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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Herman Cain, For God's Sake Quit! - Cain is like that last slice of leftover pizza in the fridge, it's been picked up and put back in the fridge by every member of the family.

Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Crashes Leonardo DiCaprio Party! Guests Horrified! - If the troubled pop tart crashed a party at a crack house, she would make the denizens uncomfortable. It's reached the point where Lohan would be persona non grata in hell.

Pop Tart Snooki Hawks 'Flirty' Perfume - The latest product to bear Snooki's name is a perfume titled Snooki by Nicole Polizzi. The fragrance is packaged in a gaudy bottle that would make a drag queen blush.

Video: Lady Gaga As Pointless As 'Visionaire' The World's Largest Magazine - Anybody with two brain cells to rub together would never buy a gigantic magazine, and he would never buy a Lady Gaga CD.

Amy Winehouse A Genius! Listen To 'Our Day Will Come' From Her New Album! - Listen to this reggae version of "Our Day Will come", originally recorded by Ruby and the Romantics, and you will be convinced that this isn't just an album of outtakes and rejected material.

Baba Suwe, Famous Nigerian Comic, Suspected Of Smuggling Cocaine In His Stomach - Babatunde Omidina, better known by his stage name Baba Suwe, was arrested at the Lagos Airport when an airport scanner discovered what appeared to be bags of cocaine in his stomach.

Andy Rooney, You Old Curmudgeon, We Will Miss You! - Andy Rooney didn't make much sense half of the time, but I always felt better after I listened to him vent. I'll take the likes of Rooney over a dozen blow-dried talking heads.

Justin Bieber: I Ain't No Baby Daddy - I wouldn't be surprised if Bieber's handlers paid Mariah to sleep with the pop star. If Justin hooks up with Mariah Carey, that would really boost his career!

Herman Cain's Wife, Gloria Cain, Isn't Standing By Her Man! - The fact that Cain's wife hasn't uttered a word in support of her husband speaks volumes.

Outrage! Pop Tart Lady Gaga To Host Thanksgiving Day Special On ABC - A Very Gaga Thanksgiving" is simply an abomination, the pop tart's history of stealing Madonna's music and persona is antithetical to the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Outrage: Armed Robbers Snatch 13-Year-Old Boy's Meatball Sandwich - Police found the uneaten sandwich in the suspect's vehicle. These dimwits will spend years behind bars over a stolen sandwich, which they didn't even get a chance to eat.

Moron Judge: Lindsay Lohan Can Pose For Playboy Before Starting Jail Term - The troubled starlet will probably spend only a few days behind bars due to overcrowding. Evil is rarely contained for long, she will soon be wreaking havoc on civilization again.

Herman Cain Scandal: Race, Gender Politics And Hypocrisy - If one of the victims makes a public appearance, and it turns out that she is white, Cain's presidential campaign will be over.

OMG! Lady In Labor Passes Driving Test! - I'm not too surprised Emma took the test in her condition, women are excellent at multitasking. Emma was probably dealing with contractions, taking the driving test and playing Farmville on her Smartphone.

Justin Bieber Breaks Lady Gaga's Record For Most Views On YouTube - I'm not surprised that 'The Bieber" has broken Lady Gaga's record, Bieber's tweens are more fanatical than Lady Gaga's monsters.

Justin Bieber A Baby Daddy? Woman Claims 'The Bieber' Is Dad of Her Baby! - Thousands want to know if the allegations against Herman Cain are true, but millions are dying to know if Justin Bieber is a Baby Daddy!

Video: Gentleman, 80, Falls into Sinkhole Outside His Home - The last thing a senior citizen wants is to walk outside his front door to pick up his newspaper, and fall into a sinkhole.

Two Teen Girls Go Joyriding In Shopping Cart, End Up Stuck, Call Cops! - Joyriding in a shopping cart? That's just wrong, really really wrong!

New Amy Winehouse CD 'Lioness:Hidden Treasures' To Be Released In December - Amy Winehouse released only two albums in her career, thank goodness we now have one more CD to treasure and enjoy.

Furball The Cat Spends 5 Terrifying Days In Tree Before Being Rescued - It must have been a nightmare for the family, knowing their kitty was scared, hungry and in danger of falling down.

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