Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:January 22nd, 2011 00:28 EST

Dead Birds, Now Green Goo Poo? Falls From Sky! Apocalypse At Hand!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Houses along Washington Highway and Berryman Drive in Snyder were hit with a strange yellow-green substance that fell from the sky between 9am and midnight last Tuesday, according to ABC News.


Initial suspicions that the substance was "blue ice," frozen human excrement known to fall from airliners passing overhead were quickly debunked by the FAA.

The year 2011 had a troubling beginning pregnant with doom. On New Year`s Eve it wasn`t confetti, but hundreds of dead birds that fell from the heavens over the town of Beebe, Arkansas. That incident wasn`t an aberration, but a pattern that has repeated itself all over the globe. We have seen mass deaths of birds, fish crabs and cows.

I`m not a fundamentalist, but I think I hear the footsteps of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. There`s a bad moon rising, and I hope I never see the carcasses of birds in the dim moonlight.

Some folks have mocked me for waxing melodramatic, but the wiseacres are silent now that green goo (poo?) is falling from the heavens.

One theory is that the green substance is from seagulls eating McDonald`s French fries and upsetting their digestive tracts. That`s a plausible explanation, who hasn`t vomited green goo after dining at the Golden Arches?

If Green goo falling from the heavens doesn`t get your attention then nothing will penetrate your thick skull, not even if Oprah Winfrey fell through your roof, landed on your lap, and gave you a lap dance, as you screamed from the pain.

Green Goo= Apocalypse! End of story. End of world.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: