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Published:January 7th, 2011 12:26 EST

Dead Fish, Dead Birds, Dead Crabs: Biblical or Ecological Apocalypse?

By Robert Paul Reyes

Snooki writes a novel, thousands of birds rain down on the small town of Beebe Arkansas, 100,000 fish found dead in the Arkansas River, Sarah Palin is considered a legitimate presidential candidate, a highway in Louisiana littered with dead birds, Obama refuses to release his birth certificate, two million dead fish appear in Chesapeake Bay, dead crabs wash ashore by the thousands on England beaches, cougars reign supreme on reality TV...


There is something rotten not just in Denmark, but the entire planet seems to be diseased and dying. Are we living in the End Times? To answer that question we turn not to Pope Benedict or Billy Graham, but to born-again Christian actor Kirk Cameron. The star of the "Left Behind" series about a post-Rapture Earth, told CNN`s Anderson Cooper that people shouldn`t look to theologians for an explanation for the dead birds, but to veterinarians. 

Kirk Cameron has spoken and that settles it, we aren`t living in the Biblical end times. The Almighty, like the rest of us, is too busy keeping up with the Kardashians, He simply doesn`t have time to exercise his prerogative to rain dead birds on the heathen. 

These might not be the Biblical end times, but the Earth may be in its death throes due to ecological disasters. Are pollutants and man-made poisons the cause of the mass-deaths of fish and birds? Is the military testing poisons on the birds of the air and fowl of the waters? Is the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP)  funded by the US Air Force and the US Navy to blame? Are extraterrestrials causing havoc for God knows what unearthly reasons?

People are afraid to log on to their computers, and to read their newspapers; every day there`s news of another mass-death of fish or fowl. Is it only a matter of time before people start dropping dead by the thousands?

I don`t know about you, but like the Almighty I`m going to keep up with the Kardashians instead of keeping up with the news! Kim Kardashian is a much more lovely sight than a photograph of thousands of dead birds.