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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

Under-attack Pope Francis Calls for 'Silence and Prayer'! Are You Freaking Kidding Me? - Prayers? Really? Are you freaking kidding me? With all due respect to His Holiness, the Pope can stuff his prayers up his ass. What the millions of victims of pedophile priests need are repentance, financial compensation and the prosecution of the reprobate priests, not thoughts and prayers.

George Bush Gives Michelle Obama Candy and Harmonic Convergence Breaks Out - A hooker can always be counted on to have a condom or two in her hoe bag, and a senior citizen will always have peppermint candy in her purse.

Does Mike Pence Resemble a Ken Doll or a Bobblehead Doll? - Mike Pence, with his precision-cut hairstyle, looks like a receptionist at a gay bathhouse. Pence probably prays to Jesus every night that He would make him as penis-less as Ken so he wouldn't be attracted to men.

Fatal Attraction in the Digital Age - A woman (Jacqueline Ades) is accused of breaking into a Paradise Valley home, bathing in the homeowner's bathtub, and sending tens of thousands of disturbing text messages to the man's phone after the pair went on one date.

Old Ladies Crazy About Old Cowboy Who Rides a Robotic Horse - But I have to tip my hat to the Crazy Cranford Cowboy, a crazy old coot who tools around town atop a robotic horse is a pimp in my book.

Outrage: Aretha Franklin's Outfit Changed Every Day for Public Viewing - Another day, another outfit change for late diva Aretha Franklin.

Racist Joe Arpaio's Hero is Racist Donald Trump! What a Surprise! - Joe Arpaio, the longtime county sheriff seeking a U.S. Senate seat in Arizona on Tuesday, said during a television interview it took him 75 years to find a hero in his life. That person: Donald Trump.

Donald Trump Vs a Speaker Phone: Video - Trump attempted to put Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto on speaker phone in front of a group of reporters assembled in the Oval Office. The goal, apparently, was to talk about a new trade agreement between the U.S. and Mexico, but the outcome was an unforgettable clip that will forever be etched in our brains.

Donald Trump Thinks the American Flag Has a Blue Stripe - Donald Trump has been photographed colouring in an American flag wrong.

All the President's Men Are Flipping on Donald Trump - Cohen knows where all the bodies are buried, Weisselberg knows where all the money is hidden, and Pecker has all the stories and tapes documenting Trump's numerous affairs locked in his safe. Trump is screwed.

Taking Your Kitty to the Vet? Calm Your Cat With a New Feline Radio Station! - Cat Calm Radio was launched to promote "National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day."

Bruno the Fat Cat Who Stands on His Hind Legs When He's Hungry Adopted - After worldwide interest Bruno the cat has a new home.

Hours After Manafort and Cohen Blows Trump Supporters Chant 'Lock Her Up' - These morons are enthralled by Trump and the scales will never fall from their eyes, at least not until they die and the Almighty casts these white evangelical fuc*ers to hell.

Madonna's Godawful Tribute to Aretha Franklin - Who was Madonnas tribute for, anyway?

Serena Williams Handles a Stupid and Racist Tennis Reporter With Style and Dignity - Even though sports isn't my forte I may write another essay about Williams, but I guarantee I won't ever mention Simons again.

In Trump's America Racists Feel Emboldened to Call Blacks the N-word - A white woman was hospitalized following an altercation where she called a group of people the N-word on the X2 Metrobus.

Remembering Aretha Franklin's Mini-Me Johanna Colon - Hundreds of singers from the divas that top the Billboard charts to cruise ship warblers have cited Aretha Franklin as their inspiration and motivation for becoming entertainers.

Respect the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin - The Queen of Soul has passed on to the other side, and she's now singing in the heavenly choir, but her music transcended generations and will continue to be enjoyed and appreciated for generations to come.

Top Ten List of Secret Service Code Names for Mike Pence - Pepe

If the Donald Trump 'N-Word' Tape is Released Will it Bring Down His Presidency? - White House Press Secretary is the Queen of Liars, she would proclaim that she's seen the presidential penis and can confirm that it's thicker, longer and stronger than a tactical flashlight, if requested to do so by her pathological liar boss.

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