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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Quvenzhane Wallis To Play Annie In the Movie Musical - You may not be able to pronounce or spell Quvezhane ", but you will be hearing her name a lot in the coming years and decades.

Outrage! The Onion Posts Vulgar & Crude Tweet About Quvenzhane Wallis - The Onion`s apology is self-serving and inadequate, the author of that vile tweet needs to publicly apologize.

Kid, 10, Calls 911 To Protest Early Bedtime! Cops Should Have Spanked Him! - If this kid`s friends google him, they are going to burst out laughing when they find out his bedtime is 8 p.m.

Paris Hilton's Career In Shambles - I wouldn`t pay Hilton $20 to attend my birthday party, even if she promised to appear clad only in her birthday suit.

Video! Lindsay Lohan Heaps Love On Great New Band: The Mowgli's - LiLo's recommendation of this hot new band more than makes up for all her criminal activity and serial flashing of her nether regions.

Doctor Gives Female Patient Sex Toy! It's Probably Covered Under Obamacare - The doctor has been fired, and as for the lady, methinks she needs a psychiatrist more than a general practitioner.

Stop The Insanity: Lady, 42, Clobbers 82-Year-Old Boyfriend - The woman, who didn`t even have a scratch, claimed that she acted in self-defense.

Grocery Store Removes 'Offensive' Obama Chicken Ad - Michelle Obama, who is a health food advocate, would probably give her blessing to an ad featuring her husband touting organic chicken.

Video! Madness: Crazy Woman Calls 911 For Cigarettes - Jividen may have thought she was making the deputies the butt of her joke, but it was her butt that landed in jail.

Missing Welsh Boy, 5, Discovered Under Beanbag Chair - This story is shocking beyond comprehension; I thought beanbag chairs had gone out of style decades ago.

Nicki Minaj Has Destroyed 'American Idol'! - The new American Idol is as fake as Minaj`s wigs, and as entertaining as one of the rap diva`s pedestrian songs.

Rooster, White Duck And Mallard: BFF - Birds of a feather flock together, but sometimes misfits bond together.

Ashley Judd For President Of the United States - Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's scowl is etched on his face, he always looks like he is sucking on a lemon while a proctologist is giving him a rectal exam.

New Study: Unhealthy For Airplane Passengers To Hold It In! Fart Away! - A woman`s fart smells worse than a man`s. So why is it that every time somebody farts at the dinner table, it`s poor dad who gets blamed?

NJ Assemblyman Charles Mainor Likes Big Butts On Facebook - In a perfect world Mainor would get knocked the hell out by a big butt constituent.

Gun Owners Get A Discount At Virginia Pizza Restaurant - Advice for Jay Laze: Dude, pizza is fun food. You will ruin the fun atmosphere with your asinine promotion.

Fashionista Alert! Postal Service To Launch Trendy Clothing Line - What hipster dude wouldn`t want to look like that chump from Cheers, Cliff Craven?

Would You Rent A Fake Facebook Girlfriend For $250 A Week? - A fake girlfriend isn`t exactly cheap to rent at $750 for a three-month commitment, but she`s a lot less expensive than a real girlfriend.

Dutch Dude Selling Mammoth Skeleton For $367,895 - Nobody is going to buy the damn thing, unless there`s an image of Jesus Christ on one of the bones.

Old Ladies Go Postal At Bingo Game Over Sale Of Avon Products - Never spit in the wind, don`t tug on Superman`s cape and don`t disturb a senior citizen when she is getting her Bingo on.

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