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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Should Airplane Passengers Be Allowed To Watch Porn On Their iPads? - I rarely make common cause with evangelicals, but I agree that passengers watching porn in an airplane is a rotten idea.

Is A Video Depicting Ants Crawling Over A Crucifix Art? - I don't condemn Wojnarowicz for the controversial aspect of his work, but for his lack of originality.

18-Year-Old Arrested: Mom Calls Cops When She Finds Pot In His Room - Mom did the right thing by calling The Man to remove the marijuana plants form her son's bedroom. While the son is in jail, she should put all his belongings out on the street, change the locks, and let him fend for himself.

National Emergency Alert Notification Plays Lady Gaga! End Of The World? - The poor souls that heard a Lady Gaga sound playing in the background of the emergency alert notification must have thought the Apocalypse had arrived.

Video: Rick Perry Brain Freeze! Biggest Gaffe In History Of Presidential Debates! - Perry wasn't asked to name all the presidents, he should be able to name the three agencies he wants to eliminate while making love to his wife, downing shots of whisky, and juggling swords.

Will You Buy Christmas Presents For Your Pets This Year? - Any pet owner who forgets his pets on Christmas is a stingy Scrooge who doesn't deserve to have any animals in his home.

Are You Going To Buy The Lindsay Lohan Issue Of Playboy? - It would be more proper and fitting if the pop diva appeared on the pages of Penthouse or Hu(s)tler.

Rev. Herman Cain: A Liar, A Hypocrite And A Monster! - Rev. Herman Cain, you are a liar, a hypocrite, and a monster with a penchant for putting your filthy paw inside a woman's skirt and feeling her up.

Outrage: Gov. Scott Walker Says Tree In Capitol Rotunda Is A 'Christmas Tree' - It's an outrage and an insult to everyone who is not a Christian, for the tree in the Capitol Rotunda to be called anything other than a Holiday tree.

Justin Bieber Has More Integrity And Wisdom Than Herman Cain - Pop star Justin Bieber may be only 17-years-old, but he has more wisdom and integrity than Herman Cain the 65-year-old former CEO of Godfather's Pizza.

Delightful Lady, 106, Loves Her Some Pizza And Having A Good Time - Margaret, you are my idol! I wish I could mail you a pizza with a dozen toppings.

No Need For GOP Presidential Hopefuls To Attack Herman Cain, He's Dead Meat! - There is no need for Romney and company to lay a hand on Cain, he's dead meat. Especially now that a 4th accuser has surfaced, with Almighty Super Lawyer Gloria Allred by her side.

Herman Cain In Deep Poop: 4th Accuser Surfaces With Gloria Allred By Her Side! - Cain's goose is cooked, especially if the victim is white. His Tea Party supporters will desert him in droves, if this "strong black conservative" s(e)xually harassed a white woman.

Herman Cain, For God's Sake Quit! - Cain is like that last slice of leftover pizza in the fridge, it's been picked up and put back in the fridge by every member of the family.

Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Crashes Leonardo DiCaprio Party! Guests Horrified! - If the troubled pop tart crashed a party at a crack house, she would make the denizens uncomfortable. It's reached the point where Lohan would be persona non grata in hell.

Pop Tart Snooki Hawks 'Flirty' Perfume - The latest product to bear Snooki's name is a perfume titled Snooki by Nicole Polizzi. The fragrance is packaged in a gaudy bottle that would make a drag queen blush.

Video: Lady Gaga As Pointless As 'Visionaire' The World's Largest Magazine - Anybody with two brain cells to rub together would never buy a gigantic magazine, and he would never buy a Lady Gaga CD.

Amy Winehouse A Genius! Listen To 'Our Day Will Come' From Her New Album! - Listen to this reggae version of "Our Day Will come", originally recorded by Ruby and the Romantics, and you will be convinced that this isn't just an album of outtakes and rejected material.

Baba Suwe, Famous Nigerian Comic, Suspected Of Smuggling Cocaine In His Stomach - Babatunde Omidina, better known by his stage name Baba Suwe, was arrested at the Lagos Airport when an airport scanner discovered what appeared to be bags of cocaine in his stomach.

Andy Rooney, You Old Curmudgeon, We Will Miss You! - Andy Rooney didn't make much sense half of the time, but I always felt better after I listened to him vent. I'll take the likes of Rooney over a dozen blow-dried talking heads.


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