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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Stop The Insanity: Cops Free Customer From Handcuffs At Sex Shop - The fool won`t incorporate anything more kinky than Wesson oil in his sex life.

Intruder Turns Out To Be Turkey - The bird was released by the cops, but the homeowner should have been arrested for being such a chicken.

University Student Sues To Keep Her Guinea Pig In Her Dorm Room - If Velzen suffers from chronic depression she and her guinea pig should move to a more quiet off-campus location.

Holy Blessed Stingray! Lady Finds Dead Stingray With Image Of Jesus Christ - Have a happy Easter! May God bless you by letting you find an image of Jesus on a decomposing corpse of a bunny.

Video: Outrage, The Easter Bunny Is Arrested - So what if Medema stole a few DVD's, it's an obsolete format anyway.

Outrage: Nightclub Offers Discount To Food Stamps Recipients - Instead of getting a discount anyone who flashes a food stamp card should get a free can of pinto beans and a kick in the butt.

Outrage: Octomom (Nadya Suleman) Gets Death Threats After Going On Welfare - Help Nadya feed her kids: Give her a call on Dial A D-Lister!

Video: Dial A D-Lister! You Can Chat With Hottie Octomom For $12 Per Minute - Do a good deed and give Octomom a call, her kids will thank you!

What A Joke: MTV Warns Jersey Shore's 'The Situation' That He Drinks Too Much - If The Situation didn`t drink like a sailor on shore leave, and Snooki didn`t rut like a rabbit in heat, and JWoww didn`t dress like a ten-dollar h[o]oker, nobody would watch the damn show.

Kingdom Harvest Church In Wichita Gives Away Free Gas - Members of the church treated the drivers like royalty, washing their windshields and windows. Remember when gas station attendants used to wash your windshields and check your oil?

Whitney Houston Memorabilia Auctioned - A lot more folks would be interested in owning the tub where Whitney drowned; I'd just hope that the person with the winning bid would respect her memory by snorting coke instead of doing crack while taking a bath.

Paris Hilton Mortified When Aussie Journalist Implies She's No Longer Famous - The Aussie journalist committed a cardinal sin: She told the truth! It seems Paris Hilton can't handle the truth. LOL, Hilton you are so not hot.

Dude Argues: Swimming Au Naturel In Public Beach Is Performance Art! Hogwash! - To argue that swimming naked in a public beach is art is quite a stretch. If that's performance art then I should be able to argue that punching Scully for exposing himself in front of children is art criticism.

Dude Saws Off Foot & Burns It To Continue Receiving Unemployment Compensation - Hans should kick himself in the arse with the one good foot he has left.

Insanity: Woman Hides Drugs In Her Dentures! - DeMarco removed the pills from her dentures, and swallowed them in front of the cops. That foolish act earned her a charge of tampering with evidence.

Video: Canadian Drunk Dude Serenades Cops With 'Bohemian Rhapsody' - To hell with "Kumbaya", nothing will bring us together more than holding hands and singing the Queen classic hit.

Race Hustler Al Sharpton And Strip Club Exploit Killing Of Trayvon Martin! - The owners of the strip club have come to their senses, and called off the event, let`s hope Sharpton comes to his senses and shuts the hell up.

Would You Buy Toilet Paper With Paris Hilton's Tweets? - Paris Hilton tweet: I`m in the crapper, OMG itz true, my poop really dont smell. Should I sell my cute poops on eBay?

Who Says Postal Service Is Useless? Postal Worker Delivers Pot To Resident! - Veronica Denise Johnson, 49, of Marathon, Fla, may be the only postal worker in America who is performing a useful service.

Thieves Grab Gold Necklace From Blinged-Out Baby! Heroes Or Villains? - The bad guys in this incident aren't the thieves, it's the moron who put an expensive gold chain around the neck of a toddler.

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