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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Lindsay Lohan Demands Male Crew On Movie Set Strip Before She Does! Shameless Hussy! - Keep in mind that this is the same actress who has posed nude for Playboy, and who has a penchant for exposing her nether regions to the paparazzi.

Gang Of Drunken Young Girls Stab Old Man In Subway: Evil Runs Rampant - I hope the elderly gentleman recuperates quickly from his injuries, and I pray that the "young ladies" are thrown behind the zoo, where they belong.

England: Zombie Takes A Bite Out Of Leather Bus Seat - A bus is a perfect place for a zombie to hang out; he fits in with the homeless, thugs, mashers, and other weirdoes who rely on public transportation.

Heroic British Cops Save Hamster From Clutches Of Cat - Hats off to the coppers, they made Milly, Bradley and millions of animal lovers all over the world very happy.

Panhandler Called 'Weed Head' A Big Star In The Big Apple - Who wouldn`t want to have his picture taken with a dude with pictures of marijuana on his head?

Bird Crashes Into Face Of Teen Riding Roller Coaster! - In a perfect world the bird would have dived into his mouth, but this is far from a perfect world and the young punk's parents will probably sue and win a million bucks.

Lovely Ladies Fail To Set Bikini Parade World Record - It's hard to believe that a majority of the Madison Lake City Council had expressed opposition to the bikini event on the grounds that it wasn't "family-friendly."

Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe' The Most Subversive Song Of All Time! - Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" has me discombobulated; this is not the type of song I expect to hear on the radio on the eve of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Pop Tart Katy Perry: Pull The Plug On The Internet - We need more people plugging in to the Internet; in fact I would say that if you aren`t plugged into the Internet you fall short as a human being.

Man Put Screaming Daughter In Trunk Of Car In Front Of Witnesses - Nguyen was arrested on child abuse charges, his daughter should be permanently taken away from him.

Brave JWoww Will Film Birth Of Snooki's Baby - That delivery room is going to be a real circus side show, let's just hope that little Snookette won't turn out to be a real freak.

Katy Perry Speaking Of Lindsay Lohan: Keep That Train Wreck Away From Me! - "Keep that train wreck away from me." That's what every producer, agent, and lawyer in Hollywood, should be saying about Lindsay Lohan.

What Is The Manhattan Monster? Top Ten Possibilities - Bo the White House dog: Obama skinned Bo and was ready to roast him, when the poor thing ran away and died on the beach.

Cops Tase Teen High On 'Blotter Acid' - I hope the cops tased his family jewels, Haviaras needs a jolt to wake him up from his destructive lifestyle.

Dumb Criminal Identified By Tattoo On His Forehead - The police found Jesus cowering in an alley, he had his victim's business checks in his possession. This sorry excuse for a human being was charged with a felony count of armed robbery.

The Manhattan Monster, Son of Montauk Monster? - Some speculate it may be the remains of Rosie O'Donnell, but she hasn't been reported missing.

Mitch Winehouse Outraged That Lady Gaga Wants To Play Amy Winehouse - An Amy Winehouse biopic starring Lady Gaga would only attract a crowd of monsters of the worst kind.

Lady, 89, Scares Away Burglars With Gun! - When the cowardly burglars saw the old woman with her gun pointing at them, they took off running like schoolgirls who had just witnessed Mike Tyson eating Justin Bieber's ear.

Las Vegas Wedding Wagon Delivers Nupitals For $99! Tacky Or Thrifty? - A dude should think twice before he asks his girlfriend if she wants to be married by the Wedding Wagon, she just might think that he's a cheap bastard and break up with him.

Burglar Hits Homeowner Upside His Head With Toilet Bowl Lid - Maybe getting conked on the head with a toilet bowl lid knocked some sense into the homeowner, and he will buy a firearm post haste.


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