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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Pop Tart Paris Hilton Opens Store In Mecca! Muslims Outraged! - Paris Hilton tweeted: Loving my beautiful new store that just opened in Mecca Mall. I won`t be surprised if in a couple of weeks she will tweet: That`s not hot! Somebody blew up my beautiful new store.

Dude Dressed As Giraffe Performs Random Acts Of Kindness - You don`t have to dress as a giraffe or a bumblebee to volunteer at a soap kitchen or perform a random act of kindness.

Cops Use Stun Gun On Naked Gentleman - The cop should have aimed the stun gun at the moron`s testicles, giving a new definition to "numbnuts."

Video! Octomom's Octokids Record Christmas Song! Apocalypse Now! - Octomom`s adult flicks and her children`s Christmas video have done incalculable harm to American pop culture.

Bimbo Kim Kardashian Gets Death Threats After Posting Pro-Israel Tweet - Why don`t solid citizens blast Kardashian when she tweets self-serving nonsense or posts skanky pics?

Artist Jason Mecier Creates Portrait Of Honey Boo Boo Using 25 Pounds Of Trash - I wonder what materials the artist used to create his Whitney Houston portrait: Syringes, crack, wigs, dentures, and bottles of booze?

'Spiderman' Cooling His Heels In Jail After Snatching Lady's Purse - I hope this moron is allowed to wear his costume in jail; the other jailbirds will love him to death.

Giant Statue Of Lord Shiva Stolen, Sold As Scrap! - It`s not just the gods made of gold, silver and metal that are useless, it`s also the gods we make up in our minds.

Outrage: Quadriplegic Rapist to be Released from California Prison - If anyone deserves to be freed from prison it`s the two inmates who paralyzed Martinez. I just wish they had stabbed him in the heart; it would have prevented a lot of legal tomfoolery.

Video! Martin Short Compares The Palins To Honey Boo Boo Family - I disagree with Martin Short; the biggest difference between them isn`t teeth, but heart.

No More Twinkies! Is There A God? - Zombie attacks on the increase, the popularity of Honey Boo Boo Child and now the death of Twinkies. The End of the World is nigh!

Charlie Webster: I Play Basketball With Black Guy Every Sunday! Does He Eat Watermelon With Him Every Wednesday? - Dude, do the right thing and resign from your leadership position! You are an embarrassment to your party, your state, and your country.

A Deep-Fried Turkey Is A Heavenly Bird! Have A Deep-Fried Thanksgiving! - Tasting a deep-fried turkey should be on your bucket list, it`s not Thanksgiving if the bird on your table wasn`t deep-fried.

Nancy Pelosi To Seek Another Term As House Democratic Leader! Say It Ain't So! - Nancy Pelosi doesn`t present an attractive face for the Democratic Party, literally and figuratively.

Hostess May Liquidate! A World Without Twinkies? I'd Rather Be Dead! - I am going to stock up on Twinkies, fortunately the delicious snacks will last for decades without need of refrigeration.

Romney: Obama Won By Giving Minorities: Obama Phones, Condoms, Health Care And Other Goodies - The Republican Party needs to distance itself from Romney if they hope to recapture the White House in 2016.

Nigerian Teen Girls Create Urine-Powered Generator - The girls don`t have a pot to p*** on, imagine what they could accomplish if they had access to a lab.

During Superstorm Sandy NBA Player Deron Williams Sees UFO - I don`t follow the NBA, and I don`t know anything about Deron Williams, but I`m convinced he`s a freakin` moron.

Video! Awkward, UFO'S Turn Out To Be Insects - Is it a plane, a bird or a UFO? Nope, they're damn insects!

Video! Awkward, UFO Turns Out To Be Spotlight On Forestry Vehicle - Dude before you call the media or the cops to report a UFO, put your bottle of booze down and rub your eyes, that UFO is probably a neon light on a candy store.

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