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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

OMG! Steve Jobs Nerdy Turtlenecks Selling Like Hotcakes - I may download a song from iTunes in tribute to Steve Jobs, but you couldn`t pay me enough to don a turtleneck.

Miracle: Baby Alligator Survives Being Flushed Down A Toilet! - All babies (human and animal) are so cute and helpless, only a sick soul would flush a baby alligator down the toilet.

Governor Chris Christie Not Running For President - Christie's decision dashed the hopes of Republican true believers who were desperately searching for an alternative to the moderate Mitt Romney.

Teen Makes Good Living Impersonating Justin Bieber - Anthony may be popular with the girls in his high school, but I bet all the guys think he's a dork. Doing a voice role on "Dora the Explorer" and impersonating Justin Beiber isn't going to make Anthony the Big Man on Campus.

88-Year Old Lady Fights Off Robber - A robber who forces his way into your home doesn't need career counseling, he needs a belly full of buck shot.

Rick Perry Hunting Camp Controversy: N-Word Rock Will Crush His Campaign - Rick Perry is acting like this incident is no big thing, and this speaks volumes about him. Perry needs to explain himself, or get out of the race.

Most Wonderful Phrase In The World: Bikini Parade - Any mayor who fails to organize a bikini parade for the edification and enjoyment of his constituents should be recalled from office.

Outrage: Obama Calls Buffoonish Lady Gaga "Leader of the Gays." - President Obama's joke is offensive, it plays into the stereotype that gays are frivolous souls who worship a dingbat like Lady Gaga. Most gays do not belong to Lady Gaga's army of sycophants, otherwise known as monsters.

Outrage: Medical Marijuana Dispensaries In San Diego Face Eviction - In tough economic times we need more medical-marijuana dispensaries and massage parlors to ease the pain.

Outrage: City Officials Force Artist To Paint Over Beaver In A Mural - In a world teeming with rats, snakes, and politicians, we need more, not less beavers.

Do-Rag With Velcro? Wear One At The Risk Of Getting Beat Up! - If I'm walking on the street and I see a group of street kids wearing do-rags, I give them a wide berth. But if I notice that one of them is wearing a Velcro do-rag, I would be so outraged that I would go Medieval on him.

Pumpkin Thief Goes Medieval On Fool Who Tried To Stop Him - The pumpkin thief went Medieval on the fool who tried to thwart his crime, sending him to the hospital with head injuries. I hope the idiot has learned his lesson, and will mind his own business from now on.

Chris Christie: Lose 150 Pounds Before You Consider Running For President! - Christie isn't merely pudgy or overweight, he's sideshow freak fat. He's not simply obese, he's morbidly obese.

Arch West Creator Of Doritos To Be Buried With Iconic Tortilla Chips - If I was stranded on a deserted island I would be OK as long as I had a case of Doritos, bottled water and an MP3 Player loaded with Adele's songs.

'Frank And Louie' The Two-Faced Cat Turns Twelve - It's very rare for a two-faced kitten to live for more than a few days, it's incredible that Frank and Loui has survived 12 years.

Billboard Depicts Obama As Crying Baby With Dirty Diapers! - I hope that Reily will take down the signs of his own volition, but if the city of New Orleans forces him to take them down, I may go to the Big Easy to protest the fascist city government.

Outrage: Radio Station Holds 'Win A Baby' Contest! - There are too many people in this world, the radio station should do the socially responsible thing, and offer free sterilization as a prize.

First Date From Hell: Dude Treats Lady To Ruth's Chris Steakhouse Then Shoots Self - The woman should take this weird incident as a sign that there should be no second date with this loser.

Deadly Outbreak Of Listeriosis! Is It Safe To Eat Cantaloupes? - Listeriosis is a deadly disease, if you ate a cantaloupe and you got a fever, muscle aches and vomiting, for heaven's sake see a doctor immediately.

Tony Bennett Polar Opposite Of Lady Gaga - Legendary crooner Tony Bennett is the epitome of style and elegance, his timeless music doesn`t need any embellishments to strike a chord with the public.

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