November 4th, 2009 09:50 EST
The Only Keno System You'll Never Need
You`ve just gotta love keno, a plodding gambling game, one you can keep playing while you eat or can enjoy at a keno area, usually some side area of a casino where a few barely alive players occupy a row of chairs (as if proximity would have some benefit) while some equally bored-looking sort in a sad tuxedo watches over the keno balls. You can, if you are into multi-tasking, even play keno while doing some other kind of gambling (I have played keno and roulette at the same time) and thereby lose your money twice as fast.
Or you can follow my fool-proof theory. It`s simple, it`s clear, and you are guaranteed to win some of the time (if you were guaranteed to win all the time a)I would be gambling now and not wasting time writing for the SOP, and b)not be telling you about my theory). Still, you will win more often than not, or sometimes the other way around.
Rule 1-Set a maximum winning and losing range-This is not really part of the keno theory but it is essential for all gambling. What is the maximum you can afford to lose? At what point will you be satisifed with your wins? Determine these two points (conservatively, I advise) and keep them strictly. If you pass either line, you must stop immediately. If you can`t do that, you have no business gambling.
Rule 2- Watch ten games (or more)- Get a keno card, find a comfortable seat, and start watching. Mark off all the numbers that come up for ten games or more, the more games the better. During this time, do not gamble, just watch.
Rule 3-Bet $1 on one number- After the ten or so games, bet one dollar on one of the numbers that has not come up for ten games or more. Some people will be quick to point out that keno balls have no memories; that is to say, not having come up for more than ten games makes them no more likely to come up than before. This is true, logically, but if you were logical, you wouldn`t be gambling in the first place so ignore that and try my approach. By the way, if you are inclined to bet on more than one number, in order to have a chance at a bigger prize, you are a bigger sucker than you seem to be just for reading my article. As I learned on the Circus Circus mezzanine, the bigger prize, the more sure you can be that you will not be getting it.
Rule 4-If you win, go back to rule 3 and pick another number. You will already be $2 ahead. (By the way, while gambling, keep crossing out numbers that come up)
Rule 5-If you lose, bet $2 on the same number- After all, it has to come up sooner or later (I hope somebody informed the keno ball of this!)
Rule 6-Each time you lose, double the bet-If you`re a true gambler (a.k.a. sap), you`ll start enjoying losing. After all, the more you lose, the more you`ll win when you finally win. Look at this way:
Bet $1- Win- $3 back- Plus $2
Bet $1-Lose+$2-Win-$6 back-Plus $3
Bet $1-$2-Lose+$4-Win-$12 back-Plus $5
Bet $1+$2+$4-Lose+$8-Win- $24 back-Plus $9
And so on.
Keep going until you win or reach the maximum loss line. You can start a new number at any time, but keep track of the wins and losses clearly.
You might look at this and feel that the risk is high and the rewards are not all that great. That, my dear friends, is gambling for you. Still, one plus of this system is you spend a lot of time before actually gambling. Generally, the sooner you get to gambling, the sooner you get to losing. If you are going to give your money to the casino anyway, at least, take your time!