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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Is It Sexist To Call Sarah Palin A Bimbo? - Somebody needs to declare that the empress isn't wearing any clothes, I'm willing to take the flack by stating the obvious: Palin is a bimbo.

Only Fools Believe Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates... - The line from a movie that best describes the life philosophy of Americans is from 'Forrest Gump,' a U.S. survey indicates.

Brave Fox Climbs To Top Of Europe's Tallest Skyscraper - A death-defying fox clambered up Britain's tallest skyscraper and lived the high life on the 72nd floor of the tower in central London for nearly two weeks.

Sen. Chuck Schumer A Statesman, Rep. Anthony Weiner A Clown - New York elected officials said they want to sell a controversial statue depicting a male 'civic virtue' stepping on female figures of 'vice' and 'corruption.'

Conservatives Finally Get It: Sarah Palin Is A Bimbo! - These conservatives are looking for a Sarah Palin with a brain. Newsflash: Michele Bachmann has neither beauty nor brains.

Employee Who Returned $3.2 Million Paycheck Will Be Rewarded - A spokesman for a British company said a worker who immediately notified bosses of his mistaken $3.2 million paycheck will be rewarded for his honesty.

The Horror! Lady Gaga To Be Godmother To Elton John's Baby! - ELTON John's partner David Furnish has let it slip that Lady Gaga will be godmother to their son Zachary.

Killjoy Cops Shut Down Pizza Joint Selling Pizza And Joints - In Toronto last week, police shuttered a downtown pizza restaurant after they found more than $1 million of marijuana and other drugs on site.

Gwyneth Paltrow Returns To Glee March 8: Gleeks Overjoyed - Gwyneth is the substitute teacher that makes every young boy weak in the knees, and the princess that every young man wants to marry.

Sarah Palin To Give Speech In India! Palin Will Embarrass America! - Sarah Palin is going to India next month to speak at the 10th annual India Today Conclave.

When Pigs Knuckles Fly! - If my car was hit by a frozen pig's knuckle when I was flying down the freeway, I would just chuck it up to the fact that life is basically absurd.

Miracle: Dolphins Save Pooch From Drowning - A Florida woman said her missing dog was found after a group of dolphins drew a neighbor's attention to the canine treading water.

Charlie Sheen's Unholy Rant Leads To Cancellation Of Two And A Half Men - Sheen's sit-com should be permanently canceled, and nobody else in Hollywood should hire him.

Old Dude Brandishing Giant Fork Impersonates A Police Officer - Police in Florida said a 69-year-old man was arrested after pointing a barbecue fork at motorists and claiming to be a police officer.

Excuses For Being Late To Work: Crazy Cat, Bad Karma, Killer Bees - A Chicago-based Web site said its survey found workers late for their jobs gave excuses including a car infested with bees and problems with karma.

Charlie Sheen's Unbelievable Cars For Porn Stars Extravaganza - Charlie Sheen spent $790,000 on cars in the past month, including two for his porn star friends.

OMG! Amy Winehouse Takes Up Ballet! - AMY WINEHOUSE is finally putting her smelly stack of ballet pumps to good use - by taking dance classes.

Dude With No Life And No Brain Tweets Entire New Testament - A member of an Illinois church said it took him eight months to publish the entire New Testament on Twitter.

Gnarly Dude Claims His Rocking Chair Has Image Of Jesus Christ - A California man said he was planning to throw away his wooden rocking chair until he noticed an image of Jesus Christ in the flaking paint and rotted wood.

Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Will Face Jail Time If She Accepts Plea Deal - A Los Angeles judge told troubled actress Lindsay Lohan that any plea deal in her jewelry theft case would include jail time.

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