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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Dude Pulls Shotgun On Taco Bell Clerk Over Missing Hot Sauce - Police in Missouri said they arrested a man accused of threatening a Taco Bell employee with a shotgun because he did not receive hot sauce with his meal.

Michele Bachmann: Obama Should Block Ahmadinejad From Speaking At UN - Michele Bachmann called on Obama to block Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from speaking at the United Nations.

Rock Band Kiss To Be Featured In Archie Comics! Riverdale Will Never Be The Same! - Riverdale, where Archie lives, makes Mayberry seem like a hip and happening metropolis.

Season Debut Of 'Two And A Half Men" Garners Huge Ratings! Kutcher A Winner! - It's no surprise that the debut of Two and a Half Men with new star Ashton Kutcher garnered monster ratings, even casual fans of the hit show tuned in out of curiosity.

Outrage: PC Judges Raved About Chaz Bono's Awful Performance On DWTS! - Schwimmer was like a dervish on crack and Bono was like a lumbering Bear on Quaaludes. Bono stood there like a a concrete Buddha, occasionally flinging his arms as if he had just been administered an electrical shock.

Sightings Of UFOs Increase! Are We Under An Alien Invasion? - According to an organization that tracks UFO reports, this summer has been an especially busy period for UFO sightings.

If You Found Lindsay Lohan's Cell Phone, Would You Return It? - You don't have to be a rocket scientist or a psychic to know that Lohan's phone wasn't jam-packed with pics of cute kittens, beautiful sunsets and scenic country roads.

South Africa Rejects Chinese Condoms: Too Small! - A South African court has blocked the government from buying 11 million Chinese condoms, saying they are too small, a newspaper reported Friday.

Lady Proud Of Having California's Longest Tongue - A Los Angeles woman can claim the distinction of having California's longest tongue -- nearly 4 inches from tip to lip, the Guinness Book of World Records says.

Video: Foo Fighters Serenade Westboro Baptist Church With Ode To Same-Sex Love - Sex, drugs and Rock & Roll is as American as hamburger, fries and and apple pie -- the controversial church must be inspired by Satan to oppose such cherished American values.

'Gumby' Holds Up 7-Eleven: I Was Trying To Cheer People Up! Blockhead! - Jacob is a Blockhead of epic proportions, and he deserves no mercy from the criminal justice system.

Outrage: 'Jersey Shore' Gets Tax Rebate From New Jersey - A reality show featuring Satan, his mentally-deranged son Dr. Phil, and his promiscuous daughter Lindsay Lohan would be infinitely more edifying than "Jersey Shore."

Video: Crooner Tony Bennett And Pop Tart Lady Gaga Sing 'Lady Is A Tramp' - It's time for Lady Gaga to grow up, ditch her crazy wardrobe, tell her monsters to get a life, and stop impersonating Madonna.

Woman Dumps Cucumber Salad Over The Head Of One-Legged Old Man - If you hobble around on only one leg you shouldn't be subject to indignities like having a low-class woman dump a salad on your head.

OMG! Woman Has 20 Feet Of Nails On Each Hand! - A Las Vegas woman who has been growing her fingernails out for 18 years was certified as a Guinness World Record holder in New York.

Google Earth Street View Naked Lady Is A Squatter - A Google spokesperson said, "Sometimes we capture odd or unpleasant moments." No kidding, I have been psychologically scarred for life.

Did Sarah Palin Snort Coke, Cheat On Hubby, And Sleep With Glen Rice? - Most reasonably intelligent people are aware of Palin's scam: She periodically hints that she's running for president to keep her brand name alive.

Did Sarah Palin Sleep With Basketball Player Glen Rice In 1987? - There's nothing wrong with a single white woman sleeping with a single black, white or brown man; I'm all for people getting their freak on.

6.0 Earthquakes Hit Cuba, New Zealand And Japan - The recent East Coast earthquake shook me up to the reality that an earthquake can strike anywhere at any time.

Outrage: No Blacks Pictured In Time Magazine's 9/11 Commemorative - Hundreds of first responders on 9/11 were African Americans, and of the 343 firefighters killed on that fateful day a dozen were black.


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