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Published:September 28th, 2010 19:58 EST
eddie long

Top Ten New Job Possibilities For Bishop Eddie Long

By Robert Paul Reyes

SPOKESPERSON FOR BOSLEY HAIR REPLACEMENT COMPANY

If Eddie Long appears in a Bosley commercial as a example of how ridiculous a man looks wearing a toupee, millions of bald men will burn their wigs and make an appointment with Bosley.

eddie long

PIMP

With his flashy wardrobe, pimped out rides, and Jheri Curl toupee, homeboy already looks like a pimp.

WRESTLER

Eddie Long has an over-the-top persona that is ideal for the campy world of wrestling. But Long would be well-advised to superglue his wig to his bald pate, his opponents in the ring wouldn`t hesitate to pull off his wig and spit on it.

FREAK IN A SIDESHOW

The preacher would appeal to little kids and to gay gentlemen. Children would love to snatch his rug, and gays would be attracted by his skintight muscle shirts.

CRASH TEST DUMMY

Nobody would care if his wig went flying out the window in a staged crash.

GREETER AT WAL-MART

At 57, Long is just a couple of years short of the age of the typical Wal-Mart greeter. But a security guard should keep an eye on the preacher, make sure he doesn`t spend all his time greeting the little boys.

SPEED BUMP

The steroids-enhanced minister would be tough enough to make even a Mack truck slow down.

INFOMERICAL PITCHMAN

Who wouldn`t buy a weed whacker that doubles as a mustache trimmer from a gentleman with such an expensive toupee sitting on top of his head?

JANITOR

If Long runs out of rags or brushes he can always use his wig to wipe the toilet bowl.

GIGOLO

Long could charge Johns $20 bucks for the privilege of petting his toupee.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes