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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Janitor, 52, Graduating From Columbia University! Bravo! - It`s never too late to go to college, I wish Gac and his family nothing but the best.

Insanity: Lindsay Lohan To Attend 'Chant' At Courtney Love's Home - Woman in circle: This is some great coke! I feel Lohan`s spirit my sisters! I have an irresistible urge to take off my drawers!

Swedish Ladies Live In Fear Of Flatulence During Intimate Moments - It is not a dude`s stomach but another part of his anatomy that dictates whether or not he will engage in sex.

American Idol: Joshua Ledet Needs Courage & Jessica Sanchez Needs A Heart! - Phillip was born with good looks, a white countenance, and a modicum of talent, what the hell else do you need to win American Idol.

Tanorexic Doll Based On Tanning Mom The Most Frightening Toy In The World - May Almighty God save us from the likes of Tanning Mom!

Ohio Prisoners Form 'Real Men Crochet' Group - I never thought a bunch of cons would provide fodder for a heartwarming story.

Amy Winehouse Self-Portrait In Blood To Be Auctioned - Not to put too fine a point on it, but Pete Doherty is a maggot. I`d rather buy an Amy Winehouse album, than bid on the macabre painting.

American Idol Top 4: Sanchez Skinny, Phillips Restrained, Ledet Exceptional, Hollie Gone - If Hollie had done a halfway decent job singing Bonnie Raitt`s "I Can`t Make You Love Me", Jessica would be the next one to be booted out.

Miracle Of Birth Takes Place In A Restaurant - The restaurant should name a sandwich or at least an appetizer after baby Azauria.

Dude Changes Name To Google-Friendly Tyrannosaurus Rex - I would counsel new parents to give their babies Google-friendly names like "Lady Caca" or "Monster Face", a unique name is a gift that keeps on giving.

Miley Cyrus' Film 'LOL' Bombs! Should Miley Retire From Show Business? - The idea of Miley Cyrus as a serious actress is "LOL" funny.

Some Folks See Naked Woman On Face Of New Plastic Canadian $20 Bill - I wouldn't complain if they introduced a dollar bill with a picture of a naked woman, it would be an improvement of images of dead white guys.

Masseur Sues John Travolta For Sexual Battery - Nobody has a problem with Travolta's sexual orientation, he was born that way, but sexual battery is a crime.

Obama Put On Big Girl Panties & Support Same-Sex Marriage! - We don't need a Gumby President who is flexible when it's politically expedient, we need a Leader of the Free World with a backbone.

Is Nelson The Baby Parrot The Ugliest Bird In The World? See Pics! - Pretty boy, he ain't!

Video: Adorable Meow The 39-Pound Cat Dies! - Adopt a kitty from your local shelter, love him, play with him, but for God`s sake don`t feed him too much.

Survey Says: Ladies Fantasize About Making Out On Eiffel Tower - OK, let`s get real now, the damn structure is a giant phallic symbol, and for women size does matter.

Pop Tart Amanda Bynes Involved In Hit-And-Run -- Again! - Amanda: Hire a chauffeur!

God Bless Kim Kardashian! She Tweeted Sexy Pics Of Herself! - When Kim Kardashian gets bored she doesn`t practice the scripted dialogue for her reality show, count her money, or admire her butt in the mirror.

Demi Moore Finally Changes Twitter Handle To Reflect Split From Ashton Kutcher - There are not many roles for mature actresses in Hollywood, since 2005 Demi Moore, 49, has been playing the role of cougar married to the much younger heartthrob Ashton Kutcher.

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