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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Do-Rag With Velcro? Wear One At The Risk Of Getting Beat Up! - If I'm walking on the street and I see a group of street kids wearing do-rags, I give them a wide berth. But if I notice that one of them is wearing a Velcro do-rag, I would be so outraged that I would go Medieval on him.

Pumpkin Thief Goes Medieval On Fool Who Tried To Stop Him - The pumpkin thief went Medieval on the fool who tried to thwart his crime, sending him to the hospital with head injuries. I hope the idiot has learned his lesson, and will mind his own business from now on.

Chris Christie: Lose 150 Pounds Before You Consider Running For President! - Christie isn't merely pudgy or overweight, he's sideshow freak fat. He's not simply obese, he's morbidly obese.

Arch West Creator Of Doritos To Be Buried With Iconic Tortilla Chips - If I was stranded on a deserted island I would be OK as long as I had a case of Doritos, bottled water and an MP3 Player loaded with Adele's songs.

'Frank And Louie' The Two-Faced Cat Turns Twelve - It's very rare for a two-faced kitten to live for more than a few days, it's incredible that Frank and Loui has survived 12 years.

Billboard Depicts Obama As Crying Baby With Dirty Diapers! - I hope that Reily will take down the signs of his own volition, but if the city of New Orleans forces him to take them down, I may go to the Big Easy to protest the fascist city government.

Outrage: Radio Station Holds 'Win A Baby' Contest! - There are too many people in this world, the radio station should do the socially responsible thing, and offer free sterilization as a prize.

First Date From Hell: Dude Treats Lady To Ruth's Chris Steakhouse Then Shoots Self - The woman should take this weird incident as a sign that there should be no second date with this loser.

Deadly Outbreak Of Listeriosis! Is It Safe To Eat Cantaloupes? - Listeriosis is a deadly disease, if you ate a cantaloupe and you got a fever, muscle aches and vomiting, for heaven's sake see a doctor immediately.

Tony Bennett Polar Opposite Of Lady Gaga - Legendary crooner Tony Bennett is the epitome of style and elegance, his timeless music doesn`t need any embellishments to strike a chord with the public.

Lady Gets Bent Out Of Shape: Starbucks Coffee Cup Had Profanity Written On It - I wouldn't care if my Starbucks coffee cup was riddled with obscenities as long as I didn't have to get a loan to afford it.

Grandma, 96, Blows Away Her Nephew With .357 Magnum! - This grandma has a beatific smile, and heavenly white hair, but don't let that fool you, her heart is made of stone.

Heroes Rescue Little Pooch From Raw Sewage - It's the stories about miscreants abusing dogs and cats that make the news; it's wonderful to read an article about heroes who were willing to jump into raw sewage to rescue a little doggie.

Outrage: Leisha Hailey Booted From Southwest Airlines Plane For Kissing Girlfriend - A flight attendant told Leisha that Southwest Airlines was a "family airline" and kissing wasn't allowed. Hogwash! I'm sure that flight attendant doesn't reprimand

Video! The Horror, The Horror! Nancy Grace Wardrobe Malfunction on 'DWTS" - Nancy Grace wardrobe malfunction! One of Nancy's twin girls made an unexpected appearance. The crowd was stunned into silence; the judges had their mouths wide open, and I dropped my coffee on my lap!

Buddy The Surfer Dog Top Dog Again: Wins Fifth Surfiing Competition! - More than 80 pooches competed in the surfing competition in which Buddy emerged as top dog. Buddy is a real hot dog, I bet he did at least on Hang 10.

Sorceress Cagliastro Mummifies Pets! Would You Mummify Your Pooch Or Cat? - The Sorceress's goal in life is to one day mummify humans, for heaven's sake don't let this woman get anywhere near your pet, I don't care if it's alive or dead.

'Undie Run' In Salt Lake City A Smashing Success! There Are Liberals In Utah - I applaud the Undie Run participants for fighting against intolerance in a fun way; I hope the Undie Run will become an annual event.

Pig Finds A Home In An Office Park, Eluding Capture From Animal Control Officers - Pigs are as playful and cute as they are tasty and delicious. I don't know what I enjoy more, petting piglets at a petting zoo or eating BBQ pork ribs.

Group Of 6th Graders Find Hiker Who Had Been Missing For 2 Days - When the hapless hiker woke up it was dark, his cell phone was dead, and he quickly became lost when he tried to find his car.

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