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Published:March 8th, 2011 17:24 EST

Hockey Team Honors Charlie Sheen! Winning Move!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A minor-league hockey team is looking to capitalize on Charlie Sheen`s `winning` with a night to honor the fallen `Two and Half Men` star on March 12.

`We picked this date for the Charlie Sheen Night because we figured St. Patrick`s Day was a holiday that Charlie enjoyed celebrating,` said Bakersfield (Calif.)Condors President Matthew Riley in a press release.


To get a ticket for a steal of $2.50 for the Condors, fans can wear a fedora or dress like any Sheen movie character. The first 1,000 males (hey, sexism!) in attendance will receive Sheen face masks on a stick and there will also be two-for-one Tiger Blood Icees.`

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Charlie Sheen has a winning way about him; in spite of all his personal indiscretions his fans still love him to death. I admire and respect Sheen as a comedic actor, but I idolize him for his way with words. The troubled actor`s catchphrases are priceless, even toddlers with droopy drawers are saying "winning" and "Tiger Blood."

Sheen isn`t exactly on a winning streak right now, he`s lost custody of his children and he`s been fired from his hugely popular sit-com. But with his cool fedora, and his goddesses by his side, he retains the aura of a winner.

I applaud the Condors for paying homage to Charlie Sheen, but I could teach them a thing or two about marketing. The hockey team needs to let in for free any woman who dresses like a porn star, this would entice women, and especially men, to show up for the festivities. I don`t give a fig about hockey, but if the female fans were dressed like porn stars, I`d be there chillin` like a villain.

If I tried to channel Sheen and I rocked a fedora, held hands with a goddess, and sprinkled a few Sheenisms into my conversation, folks would say who is that nerdy moron, and who is the crackhead ho with him? Charlie is inimitable, and every sports team in the country should honor the man with Tiger Blood.

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