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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Mariah Carey's Combeback Single Flop Of Epic Proportions! - Carey should rely only on her five-octave vocal range, and stop trying to appeal to the younger crowd. Carey should ditch the rappers and the hip hop producers, and write and sing age-appropriate songs.

Jenelle Evans & Snooki Should Work Out Their Issues In Mud Wrestling Match - Jenelle Evans and Snooki should engage in an epic mud wrestling match on Pay-Per-View.

Video: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo There is No Hope For Humankind! - Honey Boo Boo is the last piece of evidence that proves, beyond a doubt, that the End of the World is nigh.

Dude Tackles Armed Robber: Hero Or Moron? - I commend Daiker for his courage in tackling an armed robber, but I wouldn`t recommend that anyone follow his example.

Paris Hilton's Tweets Are Very Depressing - Only a nihilist or a self-absorbed individual would conclude that it's best not to care.

English Town Of Shitterton Takes A Lot Of Crap For Its Unique Name - To make matters worse, Shitterton lies in the Piddle Valley. England is a miserable place, with the fog and the never-ending rain, but it doesn't deserve such wretched names for its cities and villages.

Lawyer, 76, Dumps Judge Girlfriend, 55, To Shack Up With Paralegal, 25 - I hope the paralegal doesn't have a young daughter; she may be the next one this old Romeo hits on.

Outrage: Man Leaves His Pooch Stranded On Top Of Mountain - Missy is doing fine, and as for her owner, he doesn't deserve to ever again have a pet.

Top Ten Captions For Obama The Wizard AP Photograph - This photograph of President Obama wasn't Photoshopped or digitally altered in any way, it was taken by a photographer for the Associated Press as Obama was speaking in Iowa's Bayliss Park.

Charlie Sheen & Lindsay Lohan To Be Killed Off In 'Scary Movie 5'? - "Scary Movie 5" is providing an invaluable public service by killing off Sheen & Lohan, the first few minutes that depict the murder of these two dolts is worth the price of admission.

Dude High On Fake Weed Takes Off His Clothes And Runs Around His Apartment Complex - This 23-year-old dude, whose name wasn't released by the police, should be sentenced to at least a year in jail for giving weed lovers a bad name.

Guards Gone After Adding Hot Female Inmate As Friend On Facebook - There's a lesson to be learned for all of us: Don't have any unwanted Internet communications with a fellow employee.

F-bomb, Sexting, Earworm & Man Cave Added To Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary - I don't have to explain "sexting" to my faithful readers; they're a bunch of freaks.

Outrage: Miss Italy Beauty Pageant Does Away With Bikinis - Officials with the Miss Italy beauty pageant seem to be unclear on the concept, it's a beauty pageant not a spelling bee or a debate.

Hundreds Of Thousands Of Dead Fish Wash Ashore On Gulf Coast Beaches - What do you think, is there something fishy about all these reports of dead fish? Send us your thoughts.

Pit Bull Adopts Baby Goat: Inseparable Friends - There are many terrific pooches like Piper available for adoption at your local animal shelter, bring home a companion today.

Dude Inflitrates Classical Music Station, Changes Playlist To Rap - Davis should face the music, that is to say his punishment should be to listen to classical music for 24 straight hours.

Holy Crap: Dude Selling Bird Dropping That Looks Like Michael Jackson! - I love Michael Jackson, but I won`t be making a bid on this particular item. If I want to remember the King of Pop, I will play one of his albums.

Kim Kardashian Thrilled With Song Kanye West Wrote About Her: Perfect Bit*h - Shame on any mother who lets her precious daughter watch any of the Kardashians` reality shows; don`t be surprised if your daughter grows up to be a "Perfect Bit*h."

Teen Tells Cop: Her Booty Looked So Good, Couldn't Resist Touching It - Aaron Morris, 18, is treating this despicable act as a joke; he doesn`t seem to realize the gravity of violating a woman in this crude manner.

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