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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Outrage: Jessica Simpson, Nude & Pregnant, Appears On Cover Of Elle Magazine - Most folks want to use the Simpson issue of Elle magazine as a dart board, the brazen bimbo has given us one more reason to hate her.

Outrage: Granny, 55, Wants To Be Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader! Heck No! - When fans see hot cheerleaders on the sidelines they fantasize about making love to them, not helping them to cross the street.

Milkmen A Dying Breed! Do They Get A Lot Of Action? - Skyrocketing gasoline prices, convenience stores and jealous husbands are to blame for the demise of the milkmen.

Dude Robs Convenience Store, Gets Away With Two Bucks - The crook should have left his gun at home, armed robbery is a felony, and when he's caught he will end up doing hard time over two bucks.

Fat Dude Wearing Tutu And Purple Tights Burglarizes A Church - At one point Baker jumped a chain link fence -- not a wise thing to do when your genitals are exposed.

Rock Legend Debbie Harry, 66, Mistaken For Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan, 25 - When a 25-year-old woman is mistaken for a 66-year-old rocker, it's time to give up the booze and drugs.

'Jersey Shore' Star Snooki Admits She's Pregnant! Is Jionni The Baby Daddy? - Snooki is too young and too immature to be a mother, we should all be praying that she's not preggers

Sarah Palin Reveals She Voted For Newt Gingrich! Nobody Cares! - Newt Gingrich, 68, grows more cranky and bitter by the day, not even the endorsements of the Pope and Angelina Jolie would help him at this point.

Ron Paul 0 for 23! Time For The Media To Kick Paul To The Curb! - Rep. Ron Paul is now 0 for 23, he's failed to win a single primary or caucus.

Copper The Therapy Dog Dies: Popular Pooch Ministered To Hundreds In Nursing Homes - We should learn from Copper's example and minister to the elderly in nursing homes.

Owner Fights Cougar To Save His Pooch - The brave dog owner wasn't hurt, and his tiny pooch escaped with only a few scratches.

Trooper The Cat Who Was Frozen To Driveway Loses Leg & Tail, But Doing Well - Trooper has earned the right to live in peace and comfort for the rest of his life.

Dutch Mobile Euthanasia Units Make Housecalls! God Bless The Netherlands! - The doctors and nurses manning these units are angels, freeing patients from misery and pain.

New Yorker Sues: Finds Animal Toe In Package Of Artichoke Spinach Dip - This is far from a frivolous lawsuit; I hope Brodsky wins enough money to hire a psychiatrist and a chef.

Two Female Thieves Steal 34K Worth Of Bras And Panties From Victoria's Secret - No woman in Florida may ever again purchase any Victoria's Secret underwear, knowing that the garments that these women stole may have been put back on the shelf.

Enough About Angelina Jolie's Right Leg, What's Up With Her Skinny Arms? - I appreciated Angelina's lovely leg, but I was appalled at her emaciated arms.

Elderly Gentleman Shoots Himself Twice Trying To Kill Caged Racoon - Godwin shouldn't be toting anything more dangerous than a cap gun, his wife should switch his 22-caliber handgun with a cap gun, he probably won't notice.

Jesus Appears To Believer On A Tortilla! Miracle Or Malarkey? - What I would really love to find is a tortilla with an image of Angelina Jolie striking her leg-baring pose, that would be worth a fortune.

Video: Monster Van Crushes Toyota Corolla At The Redneck Yacht Club - The words "redneck" and "yacht club" just don't go together. I wonder if they serve caviar and chitlins at the Redneck Yacht Club?

Angelina Jolie's Right Leg Story Has A Lot Of Leg - In this crazy and cruel world we need a diversion, some comic relief. Thank you Angelina Jolie, for giving us something to joke and talk about around the water cooler.

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