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Published:November 19th, 2010 14:33 EST
Full Body X-Ray Machine That X-Rays The Whole Body Starts Today in Theaters Near You!

Full Body X-Ray Machine That X-Rays The Whole Body Starts Today in Theaters Near You!

By Will Roberts

Now all I know is what I see with my own two eyes!

The headlines today: New Airport Security Measures, a full body x-ray machine that x-rays the whole body starts today in theaters near you! Technology that creates revealing images of peoples` bodies to find hidden weapons. Man, I have always said that I would never get my comedy from below the belt so I will leave that headline alone.

It is called a viral strip search machine.

It sounds like something you would find in a Las Vegas Strip club, put a dollar in... Never mind. But if I see them in a Vegas club after my comments come out, I want a royalty!

So, do you folks remember the old glasses we bought as a kid that allowed us to see through folk`s clothes? X-ray specs. Well, this is the same thing, but at a bit of a different price tag, about $200,000 a machine.

Anyhow, seems this thing would be able to get a glimpse of you in less than you want to see yourself in, in a matter of seconds; revealing any and all the suspicious items.

Now, this thing has the ability to see everything so they, upon request, will be blurring out certain areas. How they could do that one consistently, I do not know. My suggestion is to follow someone your own height OR they might be blurring your eyes and your knees ladies.

Now, I suspect you pass if you walk through and they wink at you or fail if they laugh. This may just be the thing that stops air travel. Air travel by itself can be humbling to even the most veteran flyer, with a lost suitcase or a late flight. A full body cavity search may be the straw that breaks the camel`s back. Now it`s called "the backscatter", but it is the front we are worried about.

Word has it that IF you don`t want to have this done to you, you have a choice; you can have the customary pat down search. This has changed drastically in the past month. I have been told they are now allowed to use the front of the hand. This to me is definitely crossing the line, the panty line! This is more like taking a course of "Anatomy by Braille" With this much technology and security, Houdini would have not been the escape artist he was.

I have a plan: show up in your birthday suit, that way it will save time in the lines, you know, taking everything off, boots and shoes and after that you get through the gate. Well, they give you an outfit that looks like outfits that we make our kids wear to schools these days, a uniform. You know, separate the good gang members from the bad gang members.

Or better yet, how about we team up with the medical world; you know, airports and medical world, and offer a package - X-ray for hazardous or precious materials. Oh, by the way, they also have a foot version at about the same price. And after all, folks that don`t want to take off their shoes it will cost you about $100 dollars a year for this service and you have to have a background check. Of course, why not, they have checked everything else, might as well check your background. Why don`t they just start with that?

I do have a few suggestions for you folks traveling this holiday season; spend the money on a few pairs of clean socks and throw in a few pairs of underwear in case you have to go to the hospital. Make sure you take all your money out of your pockets. Of course, if you going back home from Las Vegas, don`t worry, you probably don`t have any change left.
Your friend,
Will Roberts
Folks, please try to leave a comment, good or bad, at least were talking, and that is what missing in our world today!  - Will
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