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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Redneckognize Honey Boo Boo Child As A Superstar! - We`d be well-advised to redneckognize that Honey Boo Boo will be with for us for decades to come.

Countrified Craziness: Country Bumpkin Finds Ex Living In Her Attic - I`m shocked to discover that a low-income person living in the South has a house with an attic. I thought all country bumpkins lived in trailers or Chevy vans.

Cutout Of Boris Becker Left On German Road Nearly Causes An Accident - Now if a jokester placed a cutout of Maria Sharapova standing up near a highway, it would cause so many wrecks it would look like a demolition derby.

Pooch Eats Wad Of Cash! Owners Recover Money! Don't Ask! - If my pooch, Mandy, ate a $300 cash wad, I would consider it an expensive lesson. I would never in a million years try to recover the money by picking through her droppings.

Shoplifter, 18, Leaves Behind Wallet, Cap, And Sneakers At Walmart - We can't expect a dumb kid who gets high off of cough syrup to have a brilliant career as a shoplifter.

Survey: More Ladies Than Dudes Sleep With Their Pets - It`s funny how women, even those who are always getting on us dudes about washing our hands and using Purell, have no qualms about letting flea-ridden cats and dogs sleep with them.

Illuminati Puppet Nicki Minaj Joins American Idol! Evangelicals, Rap Fans & Haters Of Hype Outraged! - I can see Minaj serving as a judge on a wet T-Shirt contest in Las Vegas, but Middle America will never welcome her into their living rooms.

Parrot's Final Word Before He Died: Cheerio! Owner, 89, Devastated - I feel sorry for this dear old woman; at 89 she is too old to get another pet.

Dude Steals Ton Of Hay As Makeup Gift For Girlfriend! Is She Sarah Jessica Parker? - Are there no flower shops or candy shops in Russia?

Mitt Romney Claims To Like Snooki! What A Phony Moron! - Romney will say anything to win the presidential election, but I never imagined he would stoop so low, in an attempt to appeal to the youth vote.

Video: Adorable Olate Dogs Win America's Got Talent - Some folks may complain that "America's Got Talent" has gone to the dogs, but in my humble opinion "The Olate Dogs" were clearly the top dog in the competition.

Zombie Gnaws On Woman's Head! Zombie Apocalypse Now? - When a dude parks his car in your neighborhood, gets out, and strips buck naked, you know you are in for a bad day.

Lindsay Lohan: A Symbol Of Self-Absorption, Vanity & Ignorance - The accumulation of material possessions isn't going to fill your hear with love, or your brain with wisdom. Lohan's pursuit of wealth will only lead to depression and disappointment.

Dude Assaults Victim With Dirty Drawers - Florida is the new California, everything weird happens in the Sunshine State.

Lady Pulls Gun On Man While They Are Having Sex In A Moving Car - A story that includes a bar, a prostitute, and a moving vehicle is destined not to end well for someone.

Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Goes Bonkers On Set Of 'Scary Movie 5' - The troubled starlet went bonkers when she realized the script was poking fun at her; did she think she was hired because she`s a gifted thespian?

Stop The Insanity! Suspect Uses Smartphone For Robbery Note - The bank robber probably has poor penmanship, and his handwritten note was hard to decipher. It was smart and considerate of him to use a smartphone for the 2nd bank robbery.

Video: William Shatner's One-Man Show Greatest Show In The Universe - I`m not a Trekker, but I would pay good money to hear the Renaissance man opine about any subject under the sun.

Jessica Simpson Dressed Her Baby In A Yellow Bikini! Boycott The Bimbo! - I always knew that Simpson was a lousy actress and a horrible singer, and now it turns out she is also a pathetic mother.

Honey Boo Boo Child: Perfect Celeb For The End Times - Honey Boo Boo is the perfect celeb for the End Times. I'm down with the Apocalypse; you go Honey Boo Boo Child!

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