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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Crazy Old Coot Moves Ambulance: It Was Blocking His Vehicle - We all know a grumpy old man like Melamed, you know the old coot who yells at the kids to get off his lawn, and leaves junk on the street in front of his house so nobody can park there.

Video: Jay Leno Wimps Out, Lets Michelle Obama Cajole Him Into Eating Veggies - Leno should trade in his Harley for a scooter, pawn his family jewels, and call Jenny Craig.

Breaking News: Soul Train Legend Don Cornelius Dead Of Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wound - Don Cornelius will forever be remembered as the creator of of the nationally syndicated dance show Soul Train, which he hosted from 1971-1993.

Should Toto's Breed (Cairn Terrier) Be Named The State Dog Of Kansas? Yes! - Toto is perhaps the most beloved pooch in the history of cinema, and the cairn terrier is the only rational option for the state dog of Kansas.

Dude Spots His Girlfriend's Stolen Car While Riding A Bus - The thieves said that the stolen car was unlocked, and the keys were inside. They mght as well have left a few bucks inside the car to help out the thieves with gas money.

X-Factor Bloodbath: Paula Abdul, Steve Jones And Nicole Scherzinger Fired! Cowell Is Nuts! - We love Paula, we think Nicole is sizzling hot, and Steve is a cool dude, but Cowell and Reid stink to high heaven.

Video: Carmageddon Pile-Up On Interstate 75 In Florida Kills Ten - Life is so uncertain, one moment we can be driving without a care in the world, and the next we may find ourselves in a life or death situation.

Should Eating Be Banned In New York City Subways? - There are yahoos who eat fried chicken and fries and leave the bones on the subway floor, splatter ketchup all over the place, clean their greasy hands on the seats, and let out a loud fart for good measure.

Michelle Obama's $50,000 Shopping Spree Story False: White House - American women who buy their intimate apparel at Wal-Mart will remember Michelle's "let them eat cake" attitude when it comes time to vote this November.

Waterless Urinals In High School Spring Leaks (Not Water) - There is a special place in hell reserved for environmentalists who come up with environmentally-safe contraptions that don't work and make our lives miserable.

Sarah Palin Furious At Alaska Airlines' Decision To Drop Prayer Cards - If I sat next to the former beauty queen I'd probably end up killing myself or kissing her smack on the lips to get her to shut the hell up.

Paris Hilton To Record With LMFAO and Snoop Dogg! Sign Of The End Times? - The only way Snoop Dogg can survive his recording gig with Paris is by filling the recording studio with the sweet aroma of marijuana.

Boxes Of Moonshine Leads To Evacuation Of Florida Post Office - We are a nation of wimps, a dozen cowards stand around the box, before somebody finally decides to examine the contents.

Heroic Old Lady Holds Young Punk At Gunpoint Until Cops Arrive! - A gun-toting grandma, who curses and drinks, don't you just love it?

State Sen. Ralph Shortey Introduces Bill To Ban Sale Of Food Using Human Fetuses - We aren't living in a Soylent Green nightmarish world, no food product sold in the United States, or anywhere else in the world for that matter, has ever used aborted human fetuses or human stem cells.

Video: Birds Terrorize Kentucky Neighborhood! Sign Of The End Times? - In a sane world the residents of Kentucky would worry only about mundane problems like a thief stealing their moonshine or the trailer park tramp leaving her trailer without her top again.

Former Child Star Miley Cyrus: The Most Disgusting Celeb In Hollywood? - Once a female child star hits the magic age of 18, she sets out to prove that she's a big girl now by acting like an out-of-control slut.

Racist Governor Jan Brewer Disses President Barack Obama - The photo of the Arizona governor wagging her finger at President Obama conveys the disdain that she has for the President of the United States more succinctly that a thousand editorials.

Madonna To Perform With Cee Lo Green, MIA And Niki Minaj At Super Bowl - Two great teams, a legend performing on the halftime show, the Super Bowl is must-see TV!

Thief Snatched Purse From Victim When She Was In Toilet - She should have clutched her purse with one hand, and wiped her bottom with the other.

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