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Published:December 24th, 2010 14:09 EST

Bartender From Hell Frames Santa Claus For Armed Robbery

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Police in Rhode Island say a report that an armed man dressed as Santa, complete with white beard, robbed an East Providence bar last Sunday was nothing but a hoax.


Now the bartender at the East Providence Yacht Club who made the 911 call is facing charges.

Christal Johnson was released on personal recognizance after turning herself into police on Thursday to answer to a charge of making a false police report. The 37-year-old Johnston woman hid her face and refused to comment as she left the station.

Police say $1,500 to $3,000 is still missing from the bar and the investigation is continuing.

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Our nation can survive a parade of televangelists like the gay Bishop Eddie Long and the Rev. Pat Robertson being exposed as charlatans, and we will survive the revelation that some of our favorite presidents were less than perfect, but Western Civilization will be destroyed if Santa Claus turns out to be an armed robber.

Our innocent children can breath a sigh of relief, Santa doesn`t take things that aren`t his by force, he freely gives away the toys that his elves created in his sweatshop in the North Pole.

Christal Johnson is most likely responsible for the missing $3.000, she`s an idiot for blaming Santa, and thereby ensuring that this case would receive lots of attention by the press and the police.

Merry Christmas to Santa and everybody else, except for Christal Johnson.

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