Vandalizes Cell Phone Store & Moons Clerk - For any entrepreneur who is contemplating opening a business in the bankrupt city of Detroit, this is the type of customer you will have to deal with every day.

Miley Cyrus Tweets Booty Pics: Video! Have Mercy Girlfriend! - Enough already! Miley can`t sing, dance and her booty don't pop.

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