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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Video:Clint Eastwood & His Empty Chair Upstage Empty Suit (Mitt Romney) - Eastwood has made a name for himself as an actor and a director, but he's brilliant as a performance artist.

Snake In Dashboard Scares Poop Out Of Driver - If I saw a snake in my car I wouldn't be too embarrassed to call for animal control, the FBI and a swat team.

Knock-Down Brawl At Yacht Club Started Over A Portable Toilet - I'm curious why there was a portable toilet at a yacht club; you'd think a yacht club would provide several restrooms with gold-plated fixtures for their well-heeled members.

Sherman Hemsley (George Jefferson) On Ice Until Will Dispute Is Settled - May Sherman Hemsley soon rest in peace!

Dude Puts Up 'Hookers Go Away' Sign Near His Home! Like That Will Work! - Prydwen will only be successful in running off the women of dubious virtue if he disrupts their business by taking video of them soliciting potential customers.

Too Many Filthy Folks Don't Wash Hands After Using Public Restroom - There is a good chance that if you shake hands with someone, they will contaminate you with their feces and urine.

Lady Shoots Husband, Claims She Was Aiming At A Skunk! Yeah, Right! - If the husband survives his wound he would be well-advised to divorce his wife, or at the least get rid of all the guns in his home.

Canadian Strip Club Trying To Recruit Female College Students With Tuition Assistance Program - Strip clubs are legal enterprises in America and Canada, but the owners are scumbags who exploit their female dancers, and rip off their male customers.

Pooch Runs Away From Home, Takes 50-Mile Train Ride To London - Frankie the pooch must not be too happy at home, he wanted to get as far away as possible from his owners.

Old Lady Overfeeds Birds, Making Life A Living Hell For Her Neighbors - This case calls for a judge with the wisdom of Solomon: The city should take away her bird feeder, and give her an indoor bird cage, complete with a parakeet.

Mark Zuckerberg Meets With Facebook's Oldest User: Florence Detlor, 101 - By the time Florence figures out how to ping someone on Facebook, all the young people will have switched to Pinterest or another social media site that hasn't been invented yet.

Shirley MacLaine Rips Lindsay Lohan! - Old people just don't give a hoot, they tell it like it is, and fart with impunity.

Lady Gaga: I'm Going to Record Artpop Sans Clothing, It Will Make My Voice Sound Better - It's yet another publicity stunt from the Queen of Phoniness - what while she say next? I'm going to record my next CD with the microphone pointed at my arse, I'm persuaded it will improve the sound quality.

Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline' Dropped From Penn State's Play List At Football Games - Penn State has gone from enabling a pedophile, and protecting him from prosecution to diving down the rabbit hole.

Male Flight Attendant, 83, Retires After 63 Years Of Service - Congratulations Mr. Akana, but for the love of God, I hope there aren`t any other old coots serving as flight attendants.

Per TMZ Hottie Katy Perry Turned Down $20 Million To Be Judge On American Idol - Mariah probably kicked the dogg, messed up Ryan Seacrest`s hair, pimp slapped Nick Cannon, and ripped out the remaining hair on Jimmy Lovine`s head when she heard the news.

Dude Calls 911: Begs For Female Officer To Come To His House To Entertain Him - I'm sure there will be someone in jail who won't mind getting intimate with Basso, only it won't be a female correctional officer, but a male inmate.

Nicole Polizzi (Snooki) Gives Birth To Baby Boy! The End of the World is Nigh! - Nobody knows who Snooki`s baby daddy is, it could even be Satan himself.

70% Of Obama's Twitter Followers Fake!Twitter Feed As Fake As His Birth Certificate! - Obama should do the right thing, and immediately shut down his Twitter feed.

Snooki Afraid She Won't Be A Good Mom! - At least Snooki isn't bragging to the press that she will be the greatest mom since Mrs. Brady.

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