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Contributor

Robert Paul Reyes

The Case of the Horny Old Man, Beautiful Masseuse & the Missing Rolex Watch - A legitimate massage doesn`t cost $300, the old man may have been a bit senile but he knew he was dealing with a prostitute. The horny old bastard didn`t deserve to get his watch back.

Justin Bieber Booed in Canada: Video - Admitting you`re a belieber, must be as hard as confessing you`re a bed-wetter.

Lorde Shares Un-Retouched Acne Photo on Twitter: Video - Lorde may be a worldwide pop sensation, but she`s still a teen, and teens get acne. Props to the Kiwi singing sensation for sharing photographs of herself on social media that hadn`t edited away her acne.

Town in Germany Builds Landing Pad for UFOs! Roswell: Get with the Program! - Roswell needs to get with the program, and become the first city in the United States to build a landing pad for flying saucers. Roswell could invite the crack-smoking mayor of Toronto, and the cracked-in-the-head Vice President Joe Biden to participate in the opening festivities.

Pepsi Max Pranks Brits into Thinking UFOs Attacking London! Bloody Brilliant! Video! - Pepsi Max set up an augmented reality billboard at a London bus top. Passengers were fooled thinking they were seeing unbelievable things happen through the screen. Mutant tentacles would snatch pedestrians, and giant robots or UFOs would attack the city.

Dude Cares for Baby Porcupine after Mom Becomes Roadkill: Video - A Maine man who was looking for a mineral found something even more valuable when he cut open the stomach of a dead porcupine on the side of the road in Minot.

Dude Wins $650K in Lottery Day After Wife Dies from Heart Attack: Video - McDaniel`s is one lucky dude, he wins a small fortune and there`s no wife to nag him to spend his money wisely and cautiously.

British Bloke Pretends to be Mayor, Bamboozles Burg! - A man fooled a town in England into think he was their mayor by setting up a fake Twitter account.

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370: Orange Object Turns Out to be Dead Jellyfish - If we can land a man on the moon, and if an NSA satellite orbiting the Earth can read a license plate, why can`t we find out what happened to the plane?

UFO Mothership That Looks Like Giant Jellyfish Spotted Hovering Over Hong Kong! Video! - Did Waring really see a UFO that looks like a jellyfish in Hong Kong? I don`t know, but just to play it safe, I ain`t planning on vacationing in Hong Kong anytime soon.

Instant Karma: Redneck Driver Flips Bird, Crashes Seconds Later! Beautiful! Video! - This video is as close as perfection gets this side of heaven. A perfect ending would have entailed the truck catching on fire, the redneck burnt to a crisp, and the female driver stopping to roast a wiener by the flames of the crash.

McDonald's Offering $12 Burger in Switzerland - For $12 the special sauce`s prime ingredient should be caviar, and the burger should be served on a silver platter.

Dave in Charge, White Rapper Straight Outta Da UK, Changing the Rap Paradigm! Video! - Dave`s songs are radio-friendly; hell they`re grandma-friendly. Homeboy`s lyrics have a seal of approval from 50 Cent and Good Housekeeping.

Nancy Grace Obsessed With Porn! Video - Someone needs to tell Nancy Grace that the Blade Runner isn`t on trial to determine if he is a porn addict. The court is trying to decide if Pistorius killed his girlfriend in cold blood.

Hot Chick Named Crispi Tries to Set Ex-Boyfriend's House on Fire With Pound of Bacon! - Cameo Crispi: I love alliteration, bacon and hot crazy women. If I could teach Crispi to respect bacon, I wouldn`t mind spending the rest of my life with her.

Twit Cameron Diaz Defends Bimbo Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Conscious Uncoupling' Statement - Gloria Steinem, is this the feminist future you envisioned?

Joan Rivers Slams Lena Dunham for Being too Fat! - Rivers has spent a small fortune on cosmetic surgery trying vainly to reverse the ageing process, and Dunham doesn`t give a sh** what she looks like.

Oprah Winfrey's Self-Empowerment Tour a Travesty! Video! - Oprah`s self-aggrandizing tour will appeal mainly to white suburban women who salivate at the prospect of hearing pearls of wisdom from their Black Mammy.

Outrage: Christian School Complains Girl, 8, Isn't Feminine Enough! Video! - I guess Becky Bowman, the elementary school`s principal, wouldn`t be satisfied unless Sunnie had a pink bow on her hair, a Hello Kitty shirt, and girly shoes.

Jimmy Carter Reported Seeing a UFO in 1969, But... - I don`t think Jimmy Carter is a more credible witness than a bored suburban housewife or a drunk-as-a-skunk hillbilly.

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