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Will Says...


Robert Paul Reyes

Blind Dude With One Arm And One Leg Bags Deer - "Columbia -- Dennis Thompson finally bagged a buck. This feat is all the more amazing because Thompson is missing his right leg

Get Ready To Own A Robot For Only $299 - Do you suspect your significant other of cheating on you? Did your dog poop on your Persian rug again? Get rid of your unfaithful lover, ditch your incontinent dog and get a robot.

AgBot: The Robot That Tends Your Lawn And Guards Your House - I can hire a gardener, or I can give up and let my lawn and garden be the laughingstock of my neighborhood.

Christmas Ornaments Made From Reindeer Dung - The typical gift shop at a zoo will sell stuffed tigers and other crap, but the Miller Park Zoo`s gift shop really does sell crap.

Get Ready For Robot Thespians - Wakamura`s robot actors look like machines, little attempt was made to make them resemble humans. When robot thespians bear a resemblance to Angelina

Crowd Boos Paris Hilton, She Breaks Down In Tears - Paris Hilton has survived many humiliating incidents in her young life. Paris is only 27 but already she`s suffered the embarrassment of having her sex tape

Swamp Gas Or UFO: Watch Video Make Up Your Own Mind - Most sightings of UFO`s are reported by hillbillies after they`ve had too much moonshine. Upon investigation there`s usually a

Holiday Miracle: Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut - "[The] Spawn of Satan convention in Boston [was attended by] corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute,

Fool Breaks Into Preschool And Steals Frozen Dinners - "A man was accused of breaking into a Dayton preschool and making off with the teachers` frozen lunch entrees. Police said an officer who responded to a

The Devil's Toy: Lindsay Lohan Doll - I google "Lindsay Lohan" periodically (OK every damn day) to get ideas for articles. I was astounded to discover that respected toy company Mattel has a

Shoplifters' Mug Shots To Be Flashed On Mall Electronic Billboards - Shoplifters don`t just affect the bottom line of store owners, shoplifting is such a pervasive problem that the only way that merchants can recoup

Deluxe Public Toilets Feature TV's And Tuxedo-clad Attendants - I wouldn`t use most public restrooms unless I had a mask and latex gloves. When I have no choice but to patronize a public toilet,

Get Ready For Robot Soldiers - "In the heat of battle, their minds clouded by fear, anger or vengefulness, even the best-trained soldiers can act in ways that violate the Geneva Conventions or

Carjacker Gets Clobbered With Frozen Turkey - A frozen turkey is a formidable weapon, and according to the AP article the carjacker suffered serious head injuries.

Prince Speaks Out Against Gay Marriage - Who uttered this crazy quotation in response to a question about gay marriage and Proposition 8?

Disturb The Peace And You Will Be Forced To Listen To Barry Manilow - You`re stopped at a red light and the joker next to you is blaring hip hop - the thumping bass giving birth to a migraine. As you wait for the light to change you

Some Parents Want Playground Monitor Fired: She's An Ex Porn Star - Tuck`s employment history as a porn star has nothing to do with her qualifications to be playground monitor.

Scientology's Celebrity Centre Protected By Armed Guards - "A security guard at the Church of Scientology`s Celebrity Centre in Hollywood on Sunday shot and killed a man wielding two samurai swords, police said.

Lindsay Lohan Hitting The Bottle Again - "Lohan was caught on surveillance footage last week sneaking Gray Goose Vodka into a glass, and mixing it with Red Bull. After a short stint in jail and a

Nude Pics In Cell Phone Lost At McDonald's Get Posted Online - "What does a promise to secure a phone for its owner mean? The American public may find out when Philip and Tina Sherman`s lawsuit goes before a jury.


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