 | Tallest Man In America Needs $15,000 For New Shoes - Send a donation to Igor? Yeah right after I send $5,000 to a Nigerian prince so he can pay ransom to a warlord who is holding his blind cancer-stricken 7-year-old daughter as a hostage.
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 | Thieves Steal Parrot Who Loves To Sing Queen Songs - It's a good thing Booth didn't teach Chico to sing Justine Bieber's greatest hits, the thieves would have flushed him down the toilet by now.
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 | Spike Lee Tweets Wrong George Zimmerman Address, Endangers Lives Of Elderly Couple - Lee's apology is too little too late; I hope the McClains sue the pint-sized director for millions. |
 | Hoodies As Symbol Of Solidarity With Trayvon Martin's Family - Trayvon was wearing a hoodie, probably as protection against the rain, when he was gunned down by wannabe cop George Zimmerman.
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 | Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan To Guest Star On Glee - I would need to get as high as Lohan to ever watch Glee again.
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 | Expectant Mom Snooki Should Take Break From 'Jersey Shore' For Sake Of Baby! - The Jersey Shore stars belch, fart, swear and rut with abandon. |
 | Woman, 100, Serves As Reading Tutor! Bless Senior Citizens! - If a 100-year-old lady can serve as a reading tutor, we should be able to do something to make this a better world.
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 | Video! Unspeakable Horror! Alicia Silverstone Chews Her Son's Food For Him Like Bird - I can imagine french kissing Alicia, and then to my horror discovering that she has swapped not only spit with me, but her breakfast as well.
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 | Octomom Poses In The Buff For Magazine! She's Smoking Hot! You Go Nadya! - With as many babies as Octomom has spit out, her tummy probably looks like a shar pei puppy. |
 | Justice: Cops Force Thief To Reattach Door He Stole! - If this incident had happened in America, the ACLU would have sued on behalf of the thief, they would argue that the man was forced to do hard labor before he was was guilty in a court of law.
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 | Hundreds of Dirty Hippies Wait for Doomsday (Dec. 21) In French Village - I want to wait for Doomsday at home with my faithful pooch and my loving cat, drinking a beer and watching the chaos unfold.
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 | Michigan Humane Society Holds Rat Adoption Day - I would never adopt a rat, but I commend the humane society for holding the rat adoption event: It teaches children to love all animals.
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 | Kitten Lucky To Be Alive After Riding 85 Miles On Top Of Engine - Anyone who owns cats knows they love anything that`s warm, my cat Ebony loves to sit on top of my TV when it`s on. Yeah, I have an old school TV that`s wide enough for a cat to sit on -- don`t hate.
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 | Israel: Man Bites Police Dog And Insults Cops - Dog bites Snooki: News, anything involving the pop tart is news.
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 | Unspeakable Outrage: Dick Cheney Gets A New Heart! - Giving Cheney a new heart makes as much sense as transplanting an extra stomach in Oprah Winfrey. |
 | Liquor Salesman, 71, Fights Off Dastardly Thugs With Bottle Of Tequila - Whitehead probably gulped that sample bottle of tequila after his frightening ordeal.
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 | Dude Cuts Off His Hand! He's In Need Of A Helping Hand! - This man has issues, as they say, and he really needs a helping hand. |
 | Public Housing Project Drama: Lady, 81, Terrorizes Her 71-Year-Old Neighbor - She is a violent woman with a rap sheet, who flunked anger management, and who should be spending her golden years behind bars.
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 | Did John Travolta Bribe A Masseur To Make Love To Him? - I'm not saying that John Travolta is gay, but when he sashays down Castro Street in San Francisco, all the car alarms go off, all the men rush out of the gay bars, all the traffic lights turn lavender, and all the birds start chirping Broadway show tunes.
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 | Dude Calls 911 To Make His Wife Go To Bed, He Wanted To Fool Around Online In Peace - A married woman may go on Facebook to play Farmville and Mob Wars, but dudes go on social media sites to try to hook up with a woman of easy virtue.
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