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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Mitt Romney Annihilates Barack Obama In First Debate! - Forgive me but I must resort to street parlance to explain how this debate went: Mitt Romney made Obama his (rhymes with witch.)

Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Claims She Was Bullied In High School - Was mean girl Lindsay Lohan a victim of bullying in high school?

Miracle: Plucky Poodle Survives 11-Mile Ride In Grill Of Car - Whenever we see an animal in distress, we must do whatever we can to help him.

Video: illuminati Puppet Nicki Minaj Cusses Out Diva Mariah Carey On American Idol - American Idol has always been a family-oriented show, but adding Minaj as a judge has opened the floodgates to a river of coarseness, meanness and vulgarity.

Bicyclist Drunk On 'Mike's Hard Lemonade' Runs Into Patrol Car - Only a bicycle nerd would get drunk on a candy-a** drink like "Mike`s Hard Lemonade."

Campaign Urges Neighbors To Greet Each Other! Kumbaya Nonsense! - I don`t need no stinkin` pamphlet to teach me how to make small talk to my moron neighbors.

Lady (Zombie?) Bites 'Partridge Family' Star Danny Bonaduce On His Face - Weirdness and Bonaduce go hand in hand; there have been a few spectacularly weird moments in his life.

Snooki Or Honey Boo Boo? Snooki Is Mitt Romney's Homegirl! - I say to hell with Mitt Romney and Obama: Honey Boo Boo Child for President!

TLC Orders Honey Boo Boo Holiday Specials! Merry Redneck Christmas! Hick Halloween! - TLC has ordered a second season of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo", along with three holiday specials.

Would You Date Someone Of Opposite Political Views? - I say "Vive La Difference" when it comes to sex or politics.

Grandma Beats Hell Out Of Burglar With Cane - Don`t rely on a cane to save your life when an intruder breaks into your home; keep a loaded gun under your bed.

Pop Tart Ke$ha: I Had Sex With A Ghost - Ke$ha boasts that her new album is going to be nuts. " Ke$ha is the one who is nuts, and I`d rather be dead or a ghost than to listen to her music.

OMG! Erin Moran (Joanie Cunningham) Homeless! Happy Days No More! - I just cannot live in a world where Joanie Cunningham is homeless.

Should Prisoners Be Entitled To HBO, Cinemax & Showtime? - I can`t afford HBO or Showtime, maybe I should break into a prison.

Video: Burger King Mascot Causes Commotion At McDonald's - I`d rather be forced to marry Flo, the Progressive Insurance lady, than spend one minute in the presence of Mr. Burger King.

Video: Is Texas Being Invaded By Pink UFO's? - Google Street View has unearthed a lot of anomalies, has it now discovered a UFO?

Video: Honey Boo Boo Child: Ain't No Problem With Being Little Gay - Honey Boo Boo Child has much love for everyone in her family, including her Uncle Poodle. In Honey Boo Boo`s lexicon poodle means gay.

Outrage: Lindsay Lohan Compares Herself To Elizabeth Taylor - Taylor was the epitome of style and sophistication, Lohan wouldn`t know sophistication from a crack pipe.

Urban Farmer Cancels Plan To Post Rabbit Butchering Video On Internet - Rabbits are adorable, and many people own them as pets. Children would have been traumatized if they had seen a video of a rabbit being butchered.

Pop Tart Paris Hilton's Vile Homophobic Rant - Logo, the gay network, didn`t fall for Hilton`s self-serving apology.

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