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Published:January 18th, 2011 10:52 EST
A Dear John (Boenher) Letter to The Weeper of The House

A Dear John (Boenher) Letter to The Weeper of The House

By Will Roberts

 

Howdy Mr. Obama, I see where you are having troubles in your HOUSEhold. It would seem that the new tenant, Mr. Boehner, is being a little anti-social. Is this not the person that says he likes Facebooking? Maybe all he needs is a little poke!

I have been reading that he is deliberately ignoring your invitations to events with your circle of friends. I want you to know you should not totally blame yourself. I am sure there are many reasons this could be happening.

1. Maybe he is shy; he does tend to get embarrassed easily and turn red.

2. He is emotional and at a moment`s notice he can break into a sob. Watch out; he might use that one to sway some voters and house members.

So, if you would not mind I drafted a Dear John letter for you to send to the Weeper of the House to see if You can see what`s going on. Like my parents used to say, "It`s my house and you live by my rules, and if you don`t you can move anytime.

 

(Please handwrite so it looks personal)

Dear John (Boehner).

We are going to have to work harder if this whole BI-partisan thing is to work out. I have extended my hand to you on several occasions and all I am getting back is the cold shoulder. To make our relationship fun and exciting I have even offered to pick you up in the Air Force One jet, and on one of our first dates. This is a definite sign I am making the effort.

Please tell me how I might best communicate with you, as people are starting to talk. If you think this power play is going to help you look like the one in control... Remember, I have the master key. Also, we have each made our separate beds and we will have to sleep in them; however, I refuse to live in different houses.

 

Your commander and chief,

Barack O

 

(Totally unrelated)

Oh, by the way, if you are one of my regular readers, Twitter followers or Facebook fans then you know Mrs. Roberts and I had a baby girl 3 months ago. Well I am here to tell you she is doing swell. I thought I had learned all I could have and if you told me that a kid would have been able to teach me a thing or two, I would have told you phewwy! But I learn every day.

I also want you all to know that if you are like me and you don`t sleep much, and find you are mostly creative in the middle of the night, then the baby job is the job for you. It gives me a justifiable reason to be up at 2-3-4-6 all before the daylight breaks. That`s unless you are a vampire! Ooo, now that might get me the readers I want: trick roping, vampire, humorist... Hmmm

Your friend,

Will Roberts

 

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