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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Would You Patronize A Restaurant With Topless Waitresses? - If a topless server asked me if I wanted milk with my coffee, I would be reluctant to say yes. She might just serve me milk straight from the tap...

Fans Hate On Kelly Clarkson For Her Twitter Endorsement Of Ron Paul - Clarkson won't be embraced by her fans until she makes an abject apology and renounces her support of Ron Paul.

Spanish Nativity Scene Portrays Mary And Joseph As Jobless - If the Nativity took place in an abandoned tenement building in New York City, Mary and Joseph would be arrested as vagrants and squatters.

McDonald's Cheeseburger Looks The Same After One Year! Not Loving It! - After one year the McDonald's cheeseburger still smells slightly like a burger, in other words it still smells exactly as it did the day she bought it.

Asst. Principal Patrick Lott Arrested For Videotaping Young Boys In Shower - Child molesters will NEVER overcome their sick urges, predators like Lott and Sandusky should spend the rest of their lives behind bars.

Crazy Woman Calls 911 Because She Ate Too Much Food - I've seen pics of the 911 caller online, Mary Ellen Lisee, and homegirl needs to call Jenny Craig, not 911.

UK Police Chief Mad As Hell: Tired Of Getting Calls About UFO's, Zombies, And Vampires - Chief Constable Ian Arundale is frustrated and annoyed that his officers are forced to waste time and resources responding to calls about zombies, UFO's and vampires.

Bill Maher's Profane Tweet About Tim Tebow Gets Christians Steaming Mad - In a perfect world Tebow wouldn't tebow in public, and Bill Maher wouldn't go out of his way to infuriate Christians.

Charming Florida Couple Celebrates 70 Years of Marriage - What a wonderful and sweet story, I wish the McQuaigs nothing but happiness.

Riot At Saks Over Designer Shoes! Riots At Malls Over Nike Sneakers! Racism In US - People are people, it doesn't matter if they are urban youth or trendy fashionistas. Whenever a department store holds a limited-hour sale with very few items of a coveted product available-- chaos will ensue.

Angora Goat Runs Away From Nativity Scene - I hope the runaway goat will be found by a person who loves and respects animals.

The Case Of The Stolen Christmas Inflatable Penguin - If my readers are wondering why I`m writing about this non-event, it`s because oddball news items often reveal the pettiness of the human experience, and the meaningless of life.

An Intruder In His Undies, A Homeowner With A Shotgun, And A Tiki Torch - I would have been so offended at the spectacle of an intruder in his underwear threatening me with a Tiki torch, that I would have blown him away to Kingdom Come.

Video: Military Tows Flying Saucer On Flatbed Truck Down Highway 77 In Kansas - Rumors that the military had captured a UFO quickly spread in Cowley County, and residents nervously watched as the flatbed truck towing the flying saucer slowly made its way down US Highway 77.

70-Year-Old Fruitcake Sells For $525 - My first thought was "why would anyone buy a fruitcake that's not edible?", but then I laughed at my stupidity, a fruitcake isn't edible from the time that it's put on the shelf in a grocery store.

Get Your Christmas Freak On! Kiss Someone Under The Mistletoe - Merry Christmas to all my readers; find someone to kiss under the mistletoe!

Who Is The Most Hateful And Hated Celeb: Donald Trump Or Rosie O'Donnell? - Donald who has a hit reality show may inadvertently be doing O'Donnell a favor. Rosie needs all the publicity she can get, her talk show on Oprah Winfrey's network is one of the biggest bombs in history.

Fashion Island Mall Bans Salvation Army Bell Ringers From Ringing Bells - Santa Claus greets usually greets me with a merry "Ho, Ho, Ho," which for some reason reminds me of Mariah Carey singing "All I Want for Christmas is You."

Man Finds Loophole In Ban On Christmas Decorations, Dressed Up As Christmas Tree - Christmas decorations don't do anything for me, when I'm in a public place I don't want to see any yuletide garland, Christmas trees, or winos dressed up like Santa Claus.

Man Orders Beer, Robs Bank A Few Doors Away, Returns To Bar! - Did Whittle return to the bar to wait for the cops? Maybe this dude doesn't own a car or a house, and he simply wanted someplace warm (even a jail cell) to spend the holidays.


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