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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Study: Ladies More Likely Than Men To Check Women Out - Women are so busy taking mental notes of other women that sometimes they fail to take notice of studs, like yours truly.

Outrage: 400-Pound Metal Gorilla Stolen From Hotel Pool - There must have been at least one hotel quest who exclaimed: I must have downed too many shots of whiskey, I don't see the giant gorilla!

Two Dudes Shoplift 300 Pairs of Victoria's Secret Panties - Victoria`s Secret seems to operate on the principle that the less material they use on a pair of panties, the more they will charge.

LOL! Paris Hilton Brags On Twitter About DJ Gig In India! - At one time (Pre-Kim Kardashian) Paris Hilton was the biggest star in reality TV and in the unreal world of Hollywood.

Islamists Protest Opening Of Kim Kardashian Milkshake Store In Bahrain - Kardashian`s milkshake brings all the Islamists, cops and boys to the yard.

Lady Beats Boyfriend With Foam-Rubber Bat, Then Switches To Aluminum Bat - If a man comes home before the rooster crows, his lady should spread rose petals from the front door to the bedroom.

Video: Snoop Dogg Does 'A Christmas Carol' Doggfather Style - Come on homies, watch the damn video! Get into the G-Funk Christmas spirit!

Turkish Plastic Surgeon Performs 60 Mustache Implants Every Month! Turkeys! - The surgeon performs 60 of the procedures each month, I hope he makes these losers look like Groucho Marx.

Hapless Fisherman Leaves Tub Of Scallop Organs In Wrong Car - I would not post a "lost and found" ad on Craigslist or create a Facebook page for the tub of scallop organs.

Adele's '21' Has Sold 10 Million Copies In USA! - All hail Adele, the Queen of the Billboard charts!

Lindsay Lohan Arrested For Punching Lady In The Face - How many times is Lohan going to get away with violating her probation, toss her in jail and throw away the keys.

Cougar Demi Moore Latches On To Boy Toy, 26 - Girlfriend, stop embarrassing yourself by chasing young boys, and consider yourself lucky if you get a supporting role in a Lifetime movie.

Wannabe Rapper Steals School Bus To Drive To Detroit To Pursue Rapping Career - No rapper would be caught dead driving around in a school bus; homeboy should have stolen a Cadillac Escalade or carjacked a Hummer.

Bigfoot DNA Evidence? Yeah, Right, And I Have Tooth Fairy DNA! - I have a hair that came out of my arse, I will mail it to the doctor, she might conclude that aliens have invaded our little blue planet.

Cops Find 2 Gators, Ton of Weed, Brass Pole & Exotic Dancer At Shooting Scene - No word as to who went home with the lovey exotic dancer, but I`m sure the cops are going to be grooving to Bob Marley and smoking a lot of weed.

'Cleaning Fairy' Burglar Sentenced To 20 Hours Of Community Service - It`s not like Warren was cleaning up, as in making a lot of money, in her criminal career.

Wiseguy Burlgar Leaves Note Behind, Claiming 'Inside Job' - Not even Octomom and her brood need that many television sets.

Russian 'End Of The World' Kit Includes Vodka And A Rope - The Russian kit really sucks; I would trade the vodka for weed, the fish for Twinkies, and the buckwheat for popcorn.

Would You Rent Popemobile For Only $324 An Hour? Ultimate Chick Magnet! - A typical geek will dream about owning the Batmobile or a Ferrari, but the Popemobile is the ultimate chick magnet.

Top 5 Bing News Searches For 2012: iPhone 5, Hurricane Sandy, Honey Boo Boo - Then there`s Honey Boo Boo Child, a hurricane that wreaked incalculable devastation to the moral landscape of our country.

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