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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Disgraced Bishop Eddie Long Apologizes To Jewish Group - Eddie Long's apology is insincere and self-serving, and the Anti-Defamation League should have rejected it out of hand.

M.I.A Flips The Bird During Performance With Madonna At Super Bowl Halftime Show - This loser can flip the bird all she wants to when she performs in dives and clubs before dozens of her fans.

Hero Cops Use Taser On Moron Blocking McDonald's Drive-Through - I'm surprised there aren't more instances of drive-through rage. Folks are so impatient, they expect that as soon as they place their orders, Ronald McDonald will sprint to their car with their order.

Identity of Dude Who Held Up McDonald's Wearing Obama Mask Remains Mystery - Gingrich looks like a bloated elephant. I bet he robbed the McDonald's, getting away with $1,000 and a thousand Big Macs.

A Veggie Hot Dog Is An Abomination - If a string bikini-clad Angelina Jolie handed me a veggie dog I might eat, but otherwise I'd rather croak than eat the abomination.

Outrageous Video: Gay Bishop Eddie Long Declared King In Profane Ceremony - This ridiculous and profane spectacle isn't going to restore the minister's reputation

Theft Of Frozen Fetus Leads To Gang Fight Of Epic Proportions - The gang bangers were members of the notorious Black Power Gang, they would seem more frightening if they called themselves The Frozen Fetus Gang.

Corpse Sits Among Gamers In Internet Cafe: Nobody Notices Or Cares! - A dude playing a video game looks like a dead man, as he sits mesmerized before the video screen with only his fingers moving at warp speed.

Cops Collar Naked Kentucky Hillbilly Burglar Covered In Peanut Butter & Chocolate - Chocolate and peanut butter go great together, but I'm thinking more in the lines of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup; I may never eat my favorite candy again.

Madness In LA: 'Catwoman' Clobbers 'Jack Sparrow' - I'm not surprised Catwoman got the best of Jack Sparrow, Cinderella would probably be able to beat the daylights out of the fey pirate.

Video: Adorable Kitten Born With Two Faces! - We need to learn to see beauty in everything and everyone, don't judge a book by its cover.

Sickening: Gisele Begs Friends To Pray Hubby Tom Brady Will Win Super Bowl! - There is a special place in hell reserved for those those like Gisele who have everything in the world, but no sense of perspective.

Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Six More Weeks of Winter! What Winter? - Phil may be an out-of-shape blob like Newt Gingrich, but he would never say that he doesn't care about poor groundhogs.

Flesh-Eating Bugs Can Be Spread By Coughing, Sneezing and Hugging - Taking the bus to work, instead of driving, may be the politically-correct thing to do, but I'd rather be politically-incorrect but healthy.

Did Researchers Find 2nd UFO On Floor Of The Baltic Sea? - Instead of hoping that a UFO will come down from heaven, maybe we should be looking at the oceans for the possibility of a UFO or SFO (submerged flying object) coming out of the oceans.

Mom Had 13 Baggies Of Coke, 22 Ecstasy Pills, 48 Xanax Pills And 1 Toddler In Car - Maybe she will turn over a new leaf behind bars, keep her eyes open, and learn to be a good mother. And maybe pigs will fly out of her behind, while she's passed on drugs with her eyes closed.

Crazy Old Coot Moves Ambulance: It Was Blocking His Vehicle - We all know a grumpy old man like Melamed, you know the old coot who yells at the kids to get off his lawn, and leaves junk on the street in front of his house so nobody can park there.

Video: Jay Leno Wimps Out, Lets Michelle Obama Cajole Him Into Eating Veggies - Leno should trade in his Harley for a scooter, pawn his family jewels, and call Jenny Craig.

Breaking News: Soul Train Legend Don Cornelius Dead Of Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wound - Don Cornelius will forever be remembered as the creator of of the nationally syndicated dance show Soul Train, which he hosted from 1971-1993.

Should Toto's Breed (Cairn Terrier) Be Named The State Dog Of Kansas? Yes! - Toto is perhaps the most beloved pooch in the history of cinema, and the cairn terrier is the only rational option for the state dog of Kansas.

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