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Published:December 4th, 2010 00:50 EST
gay preacher

Top Ten Ways Gay Bishop Eddie Long Can Improve His Tarnished Image

By Robert Paul Reyes

DONATE ALL HIS SPANDEX SHORTS AND MUSCLE SHIRTS TO THE SAN FRANCISCO GOODWILL STORE.

eddie long gay preacherBURN HIS WIG

Almost everyone who writes about the Eddie Long scandal makes reference to his ridiculous Jheri Curl wig. The greasy thing probably has more Twitter followers than its owner. The disgraced minister should burn his wig so that he will never be tempted to wear it again. Long should be careful when he burns that oily hairpiece, it could engulf the Bishop with flames, and give him a taste of the fate that waits for him in hell.

SELL HIS MANSION AND MOVE INTO A MODEST HOME

MARRY RICHARD SIMMONS

Long should embrace his gay identity, stop living a lie, divorce his wife and marry Richard Simmons. 

MAKE A GUEST APPEARANCE ON GAY-FRIENDLY GLEE

For the Glee disco episode, Long should dress in drag like Gloria Gaynor and sing "I Will Survive."

DONATE HIS PIMP WARDROBE TO WOLF BLITZER

The CNN anchor is the most boring talking head on TV, he needs to kick it up a notch or two. 

GIVE HIS MONEY TO THE POOR

DO SOMETHING USEFUL WITH HIS CHURCH BUILDING

Turn into something more useful like an adult book store. 

RESIGN FROM THE MINISTRY

BURN HIS FAVORITE BOOK "THE ART OF PIMPOLOGY"

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes