|Video: Adorable Olate Dogs Win America's Got Talent - Some folks may complain that "America's Got Talent" has gone to the dogs, but in my humble opinion "The Olate Dogs" were clearly the top dog in the competition.|
|Zombie Gnaws On Woman's Head! Zombie Apocalypse Now? - When a dude parks his car in your neighborhood, gets out, and strips buck naked, you know you are in for a bad day.|
|Lindsay Lohan: A Symbol Of Self-Absorption, Vanity & Ignorance - The accumulation of material possessions isn't going to fill your hear with love, or your brain with wisdom. Lohan's pursuit of wealth will only lead to depression and disappointment.|
|Dude Assaults Victim With Dirty Drawers - Florida is the new California, everything weird happens in the Sunshine State.|
|Lady Pulls Gun On Man While They Are Having Sex In A Moving Car - A story that includes a bar, a prostitute, and a moving vehicle is destined not to end well for someone.|
|Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Goes Bonkers On Set Of 'Scary Movie 5' - The troubled starlet went bonkers when she realized the script was poking fun at her; did she think she was hired because she`s a gifted thespian?|
|Stop The Insanity! Suspect Uses Smartphone For Robbery Note - The bank robber probably has poor penmanship, and his handwritten note was hard to decipher. It was smart and considerate of him to use a smartphone for the 2nd bank robbery.|
|Video: William Shatner's One-Man Show Greatest Show In The Universe - I`m not a Trekker, but I would pay good money to hear the Renaissance man opine about any subject under the sun.|
|Jessica Simpson Dressed Her Baby In A Yellow Bikini! Boycott The Bimbo! - I always knew that Simpson was a lousy actress and a horrible singer, and now it turns out she is also a pathetic mother.|
|Honey Boo Boo Child: Perfect Celeb For The End Times - Honey Boo Boo is the perfect celeb for the End Times. I'm down with the Apocalypse; you go Honey Boo Boo Child!|
|RuPaul Wants To Record Duet With Reality Queen Honey Boo Boo Child! - I hereby publicly beseech Honey Boo Boo Child to write an article with me, her byline next to mine will guarantee millions of hits.|
|Stained Elvis Presley Underpants Fail To Sell At An Auction! Gross! - I have a pair of stained boxers that I wore when I saw Oprah Winfrey without makeup for the first time, any takers?|
|Dude Tries To Board Plane With Monkey Hidden In His Underwear - You can always expect a certain amount of monkey business at an airport, but this is ridiculous.
|Seal: Marriage Ended Because Heidi Klum 'Fornicated With The Help' - I give style points to Seal for his unique and eloquent words.
|Miley Cyrus Beats Up Dude At Hollywood Hotel At Ungodly Hour Of The Night - The alleged victim is the biggest wimp in the world; I bet Justin Beiber would kick sand in his face at the beach.
|Lindsay Lohan Wants To Collab With One Direction: She Will Ruin Their Lives! - After just one session in the studio with Lindsay Lohan, I wouldn`t be surprised if the One Direction boys tattooed their foreheads with "666" and started flashing Illuminati signs.
|Bold Thief Steals Gas 10 Times From Same Gas Station - The thief offered to pay the gas station manager for the gas in installments, if he didn't press charges.|
|Intruder Brandishing Scissors Arrested At Miley Cyrus' Home - The nutcase should be punished by being forced to listen to Billy Ray Cyrus' wretched song "Achy Breaky Heart" nonstop.
|Pet Monkey Who Lived On Frosted Flakes Bites Woman - The monkey lived on a diet of Frosted Flakes and juice, you don't have to be Jack Hanna to know that's not an appporpriate diet for a monkey.|
|The Failed Presidency Of Barack Obama: An American Tragedy - Obama won`t be just a footnote in history; the fact that he was the first black president saves him from that fate.|