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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Video: Queen Latifah The Most Hated Lady In USA For Destroying National Anthem - Shame on Queen Latifah, she shall forever be anathema to me.

Gigantic Obama Sand Sculpture Damaged By Rain! Obama's Huge Ego! - The Almighty has delivered the first blow to this abomination; patriots should attack this affront to decency with shovels, and finish the job.

The Horror: Paris Hilton Sings 'Call Me Maybe' By Carly Rae Jepsen - I am so grateful that I have never heard Paris Hilton sing "Call Me Maybe", I can put up with Carly`s version of the song tormenting me, but if I ever hear Hilton sing "Call Me Maybe" I would probably commit suicide.

Honey Boo Boo Child: Brightest Star In The Milky Way - Most Americans would rather have a Go-Go juice with Honey Boo Boo than enjoy a beer with President Obama.

World Gone Mad: Couple Barred From Painting House Gray - Defend Freedom! Paint your house pink, purple or black!

The Horror: 1,255 Ginger Kids Gather In The Netherlands - Carrot Top and Lindsay Lohan are gingers.

Holy Cow! McDonald's Opening A Vegetarian Restaurant In India! Outrage! - A McDonald's restaurant where no beef, or even chicken, is served makes as much sense as a bordello where the customers aren't allowed to touch the prostitutes.

Kim Kardashian & Beyonce Abhor Each Other! - However Kim Kardashian doesn`t have any talent whatsoever, she is an oxygen thief who has exceeded not only her fifteen minutes of fame, but her time on this planet.

Miracle: Snooki's Baby Has Survived For One Week! - Honey Boo Boo Child sneaking into Snooki`s house and eating Lorenzo as a snack.

Jason Crabb Serenades Honey Boo Boo Child! Sign Of The End Times? - If I were a televangelist I could base a series of sermons on Honey Boo Boo as an archetype of John the Baptist preparing the way for the Antichrist.

Insanity: Dude Charged With Assault For Pointing Leaf Blower At A Woman - Sometimes a leaf blower is just a leaf blower...

Honey Boo Boo Child For President Of The United States! - Honey Boo Boo to Fed chairman Ben Bernanke: I holla for da dolla, but that don't mean you should print billions of dollars, fool!

If You Pay For Phone Sex, Is It Prostitution? - The Italian high court correctly ruled that phone sex isn't an act of prostitution since the man and the woman have no physical contact. (at least not with each other.)

Lady Smoking Weed While Driving Acquitted Of Impaired Driving - The judge is a moron; I wish he would share some of the grass he is smoking with me.

Out Of This World UFO Festival In Exeter, N.H. - The organizers of this stellar event should invite Clint Eastwood to be the main speaker. The Hollywood Legend can speak to a Frisbee representing a UFO, and ramble on about all things extraterrestrial.

Woman, 82, Arrested For Burglary Has 21-Page Rap Sheet! - Obama: If my grandmother were still alive, she'd look like like this sweet dear woman. I hope she gets out of prison in tme to vote for me.

Outrage: Evangelicals Erecting A 51-Foot 'Touchdown Jesus' Statue - This incident perfectly illustrates the stupidity of organized religions.

Will Illuminati Puppet Nicki Minaj Be The Next 'American Idol' Judge? God, I Hope Not! - Minaj can't sing or rap, and I'd be shocked if she can offer any cogent thoughts as a judge on American Idol.

Video:Clint Eastwood & His Empty Chair Upstage Empty Suit (Mitt Romney) - Eastwood has made a name for himself as an actor and a director, but he's brilliant as a performance artist.

Snake In Dashboard Scares Poop Out Of Driver - If I saw a snake in my car I wouldn't be too embarrassed to call for animal control, the FBI and a swat team.

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