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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Brave JWoww Will Film Birth Of Snooki's Baby - That delivery room is going to be a real circus side show, let's just hope that little Snookette won't turn out to be a real freak.

Katy Perry Speaking Of Lindsay Lohan: Keep That Train Wreck Away From Me! - "Keep that train wreck away from me." That's what every producer, agent, and lawyer in Hollywood, should be saying about Lindsay Lohan.

What Is The Manhattan Monster? Top Ten Possibilities - Bo the White House dog: Obama skinned Bo and was ready to roast him, when the poor thing ran away and died on the beach.

Cops Tase Teen High On 'Blotter Acid' - I hope the cops tased his family jewels, Haviaras needs a jolt to wake him up from his destructive lifestyle.

Dumb Criminal Identified By Tattoo On His Forehead - The police found Jesus cowering in an alley, he had his victim's business checks in his possession. This sorry excuse for a human being was charged with a felony count of armed robbery.

The Manhattan Monster, Son of Montauk Monster? - Some speculate it may be the remains of Rosie O'Donnell, but she hasn't been reported missing.

Mitch Winehouse Outraged That Lady Gaga Wants To Play Amy Winehouse - An Amy Winehouse biopic starring Lady Gaga would only attract a crowd of monsters of the worst kind.

Lady, 89, Scares Away Burglars With Gun! - When the cowardly burglars saw the old woman with her gun pointing at them, they took off running like schoolgirls who had just witnessed Mike Tyson eating Justin Bieber's ear.

Las Vegas Wedding Wagon Delivers Nupitals For $99! Tacky Or Thrifty? - A dude should think twice before he asks his girlfriend if she wants to be married by the Wedding Wagon, she just might think that he's a cheap bastard and break up with him.

Burglar Hits Homeowner Upside His Head With Toilet Bowl Lid - Maybe getting conked on the head with a toilet bowl lid knocked some sense into the homeowner, and he will buy a firearm post haste.

Kim Kardashian Hates On Paris Hilton! Can We All Just Get Along? - Kardashian has a leg up, I mean a butt up, on Hilton. The socialite has her sex tape, and nothing else, Kardashian has her sex tape and a mighty booty.

Hotel Replaces Gideon Bibles With 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'! Smart Move Or Satan's Handiwork? - Think of this mighty tome as Slutty in Seattle.

New York Mets Fans Boo Pop Tart Snooki! Amen! - I would like to thank the Mets' fans for giving Snooki a good dose of reality, real people look askance at her skanky antics.

Kitten Survives Going Through The Hot-Water Wash Cycle - This is a case where curiosity almost killed the cat; the vet put Tinker in a heated oxygen chamber to save its life.

Zombie, 70, Bites Boy, 11, On The Face! Zombie Apocalypse? - All 70-plus men walk like zombies, so there's a slight chance this old goat could have been your run of the mill old perv.

Octomom Feels Empowered By Starring In Self-Pleasuring Video! I Am Woman! - Octomom feels empowered by starring in a self-pleasuring adult flick; I'm sure she reached the heights of, hmm, spiritual bliss.

Dude Spots Man Riding His $1,500 Stolen Trek 7500 Bicycle - Joseph Joseph should change his name to "Moron Moron", he confessed to buying stolen property which is a crime.

Dude Leaves Boring Party, Gets Lost In The Woods, & Is Terrorized By Bear - Moral of this story: When you go to Sweden stay away from bears and the people as well. In fact, forget about taking your vacation in Sweden.

Perfect Running Mate For Mitt Romney: Octomom - Nadya Suleman, better known as Octomom, would be the perfect running mate for Mitt Romney.

Gentlemen Horrified By Women Exposing Wrinkled Cleavage - Guys witness lots of horrible things in their lifetimes, we shouldn't be needlessly subjected to the spectacle of a middle-aged lady wearing a low-cut dress that exposes her wrinkled breasts.

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