 | Outrage: Old Lady Kills 14,000 Slugs In Her Garden - Hikka really needs to find a new hobby, hasn't she heard of knitting or Bingo? |
 | Teen Eats Magic Mushrooms And Shoots Himself - Kids stay away from hallucinogenic mushrooms, herb lovers might reach for a bong or a bag of Doritos but they will never reach for a gun and harm themselves or anybody else. |
 | Is Swedish Sausage Ad Too Sexy? You Be The Judge - I don't know who are more insufferable, hardcore feminists or religious fundamentalists. |
 | Scantily-Clad Lady Gaga Terrifies Travelers At LAX Airport - In a perfect world a terrorist would have gone zombie on Lady Gaga, and even the TSA goons would have applauded. |
 | Paris Hilton Pays Technician To Move Decks While She Pretends To DJ - Hilton you have really crossed the line this time, you'd better avoid Ronson like the plague, she will go zombie on you. |
 | Dude Wants To Build Zombie Theme Park In Detroit! Perfect Setting For The Undead - The zombie apocalypse is already here in Detroit, might as well make a buck from the undead. |
 | Dude Barricades Self In Hotel Room! Demands Pizza And To Marry Paris Hilton - I can`t imagine what a living hell it would be to be married to a pop diva celeb bimbo like Paris Hilton.
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 | Suspect's Mommy Foils Robbery: She Grabs Toy Gun From Son's Hand - By coincidence the suspect`s mother entered the store to do some shopping, and she grabbed the toy gun from her son`s hand, and pushed the idiot out of the store.
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 | Lucky The Kitten Dumped In Recycling Bin, Almost Crushed To Death By Recycling Truck - There are millions of cute cats and precious puppies who need a loving home, visit your local animal shelter and take one home with you.
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 | Stop The Insanity! Lady Hits Cheating Hubby Upside Head With Bag Of Ice Cream - This is simply an outrage; I can`t believe any store would sell ice cream in a bag. |
 | Surviving The Derecho Windstorm & Power Outage Of 2012 - To my friends and faithful readers: I am bored to death without Internet access, miserable that I am unable to express myself in the published word. But I am grateful that my power has been restored, and that my house didn`t suffer any damage.
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 | Did Cher Cross The Line With Her Anti-Romney 'Magic Underwear' Tweet? - I wish more celebs and regular folks would criticize organized religion, it might open a few eyes.
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 | Dude Steals Gold & Diamonds To Make A Dental Grill - There has never been a man who wore a grill who wasn`t an idiot, and if an intelligent man put on a grill he would look like a moron.
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 | Outrage: Cops Arrest Houston Lady For Warning Motorists Of Speed Trap - Plummer is green-friendly, conscientious, and extremely hot to boot -- Houston needs more solid citizens like her.
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 | Snoop Dogg A National Treasure! Da Dogg Is A Goodwill Ambassador For America! - Snoop is a member of the Holy Trinity that I admire: Snoop, Mr. T, and Jerry Springer.
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 | Is Snooki Responsible For Rash Of Orange UFO Sightings? - Once you`ve seen the pint-sized reality star her image is indelibly stamped in your mind. Snooki is in the skies laughing at the peons who treat her like a heavenly queen.
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 | Supreme Court: Obamacare Stands! Obama Will Win Reelection! - This Supreme Court decision will be spun a 100 ways by politicians, pundits and legal experts, but bottom line this is a huge victory for President Barack Obama, and it almost guarantees that he will be reelected. A win is a win is a win, and a loss is a loss is a loss.
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 | Poll: Obama Better Suited Than Romney To Handle Invaders From Outer Space - Anyway who better to deal with aliens than illegal alien Obama? Just kidding, we all know Obama wasn`t born in Kenya or Indonesia.
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 | Pop Tart Lindsay Lohan Puts A Gun To Her Head In Photo Shoot - Lindsay Lohan put a gun to her head for a photo shoot for photographer Terry Richardson.
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 | Hero Pooch Saves Toddler From Drowning In Swimming Pool - This incident confirms my belief that dogs have more sense than the average person. |
