 | Canadian Strip Club Trying To Recruit Female College Students With Tuition Assistance Program - Strip clubs are legal enterprises in America and Canada, but the owners are scumbags who exploit their female dancers, and rip off their male customers.
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 | Pooch Runs Away From Home, Takes 50-Mile Train Ride To London - Frankie the pooch must not be too happy at home, he wanted to get as far away as possible from his owners.
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 | Old Lady Overfeeds Birds, Making Life A Living Hell For Her Neighbors - This case calls for a judge with the wisdom of Solomon: The city should take away her bird feeder, and give her an indoor bird cage, complete with a parakeet.
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 | Mark Zuckerberg Meets With Facebook's Oldest User: Florence Detlor, 101 - By the time Florence figures out how to ping someone on Facebook, all the young people will have switched to Pinterest or another social media site that hasn't been invented yet.
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 | Shirley MacLaine Rips Lindsay Lohan! - Old people just don't give a hoot, they tell it like it is, and fart with impunity. |
 | Lady Gaga: I'm Going to Record Artpop Sans Clothing, It Will Make My Voice Sound Better - It's yet another publicity stunt from the Queen of Phoniness - what while she say next? I'm going to record my next CD with the microphone pointed at my arse, I'm persuaded it will improve the sound quality.
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 | Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline' Dropped From Penn State's Play List At Football Games - Penn State has gone from enabling a pedophile, and protecting him from prosecution to diving down the rabbit hole.
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 | Male Flight Attendant, 83, Retires After 63 Years Of Service - Congratulations Mr. Akana, but for the love of God, I hope there aren`t any other old coots serving as flight attendants.
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 | Per TMZ Hottie Katy Perry Turned Down $20 Million To Be Judge On American Idol - Mariah probably kicked the dogg, messed up Ryan Seacrest`s hair, pimp slapped Nick Cannon, and ripped out the remaining hair on Jimmy Lovine`s head when she heard the news.
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 | Dude Calls 911: Begs For Female Officer To Come To His House To Entertain Him - I'm sure there will be someone in jail who won't mind getting intimate with Basso, only it won't be a female correctional officer, but a male inmate.
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 | Nicole Polizzi (Snooki) Gives Birth To Baby Boy! The End of the World is Nigh! - Nobody knows who Snooki`s baby daddy is, it could even be Satan himself.
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 | 70% Of Obama's Twitter Followers Fake!Twitter Feed As Fake As His Birth Certificate! - Obama should do the right thing, and immediately shut down his Twitter feed. |
 | Snooki Afraid She Won't Be A Good Mom! - At least Snooki isn't bragging to the press that she will be the greatest mom since Mrs. Brady. |
 | Taylor Swift Makes Lindsay Lohan Seem Like Mother Teresa - It won't be long before Swift is showing off her new "666" tattoo to the paparazzi.
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 | Stop Hatin' On Prince Harry, What Happens In Vegas Should Stay In Vegas - Vegas is a neon city of refuge where even God looks the other way, as you walk a tightrope between indulging in what is slightly wicked and what is really wicked.
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 | Gabriella Cooperman, 12, A Good Egg: Her Lemonade Stand Raises Money For Charity & Has Corporate Sponsors - This is a Norman Rockwell image updated for the 21st century, this little girl's lemonade stand is festooned with corporate logos.
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 | Creep Attached Turtle To A Bunch Of Balloons & Sent It Aloft - I would love to attach the sick person who this to a bunch of balloons and set it aloft over shark-infested waters.
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 | Three Libraries In Hamden, Connecticut Infested With Bed Bugs - These libraries in Connecticut that were infested with bed bugs should be a wake-up call: Leave libraries for the homeless who have nowhere else to go, and buy a damn E-Reader.
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 | Florida Dentist Rides Unicycle To Office On His 75th Birthday - We all accept the fact that dentists are sadists, but we won't tolerate any clowns.
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 | Did Perez Hilton Make Big Mistake By Going After "One Direction"? - It is my journalistic imperative and my patriotic duty to bash and ridicule celebrities. |
