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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Mom Found Naked & Eating Ice Cream After Crash! Zombie? Bath Salts? - I don`t think she's zombie on bath salts -- she`s an obese woman with no shame in her game.

Model Zoe West Undeterred By False Arrest: Will Continue To Perform - Zoe is a fighter, not only is she suing New York City for false arrest, but she will be participating in another nude body painting performance on June, 21, 2012.

Dude Arrested For Calling Police Headquarters Pretending To Be Obama - Slater threw away his summons near a Dunkin' Donuts, and it should come as no surprise that it was found by a donut-loving cop.

JWoww Buys Chastity Belt, Doesn't Want To Be Pregnant Like Snooki - For the sake of Western Civilization I hope JWoww really is wearing a chastity belt, and that she gave the only key to the Rev. Pat Robertson.

Nude Model Zoe West Sues New York City Over Arrest - Instead of being arrested Zoey should have been given a key to the city, for instilling in New Yorkers a love for art.

Dude Hits Bicyclist Upside The Head With Sausage, And Steals His Bike! - It's a nauseating experience to watch sausages being made, and it's humiliating to be hit upside the head with a sausage.

Lady Moons Cop At A Police Station: Ain't No Shame In Her Game! - It's never the right time to moon a police officer at a police station, that's just begging for trouble

Rodney King's Legacy: Can We All Get Along? - Rodney King was no Rosa Parks, he was an accidental symbol in the long march towards equality for blacks. But it`s not Rodney King the petty criminal that we should remember, it`s the Rodney King, who with his voice chocking with emotion, pleaded with his brothers and sisters: Can we all just get along?

Mom Cat Takes BB Pellet To The Head To Protect Her Kittens - On a serious note, I wish human mothers were as protective of their children as Cindy.

Miracle: Cats Befriend Baby Robin! - This heartwarming story isn't for the birds, we are animal lovers here at SOP.

Goose Named 50 Cent After He Survives Being Shot 7 Times - The future is bright for this victim of fowl play, he's worth a lot more than the two-bit criminal who shot him.

Nattily Dressed Gentleman Robs Bank: Fashion Police Should Have Arrested Him - If I ever see this character, I hope I'm the one wearing sunglasses.

Dude Named 'Rother' Calls 911: Deli Didn't Slather Enough Mayo On His Sandwich - I hope Rother spends at least a day in jail for abuse of the 911 system, the jailbirds would just love a dude named "Rother" who is so picky about his sandwiches.

Cops Tase Nude Lady, 80, For Disturbing The Peace With Her Walking Cane - The cops deserve a raise and a commendation, for dealing with a difficult situation with tact and diplomacy.

Piggy the Piglet's Perilous Adventure - Moral of this story: A piglet doesn't belong locked in a bedroom, cage, frying pan, or in the hands of a bum. A piglet belongs in a pig pen or in a fenced-in backyard.

Lindsay Lohan Treated For Exhaustion! LOL, Exhausted From Doing What? - My bet is that Lohan didn`t suffer exhaustion from helping out at a soup kitchen or working on her craft.

Man Finds Spider In Bed, Runs Through Glass Door & Out Of House Naked As A Jaybird! - If I see a spider in my bed I might wet my drawers and shriek like a schoolgirl, but I will manage to maintain my composure.

Floyd Mayweather Begs Judge To Set Him Free! Dude, You Ain't Lindsay Lohan! - Sorry champ, but you ain`t pretty or pale enough, get used to eating bologna sandwiches and drinking tap water.

America's Future: Zombie Apocalypse & Bristol Palin President Of The USA - Our future is bleak: Economy in ruins, $7.00 gasoline, zombie apocalypse and Bristol Palin as President of the United States.

City To Church: Quiet Down! Infernal Racket Or Joyful Noise Unto The Lord? - New Life Chapel is in a residential neighborhood that might welcome a dignified Episcopalian congregation, but the residents can't tolerate the Holy Ghost shenanigans of a Pentecostal church.

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