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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Miracle: Cats Befriend Baby Robin! - This heartwarming story isn't for the birds, we are animal lovers here at SOP.

Goose Named 50 Cent After He Survives Being Shot 7 Times - The future is bright for this victim of fowl play, he's worth a lot more than the two-bit criminal who shot him.

Nattily Dressed Gentleman Robs Bank: Fashion Police Should Have Arrested Him - If I ever see this character, I hope I'm the one wearing sunglasses.

Dude Named 'Rother' Calls 911: Deli Didn't Slather Enough Mayo On His Sandwich - I hope Rother spends at least a day in jail for abuse of the 911 system, the jailbirds would just love a dude named "Rother" who is so picky about his sandwiches.

Cops Tase Nude Lady, 80, For Disturbing The Peace With Her Walking Cane - The cops deserve a raise and a commendation, for dealing with a difficult situation with tact and diplomacy.

Piggy the Piglet's Perilous Adventure - Moral of this story: A piglet doesn't belong locked in a bedroom, cage, frying pan, or in the hands of a bum. A piglet belongs in a pig pen or in a fenced-in backyard.

Lindsay Lohan Treated For Exhaustion! LOL, Exhausted From Doing What? - My bet is that Lohan didn`t suffer exhaustion from helping out at a soup kitchen or working on her craft.

Man Finds Spider In Bed, Runs Through Glass Door & Out Of House Naked As A Jaybird! - If I see a spider in my bed I might wet my drawers and shriek like a schoolgirl, but I will manage to maintain my composure.

Floyd Mayweather Begs Judge To Set Him Free! Dude, You Ain't Lindsay Lohan! - Sorry champ, but you ain`t pretty or pale enough, get used to eating bologna sandwiches and drinking tap water.

America's Future: Zombie Apocalypse & Bristol Palin President Of The USA - Our future is bleak: Economy in ruins, $7.00 gasoline, zombie apocalypse and Bristol Palin as President of the United States.

City To Church: Quiet Down! Infernal Racket Or Joyful Noise Unto The Lord? - New Life Chapel is in a residential neighborhood that might welcome a dignified Episcopalian congregation, but the residents can't tolerate the Holy Ghost shenanigans of a Pentecostal church.

Bar Heckler Sues Hottie Bristol Palin For Defamation - It`s hard to know who to root for; I guess I hope that Hanks wins the suit, and blows his winnings in Vegas.

Dastardly Criminal Blames Apartment Fire On Pooch - This wretched individual deserves to be in the doghouse for the rest of his life.

'Let's Pizza' Pizza Vending Machines Coming Soon To America! - There is a God, the Let`s Pizza vending machines will soon be available in a mall, grocery store or gas station near you.

Silly Speeding Blonde Thinks Cop Targeted Her Because She's A Blonde - The woman`s name wasn`t released by the cops, just as well we know everything that we should know about her: She`s a blond.

Mystery Twitter Pic: It Wasn't Posted By Kanye West, & It's Not Kim Kardashian - Mystery solved, the woman in the booty pic isn`t Kim Kardashian and Kanye West didn`t post the image. Now we can move on to weightier matters: Is Snooki going to televise the birth of her son?

Burger King's New Bacon Sundae: Best Thing Since Sliced Bread! - I urge all fast food lovers to buy a bacon sundae as an expression of liberty, democracy and common sense.

Outrage: Killjoy Cops Arrest Lovely Ladies Flashing On Golf Course - I hope a gentleman steps up to the plate and pays the bail for these exceptional women.

Rat Crawls Up Lady's Leg Inside Her Pants In New York City Subway - But it`s not just rats that one must watch out for on the subway, it`s also muggers, flashers, drunks, thugs and homeless that stink to high heaven.

Swear In Public? Pay $20 Fine In Middleboro, Massachusetts - If a refined gentleman is walking down the street and he steps on dog poop it's perfectly understandable if he utters an epithet.

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