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Published:October 3rd, 2010 09:30 EST
eddie long

Eddie Long's Top Ten Excuses Why He Turned Into A Perv Who Molests Boys

By Robert Paul Reyes

*I must have flipped my wig.

*The devil made me do it.

*I was normal until I started switching between Sesame Street and an infomercial of Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies, now I`m a pervert.

eddie long

*I have the disease of sexual addiction; I`m a victim not a criminal.

*I`m a televangelist with a penchant for dressing like a pimp, what do you expect?

*My toupee whispered into my ear that if I didn`t molest young boys that it would fly off my bald pate while preaching to my congregation.

* Molesting young boys was the next to last item left on my bucket list, the only thing left is to do is a news conference while wearing only purple slippers and a pink Lady Gaga type wig.

*I have a split personality, wait that`s not going to work. Both of my personalities are sick and twisted.

*I didn`t do it, it was my dang toupee. That Jheri curl demonic being has a mind of its own.

*I`m a televangelist; I can get away with anything.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes