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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Nadya Suleman, Octomom, Checks Into Rehab! - Octomom has made her bed, and she can lie in it with her fourteen kids.

Halloween Madness: Ghost Hunters Hold Seance At 'The Old Spaghetti Factory' - The ghost hunters don`t have a clue, you don`t hunt for alligators in a desert, and you don`t hunt for ghosts in a spaghetti restaurant.

Thief Hides Grumpy The Gila Monster Under His Shirt - Let`s pray that Grumpy the Gila monster is in grumpy mood, and that he will bite the dastardly dolt who stole him.

What's Scarier, Honey Boo Boo's Mom Vajiggle Jaggle Or A Horror Flick? - A typical kid would have to watch a marathon of all twelve Friday the 13th movies to burn off the calories he gained eating Halloween candy.

'Ghost' Tries To Rob Subway Restaurant, Employee Hurls Pot of Soup At Him - The bad dude was all trick and no treat; I hope that he spends Halloween in the slammer.

Lindsay Lohan Wants To Rename 'Hurricane Sandy' Sally or Sassy - Why is it that beauty queens and Hollywood twits are always praying for "world peace?"

Halloween Horror: Company Pulls 'Sassy Squaw' Costume - Calling a Native American a "sassy squaw" is as offensive as calling a Hispanic a "sexy spic."

Paris Hilton Looks Crazy Hot In Her Halloween Costume! - Paris Hilton rocks her Hallowwen costume! Bravo!

Celebs Go Bonkers Over Honey Boo Boo Child - The quickest way for a celeb to boost his likability factor is by professing undying love for Honey Boo Boo Child.

Madonna Booed At Concert For Urging Fans To Vote For Obama - Madonna should have simply made a generic plea urging her fans to vote.

Lady Sells Her Virginity For $780,000, Dude Sells His For $3,000 - Catarina may be a virgin in the sense that she`s never engaged in sexual intercourse, but only a whore would put her virginity up for auction.

Russian Refuses To Pay Traffic Ticket: Useless, End Of The World Is Nigh! - But even if you don`t know the Mayan calendar from a Playboy calendar, the popularity of Honey Boo Boo Child should be enough of a warning sign that end is nigh.

Religious Man Crushed By Falling Crucifix! Amen! - If Jimenez blessed God for curing his wife of cancer, he should curse God for allowing that crucifix to fall on him.

Canadians Too Polite To Complain About Couples Having Loud Sex In Hotel - I can imagine Mama and Sugar Bear of Honey Boo Boo fame in a Canadian hotel room, they would make so much ruckus, that even Mr. T. would be afraid to tell them to quiet down.

Honey Boo Boo Child & Greta Garbo Have A Lot In Common - Let`s appreciate the artistry, charm and charisma of Honey Boo Boo, but for God`s sake give her some breathing room.

Obama Calls Romney A 'Bullsh***er'! Obama A Disgrace & That's No BS! - I think most Americans have good instincts, and they`re going to take a good look at Obama and say, This guy is an embarrassment and I`m not going to vote for him. "

James Marr, 79, Helps To Chase Down A Thief! Senior Superhero! - Reade`s crime-fighting days are over, he promises never to do anything like that again.

Stop The Insanity: Dude Steals Money On The Way Out Of Jail! - We can safely deduce that Frank Rodriguez-Tapia, 20, has not been rehabilitated.

Outrage: Secret Service Harass Man Who Hung Effigy Of Obama From Tree - Hanging an effigy of the first black President from a tree may have been racist and in bad taste, but it`s constitutionally protected free speech.

Bobby Brown Arrested For DUI, Again! - Brown has been touring with his former group, New Edition, for a fraction of the money he made in his prime.

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