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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Should Eating While Driving Be Banned? - Americans have been eating and driving ever since the heyday of the Model T. The typical mini-van has a hundred cup holders, because drivers and passengers enjoy stuffing their mouths when they are in a vehicle.

Beautiful Hot Mess Lindsay Lohan Booted From Community Service Program - I hope that at the Red Cross Lindsay will be given a time-out every 20 minutes so she can have a tantrum, tweet or tweak.

Prim And Proper Lady Gaga Believes In Courting - Young girls might have a chance at "not putting out too soon" if they don't listen to Lady Gaga's songs which encourage wanton promiscuity.

Lady Gaga Livid Over Lady Goo Goo's Single! Gee! Lady Goo Goo Is A Cartoon! - Lady Goo Goo's single includes the lyrics: My stroller's pretty and my diapers are silk, I throw my toys out if I don't get my milk.

Anita Perry: Rick Perry Brutalized By Media Because Of His Faith! Such Hyprocrisy! - Anita Perry has a hell of a lot of nerve, it's Mitt Romney who has been attacked by members of his own party because of his faith.

Is 'Moss Man' A Fan Of Halloween Or A Burglar? - The Judge needs to get into the Halloween spirit, and let Moss Man go free!

Michelle Obama Secretly Visits Target And Petco! - Now that everybody, including terrorists and crackpots with a grudge against the Obama administration, knows that Michelle Obama has a penchant to visit Target incognito, she would be a fool to do it again.

Iranian Plot To Kill Saudi Arabian Ambassador? I Have A Bridge To Sell You! - Our illegal occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan are morally and financially bankrupting our once great democracy. The last thing we need is to go to war against a nation that may already have nuclear weapons.

Mom, Dad & 3-Week Baby Lost In Corn Maze! Mom Calls 911! Dad Mortified! - A dude will admit that his manhood is tiny, before he confesses that he's lost.

Brave Chef Frees Young Bear From Trash Cage With Mom Bear Lurking Nearby - If you are an animal lover who lives in Estes Park, Colorado, you should patronize the Wild Basin Lodge & Event Center.

NH GOP Debate: Rick Perry Lifeless, Mitt Romney Cool, Herman Cain Hot, Newt Slimy - Unless Mitt Romney gets drunk and strips down to his Mormon underpants and does the Macarena, he has this thing wrapped up.

Outrage: Pizza Delivery Dude Calls Cops On Customer Smoking Weed - A lot of fine folks order pizza when they are smoking weed, you'd think this busybody was used to customers who enjoy the magical herb.

Lady 38 Weeks Pregnant Runs Marathon And Then Gives Birth - I wouldn't recommend that every woman who is nine months pregnant run a marathon, but pregnant ladies shouldn't vegetate on the sofa, getting up only to use the restroom or to fix themselves a peanut butter and cucumber sandwich.

Outrage! Performance Artist Marni Kotak To Give Birth On Stage - Marni's exploitation of the birth of her baby may finally earn her a Wikipedia entry, but she will always be a nutjob in my book.

The Tiger Woods Hot Dog Incident: How Much Humiliation Can Tiger Endure? - How the mighty have fallen, Tiger is reduced to playing a Fall Series golf tournament and the hazards on a golf course include bunkers and flying hot dogs.

Top Halloween Costume Ideas: Lady Gaga And Amy Winehouse - Amy Winehouse is the perfect Halloween costume idea for 2011, she's dead and on Halloween the dead haunt the living.

Pop Tart Lady Gaga Got Naked In Front Of Pop Crooner Tony Bennett - Lady Gaga is Queen of the Freaks, but she wasn't trying to seduce the 85-year-old legendary crooner.

Dude Orders Pizza & Beer From Bar On Same Street Where He Just Robbed Bank - The robber ain't gonna be seeing any well-endowed waitresses or enjoying beer where he's headed.

Pop Tart Lady Gaga: I Don't Want To Be A Mother Anytime Soon! - I don't know what's worse 10 more mediocre Lady Gaga albums or a Baby Gaga wearing purple silk diapers and her wispy hair dyed green.

Outrage! Dutch Government Restricts Sale Of 'Strong' Pot! - Seattle is famous for its strong coffee, New York City is renowned for its fabulous musicals on Broadway, San Francisco is infamous for its freaks, and Amsterdam is beloved for its strong weed.


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