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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Lindsay Lohan Avoids Temptation At Jewelry Store - Lilo emerged from the jewelry store to find two parking tickets on her luxury vehicle's windshield. Girlfriend, that's fate warning you to stay the hell away from jewelry stores.

School Board: High School Can't Be Known As 'The Cougars'! Name Too Racy - What would be wrong anyway with a high school named after women who are on the prowl for much younger men? Cougars (the human ones) deserve respect like any other minority.

Two Escapees Take Car For Test Drive, And Don't Come Back - Were the men wearing matching orange jumpsuits, and the salesmen thought they were just making a unique fashion statement?

Sarah Palin Calls Media 'Dumb Arses' Over Coverage Of Newt Gingrich's Open Marriage Issue - Gingrich panders to the family values crowd, and isn't exactly gay-friendly, he deserves to be condemned for his hypocrisy.

Sarah Palin Endorses Newt Gingrich (Sort Of) - Palin may wish for the GOP nomination process to go on for months, but most Americans are sick and tired of the Republican traveling circus/reality show.

Moron Fires Gun At Busy Bubbles Laundromat's Change Machine - Ever hear of a crowbar?

Etta James Dead At 73! May She Rest In Peace! - At last Etta is free from the trials and tribulations of this world. Rest in peace Etta!

Newt Gingrich On Fire, He Embodies Wrath Of White GOP Electorate - Gingrich ain't no choir boy, but the hypocritical religious conservatives overlook his many moral failings because they love his rage more than they love the baby Jesus.

Perry Quits, Santorum Wins Iowa, Romney Implodes, Gingrich's Ex-Wife Tells All - Rick Santorum wins Iowa, Rick Perry quits the race, Newt Gingrich's ex-wife explosive interview to be aired tonight. It's getting very interesting...

Ms. Magazine An Anachronism - Burning bras and magazines belong in the ash heap of history

Burger King Testing Home Delivery! Horrible Idea! - I'm going to have it my way, and that means having a pizza delivered from Domino's -- not home delivery from Burger King!

Bomb-Sniffing Pooch Who Used To Work At White House Goes Bonkers - I hope Arco's new owner will give him a wide berth, and never mentions Bo in his presence.

Woodstock's Mascot 'Bob The Turkey' Killed: Town In Mourning - Bob had the town residents at "gobble, gobble", I bet every Thanksgiving they will shed tears in his memory.

Iran To Send Obama 'Master Of Appeasement' Pink Toy Drones - Can anyone imagine Ronald Reagan, or even Jimmy Carter for that matter, meekly requesting Iran to return our drone?

Video: Is Tiny (30 Pounds) The Cutest Cat In The World? - Tiny is so big and lazy that just about he only way he can be motivated to walk is by using a laser point, maybe the same trick will work with Rosie O'Donnell.

World Gone Crazy! Lady Offers Sex For McDonald's Chicken McNuggets - Any woman who pulls a stunt like this is more likely to look like Rosie O'Donnell than Angelina Jolie.

Florida Strip Club Wants To Hire Casey Anthony! Killer Idea? - Body Talk would make a fortune selling Casey Anthony related merchandise; a T-shirt emblazoned with the words "I survived a lap dance with Casey Anthony" would be a big seller.

You Won't Believe This Lady's Rare Medical Condition - I commend Hazel (doesn`t sound like a name of a woman with such an exotic medical condition) for celebrating her difference, you go girl!

Donald Trump Should Run For President With Snooki As His Running Mate - Trump better stop attacking Obama for not being born in America, he might tick Snooki off, the tiny celeb was born in Chile.

Would Jesus Condemn Tim Tebow To Hell Not the NFL? - Tebow, we freakin' get it: You are a born again Christian. The next time you score a touchdown, silently thank Jesus, atheists and humble Christians will be eternally grateful.

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