 | Redneckognize Honey Boo Boo Child As A Superstar! - We`d be well-advised to redneckognize that Honey Boo Boo will be with for us for decades to come. |
 | Countrified Craziness: Country Bumpkin Finds Ex Living In Her Attic - I`m shocked to discover that a low-income person living in the South has a house with an attic. I thought all country bumpkins lived in trailers or Chevy vans. |
 | Cutout Of Boris Becker Left On German Road Nearly Causes An Accident - Now if a jokester placed a cutout of Maria Sharapova standing up near a highway, it would cause so many wrecks it would look like a demolition derby. |
 | Pooch Eats Wad Of Cash! Owners Recover Money! Don't Ask! - If my pooch, Mandy, ate a $300 cash wad, I would consider it an expensive lesson. I would never in a million years try to recover the money by picking through her droppings. |
 | Shoplifter, 18, Leaves Behind Wallet, Cap, And Sneakers At Walmart - We can't expect a dumb kid who gets high off of cough syrup to have a brilliant career as a shoplifter. |
 | Survey: More Ladies Than Dudes Sleep With Their Pets - It`s funny how women, even those who are always getting on us dudes about washing our hands and using Purell, have no qualms about letting flea-ridden cats and dogs sleep with them. |
 | Illuminati Puppet Nicki Minaj Joins American Idol! Evangelicals, Rap Fans & Haters Of Hype Outraged! - I can see Minaj serving as a judge on a wet T-Shirt contest in Las Vegas, but Middle America will never welcome her into their living rooms. |
 | Parrot's Final Word Before He Died: Cheerio! Owner, 89, Devastated - I feel sorry for this dear old woman; at 89 she is too old to get another pet. |
 | Dude Steals Ton Of Hay As Makeup Gift For Girlfriend! Is She Sarah Jessica Parker? - Are there no flower shops or candy shops in Russia? |
 | Mitt Romney Claims To Like Snooki! What A Phony Moron! - Romney will say anything to win the presidential election, but I never imagined he would stoop so low, in an attempt to appeal to the youth vote. |
 | Video: Adorable Olate Dogs Win America's Got Talent - Some folks may complain that "America's Got Talent" has gone to the dogs, but in my humble opinion "The Olate Dogs" were clearly the top dog in the competition. |
 | Zombie Gnaws On Woman's Head! Zombie Apocalypse Now? - When a dude parks his car in your neighborhood, gets out, and strips buck naked, you know you are in for a bad day. |
 | Lindsay Lohan: A Symbol Of Self-Absorption, Vanity & Ignorance - The accumulation of material possessions isn't going to fill your hear with love, or your brain with wisdom. Lohan's pursuit of wealth will only lead to depression and disappointment. |
 | Dude Assaults Victim With Dirty Drawers - Florida is the new California, everything weird happens in the Sunshine State. |
 | Lady Pulls Gun On Man While They Are Having Sex In A Moving Car - A story that includes a bar, a prostitute, and a moving vehicle is destined not to end well for someone. |
 | Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Goes Bonkers On Set Of 'Scary Movie 5' - The troubled starlet went bonkers when she realized the script was poking fun at her; did she think she was hired because she`s a gifted thespian? |
 | Stop The Insanity! Suspect Uses Smartphone For Robbery Note - The bank robber probably has poor penmanship, and his handwritten note was hard to decipher. It was smart and considerate of him to use a smartphone for the 2nd bank robbery. |
 | Video: William Shatner's One-Man Show Greatest Show In The Universe - I`m not a Trekker, but I would pay good money to hear the Renaissance man opine about any subject under the sun. |
 | Jessica Simpson Dressed Her Baby In A Yellow Bikini! Boycott The Bimbo! - I always knew that Simpson was a lousy actress and a horrible singer, and now it turns out she is also a pathetic mother. |
 | Honey Boo Boo Child: Perfect Celeb For The End Times - Honey Boo Boo is the perfect celeb for the End Times. I'm down with the Apocalypse; you go Honey Boo Boo Child! |
