 | Video: Military Tows Flying Saucer On Flatbed Truck Down Highway 77 In Kansas - Rumors that the military had captured a UFO quickly spread in Cowley County, and residents nervously watched as the flatbed truck towing the flying saucer slowly made its way down US Highway 77.
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 | 70-Year-Old Fruitcake Sells For $525 - My first thought was "why would anyone buy a fruitcake that's not edible?", but then I laughed at my stupidity, a fruitcake isn't edible from the time that it's put on the shelf in a grocery store.
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 | Get Your Christmas Freak On! Kiss Someone Under The Mistletoe - Merry Christmas to all my readers; find someone to kiss under the mistletoe!
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 | Who Is The Most Hateful And Hated Celeb: Donald Trump Or Rosie O'Donnell? - Donald who has a hit reality show may inadvertently be doing O'Donnell a favor. Rosie needs all the publicity she can get, her talk show on Oprah Winfrey's network is one of the biggest bombs in history.
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 | Fashion Island Mall Bans Salvation Army Bell Ringers From Ringing Bells - Santa Claus greets usually greets me with a merry "Ho, Ho, Ho," which for some reason reminds me of Mariah Carey singing "All I Want for Christmas is You."
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 | Man Finds Loophole In Ban On Christmas Decorations, Dressed Up As Christmas Tree - Christmas decorations don't do anything for me, when I'm in a public place I don't want to see any yuletide garland, Christmas trees, or winos dressed up like Santa Claus. |
 | Man Orders Beer, Robs Bank A Few Doors Away, Returns To Bar! - Did Whittle return to the bar to wait for the cops? Maybe this dude doesn't own a car or a house, and he simply wanted someplace warm (even a jail cell) to spend the holidays.
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 | Sarah Palin Hates On Bo, The First Dog - Sarah Palin must be desperate for attention, if she can't think of anything more important to complain about than the White House Christmas card.
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 | Outrage: TSA Goon Confiscates Passenger's Jar Of Jam - I can imagine a team of terrorists attacking an American airport spraying innocent passengers with oil and vinegar, and tossing cranberry sauce grenades.
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 | Outrage: TSA Confiscates Cupcake, Gel-Like Frosting A Security Risk! - I wouldn't be surprised if a hungry TSA agent went home that day with a "gel-like substance" on his lips. |
 | Dude Wins Lamborghini And Crashes It Six Hours Later - A "Joe Schmo" doesn't have the money to maintain a luxury car, Dopp should never have got behind the wheel. Any person with a modicum of commonsense would have immediately sold the $300,00 vehicle.
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 | Outrage: Girls Scouts Allow 'Transgender' Boy, 7, To Join Girl Scouts Troop - The boy's mother, Felicia Archuleta, is trying to score political points at the expense of her son's psychological well being. |
 | Outrage: Rep. Sensenbrenner Mocks Michelle Obama's Huge Butt! - Michelle Obama depending on your perspective is either blessed or cursed with a huge butt, you can easily place a table for four on her rear end.
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 | Annie Lennox Disses Lady Gaga, Praises Adele - Adele's songs are thoughtful and nuanced; Gaga's ditties are as nuanced as a loud fart in a worship service. |
 | Jon Bon Jovi Dead? Twitter Rumor Refuses To Die! - Holding up a sign reading "Heaven looks like New Jersey" isn't the best way to dispel the rumor that Bon Jovi isn't dead, folks will naturally conclude that he is dead and in hell.
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 | Looney Lady Loads Lots Of Presents In Wrong Car - Gipson should don a Santa's hat or a dunce's cap, and spend the rest of the holiday season trying to kick herself in the rear end.
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 | Santa Claus Is A Fraud! Viva Pancho Claus! Feliz Navidad! Merry Christmas! - I like Richard Reyes' version of Pancho Claus, and not just because he has the same surname as yours truly. Reyes' version wears a bright red zoot suit, and he travels with a fleet of lowrider cars.
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 | Hugh Hefner Tells Whopper: Lindsay Lohan Issue Of Playboy Big Hit! Yeah, Right! - We have already seen dozens of pics of Lohan's goodies online, why the hell would we buy a magazine featuring Lohan in very demure poses?
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 | Rep. Barney Frank Wears Skin-Tight Shirt! C-SPAN Viewers Traumatized! - I hope that the hundred or so folks watching Frank on C-SPAN will receive psychological therapy at taxpayers expense. |
 | Woman: My Date Ditched Me By Stealing My Car! - The woman called the guy when he failed to return after a few minutes, and he told her "I stole your car" and hung up. |
