 | Outrage: Jessica Simpson, Nude & Pregnant, Appears On Cover Of Elle Magazine - Most folks want to use the Simpson issue of Elle magazine as a dart board, the brazen bimbo has given us one more reason to hate her.
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 | Outrage: Granny, 55, Wants To Be Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader! Heck No! - When fans see hot cheerleaders on the sidelines they fantasize about making love to them, not helping them to cross the street.
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 | Milkmen A Dying Breed! Do They Get A Lot Of Action? - Skyrocketing gasoline prices, convenience stores and jealous husbands are to blame for the demise of the milkmen.
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 | Dude Robs Convenience Store, Gets Away With Two Bucks - The crook should have left his gun at home, armed robbery is a felony, and when he's caught he will end up doing hard time over two bucks.
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 | Fat Dude Wearing Tutu And Purple Tights Burglarizes A Church - At one point Baker jumped a chain link fence -- not a wise thing to do when your genitals are exposed.
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 | Rock Legend Debbie Harry, 66, Mistaken For Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan, 25 - When a 25-year-old woman is mistaken for a 66-year-old rocker, it's time to give up the booze and drugs.
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 | 'Jersey Shore' Star Snooki Admits She's Pregnant! Is Jionni The Baby Daddy? - Snooki is too young and too immature to be a mother, we should all be praying that she's not preggers |
 | Sarah Palin Reveals She Voted For Newt Gingrich! Nobody Cares! - Newt Gingrich, 68, grows more cranky and bitter by the day, not even the endorsements of the Pope and Angelina Jolie would help him at this point.
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 | Ron Paul 0 for 23! Time For The Media To Kick Paul To The Curb! - Rep. Ron Paul is now 0 for 23, he's failed to win a single primary or caucus.
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 | Copper The Therapy Dog Dies: Popular Pooch Ministered To Hundreds In Nursing Homes - We should learn from Copper's example and minister to the elderly in nursing homes. |
 | Owner Fights Cougar To Save His Pooch - The brave dog owner wasn't hurt, and his tiny pooch escaped with only a few scratches.
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 | Trooper The Cat Who Was Frozen To Driveway Loses Leg & Tail, But Doing Well - Trooper has earned the right to live in peace and comfort for the rest of his life.
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 | Dutch Mobile Euthanasia Units Make Housecalls! God Bless The Netherlands! - The doctors and nurses manning these units are angels, freeing patients from misery and pain. |
 | New Yorker Sues: Finds Animal Toe In Package Of Artichoke Spinach Dip - This is far from a frivolous lawsuit; I hope Brodsky wins enough money to hire a psychiatrist and a chef.
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 | Two Female Thieves Steal 34K Worth Of Bras And Panties From Victoria's Secret - No woman in Florida may ever again purchase any Victoria's Secret underwear, knowing that the garments that these women stole may have been put back on the shelf.
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 | Enough About Angelina Jolie's Right Leg, What's Up With Her Skinny Arms? - I appreciated Angelina's lovely leg, but I was appalled at her emaciated arms.
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 | Elderly Gentleman Shoots Himself Twice Trying To Kill Caged Racoon - Godwin shouldn't be toting anything more dangerous than a cap gun, his wife should switch his 22-caliber handgun with a cap gun, he probably won't notice.
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 | Jesus Appears To Believer On A Tortilla! Miracle Or Malarkey? - What I would really love to find is a tortilla with an image of Angelina Jolie striking her leg-baring pose, that would be worth a fortune.
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 | Video: Monster Van Crushes Toyota Corolla At The Redneck Yacht Club - The words "redneck" and "yacht club" just don't go together. I wonder if they serve caviar and chitlins at the Redneck Yacht Club?
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 | Angelina Jolie's Right Leg Story Has A Lot Of Leg - In this crazy and cruel world we need a diversion, some comic relief. Thank you Angelina Jolie, for giving us something to joke and talk about around the water cooler.
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