 | ShamWow Dude Beats The Hell Out Of Hooker - The ShamWow Dude was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a pro*titute in his South Beach hotel room. |
 | Malawi Grandma: Madonna Wants To Steal My Grandbaby - THE granny of the Malawi girl MADONNA wants to adopt has vowed to stop the singer from 'stealing' her. |
 | Middle School Bans Touching - "A Connecticut middle school principal has laid down the law: You put your hands on someone -- anyone -- in any way, you're going to pay."
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 | US Marshal Executed In Mexico - A US marshal accused of stealing government property has been shot dead execution-style in the lawless Mexican border town of Juarez |
 | Obama: I'm Sending You To Die In Afghanistan - To attain cred as a military leader Obama is dispatching our young men and women to death and dismemberment in Afghanistan. |
 | Pilot Prays Instead Of Taking Emergency Measures: 16 People Die - A Tunisian pilot who prayed instead of taking emergency measures before crash-landing, killing 16 people, has been sentenced to 10 years in jail by an Italian court. |
 | First Braille Coin Goes On Sale Today - The U.S. Mint will begin accepting orders Thursday for the first coin to feature readable Braille. |
 | Lindsay Lohan's Latest Humiliation - "Lindsay Lohan got some reel bad news this week: Her new movie, Labor Pains, is headed straight to cable." |
 | The Lady Godiva Of The Tax Day Tea Party - Suzanna Logan (writer, speaker, activist) to appear nude at a Tax Day Tea Party. God Bless America! |
 | Would You Buy A 4-Pound $20 Burger At The Ballpark? - The 4-pound, $20 burger features 5 beef patties, 5 slices of cheese, a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun |
 | Barney Frank Calls Justice Scalia A Homophobe - Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank called Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia a 'homophobe' |
 | Lindsay Lohan Is Tired Of Being Object Of Ridicule - Lindsay Lohan is sick of being tabloid fodder. LiLo is incensed by rumors that she and lovemuffin Samantha Ronson fight. |
 | Would You Divorce Your Hubby If He Saw A Prostitute? - "Soon wives could receive letters from the Escambia County Sheriff's Department letting them know when their husbands are arrested for soliciting prostitutes." |
 | Cops Looking For Woman Who Stole Breasts - An Orange County, Calif. woman is accused of stealing a pair of new breasts and then going on the lam. |
 | Legalize Prostitution And Make America Stronger - Prostitution will never be wiped out, all governmental efforts to get rid of it are doomed to fail. |
 | Cops Accuse Two-Year-Old Tot Of Anti-Social Behavior - A boy aged two has become the youngest Briton ever to be threatened with an Asbo (Anti-Social Behavior) |
 | Madonna And Jesus Romance Over - Madonna may have broken up with Jesus Luz. The romance of our century - Madonna and Jesus - may have finally run it's course. |
 | Outrage: Fed Agency Buys Condoms From China - "In a move expected to cost 300 American jobs, the government is switching to cheaper off-shore condoms, including some made in China." |
 | Not Abiding By Bowling Etiquette Can Be Dangerous - Police said a dispute over bowling etiquette led one man to assault another with a 16-pound ball, knocking out one of the man's teeth |
 | Is Blue Banana Shaped UFO A Threat To Humankind? - Lady sees a blue banana-shaped UFO with dangling human-like arms and legs. |
