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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

OMG! Snooki & Tanning Mom Engaged In Epic Battle Of Words! Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid! - There`s only one way to settle this beef: An MTV claymation death match between Tanning Mom and Snooki.

Kitty Survives Two-Hour Washing Machine Ordeal! - Tabitha probably has only one life left after her ordeal; I hope that Karin watches her very closely.

Why Hollie Cavanagh Has A Better Chance Than Joshua Ledet Of Winning American Idol - Hollie is an adequate singer, a poor dancer, and kind of a dull girl, but when she smiles I feel a need to buy her an ice cream cone or cast a vote for her.

Perfect Song Choice For Joshua Ledet: Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' - If Joshua comes out of the closet, he will be America`s Idol even if he doesn`t win American Idol.

Young Scholar Spots Mistake In Museum Map - A 13-year-old boy shouldn`t be in a stuffy museum learning about the Byzantine Empire, he should be in the streets getting a real education.

Shock Poll: 15 Percent Of People Worldwide Believe End Of The World Is Nigh - Global Public Affairs, which conducted the poll, is a respected organization, but I believe that the percentage of people who believe the world will end soon is much higher.

Shoplifter Waves Samurai Sword At Security Guard - A samurai sword is a very intimidating weapon, and brandishing the sword will stop a security guard dead in his tracks.

Redneck Couple Gets Married At The Hog Waller Mud Bog & ATV Mud Pit - Kodie and Carina are good stewards of their finances, the typical couple who spends around $25,000 for a wedding are morons.

Joshua Ledet & Phillip Phillips Duet On Idol Reveals Joshua's Fear Of His Sexuality - Joshua needs to loosen up, dude are you so afraid of your sexual orientation that you don't even want to be seen playfully embracing a guy?

Breaking News: Junior Seau Commits Suicide! Shoots Himself! - Former longtime NFL linebacker Junior Seau committed suicide today at his Oceanside, Calif., home. San Diego Chargers Chaplain Shawn Mitchell told ABCNews.com that Seau died of a 'self inflicted gunshot wound to the chest this morning.' Seau was 43

Lady Finds Grasshopper In 'President's Choice' Can Of Beans! Obama Would Have Dumped Beans And Eaten Grasshopper! - At least the can of beans was properly labeled "President`s Choice", in his memoir President Barack Obama admitted that as a child in Indonesia he ate grasshoppers, dogs and snakes.

That Obama Ate Dogs Not Worst Thing We Learn About Him In His Memoir - Now every time Obama is on TV I think I see grasshopper legs stuck in his teeth, and is that a snake in his pocket or is he just glad to be on TV?

Video: Blind Golden Retriever Gets A Guide Dog - Blair and Tanner are fortunate, it's only a matter of time before they perfect home is found for them. But there are many cute puppies and beautiful mature canines yearning to be adopted.

Russian Christians Dump Holy Water On Supporters Of Punk Band P**** Riot! - This incident features punk, prayer, and politics, it should be the lead story in every news channel in the world.

Snooki: I Never Dissed Jessica Simpson! Love Her Hot Ass Bump! - As an impartial observer let me put an end to this pregnancy war: Both of you are packing a lot of junk in your trunk, chill out ladies!

Double Shocker: Octomom Files For Bankruptcy & Will Do Adult Movie - With fourteen kids to take care of I doubt Octomom has had the time or the privacy to touch herself in years, she will doubtless enjoy filming the movie.

Survey: Moms Prefer Homemade Card Over Diamonds For Mother's Day! Yeah, Right! - Dude don't be an idiot, for Mother's Day give your wife a handmade card and a diamond necklace.

World Gone Mad: Obama Eats Dogs, Kim Kardashian & LiLo Attend WH Correspondents' Dinner! - Where's Lindsay Lohan when you need her? I could use some cocaine!

'Glee' Has Jumped The Shark! Lindsay Lohan Episode A Total Nightmare! - If the clueless celeb can`t remember her lines for a cameo role, how can she possibly handle a lead role?

Lindsay Lohan & Paris Hilton BFF's Again: All Is Right With The World! - But what do two brain-dead starlets do when they get together? Party of course!

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