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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Bank Robber To Cops: Tired Of Seeing People Younger Than Him Driving Newer Cars - I don`t care what kind of vehicles my neighbors are driving, as long as they don`t decide to take my car for a spin.

Hero Mother Of 9-Year-Old Twins Shoots Intruder - Don`t be a victim or a statistic; buy a gun to protect yourself, your loved ones and your possessions.

Prisoners In Brazil Train Cat To Assist In Prison Break - I can`t train my cat to bring me my slippers, change the remote, or surf the Internet, but these crafty prisoners were able to train cats to smuggle cell phones into prison.

Is Justin Bieber Close To A Breakdown? - Don`t stop believing in the Bieb, eventually he will sort out his problems, be able to grow a goatee, and find true love with Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus or Honey Boo Boo`s sister.

Subway Employee Fired Over Refusing To Give Customer Ketchup - In an ideal world the customer should have left the Subway restaurant a satisfied customer with Philly Cheese and ketchup dribbling down his chin.

Dude Wearing Ratty Sweatpants, And Riding A Bike Steals $1.29 Honey Bun - It looks like the smart coppers in Florida have solved another caper, they`ve earned their cups of 7-Eleven coffee, and their Slim Jims today!

Vibrating Electric Toothbrush Alarms Airplane Passengers - Who wants to be delayed for half an hour, because an idiot forgot to turn off his toothbrush?

First Grader's "Finger Gun" Suspension Reversed! - Our children will be OK as long as we let them use their imaginations, and let them have a little bit of fun.

Two Oompa Loompas Beat Holy Crap Out Of Man - I just can`t believe that an evil Leprechaun didn`t steal this dude`s wallet and tinkle on his shoes.

'Fortunate' The Cat Recovers From 80-Foot Drop - Fortunate must have at least one life left, and she will bring many years of happiness to a cat lover.

The Quick Rise And Fall Of Frank Ocean - Ocean should hire a driver, clean up his messy habits, forget about all the false praise that`s been heaped on him, and try to make something of himself as an R & B singer.

Cougar Clobbers Clueless Clod For Failing To Make Her Climax - As punishment the correctional officers should tell her that she is entitled to a 3-minute conjugal visit with her young boyfriend.

Tiny Tim The Adorable Chubby Cat Loses Almost 7 Pounds! - Be healthy and happy like Tiny Tim, stop procrastinating and go on a diet.

Nick Stahl Busted For Playing With Himself At An Adult Movie Shop - Nick Stahl`s career highlight was starring in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines " in 2003, he`s starred only in the tabloids for his erratic behavior since playing John Connor.

Moron Gets 19 Months For Planning Robbery To Fund Going-To-Jail Party - Loniello is too stupid to be a criminal if he can`t tell the difference between a real gun and a dummy gun, and an undercover FBI agent and a real friend.

Poll: Most Annoying Word In English Language, 'Whatever!' Just Saying! - American teens have distilled the English language into just a handful of all-purpose words: Whatever, like, you know, just saying and awesome.

The Honey Boo Boo Redneck Family: An Inspiration And Example For America - The next time you run over a squirrel, scrape the sucker off your tire, and the critter with a little Hamburger Helper will feed the whole family.

NASA: Giant Asteroid Won't Hit Earth In 2040 - Y2K didn`t even cause a glitch in my VCR, the Mayan Apocalypse was a colossal dud, and now we find out than an giant asteroid won`t destroy the Earth in 2040.

Video Of Great Dane Cuddling With Infant Has Gone Viral! Are Parents Nuts? - The parents of Cade are irresponsible morons, and they should be investigated by Children`s Services.

Man Eats 28 Raw Eggs On A Dare, And Dies! Does He Deserve Sympathy? - This guy's friends weren't exactly good eggs, they waiting too long to call for an ambulance.


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