April 15th, 2011 09:01 EST
What is the Mom Dance?
While I was visiting at my daughter`s college apartment, my daughter and her roommate were telling me how they took their other roommate`s mom out to the bars for some dancing and college decadence. I was laughing along with the girls up until my daughter started to describe how this woman danced in the clubs. She called it the Mom Dance.
I was a bit taken aback and asked, "What is the Mom Dance?" At that point, the two girls stood up and started to sway in place at a brisk speed. Then they swung their arms back and forth simultaneously snapping their fingers.
Insulted by this little demonstration, I said, "Who dances like that? I don`t dance that way!"
"Uh, yes you do. All moms do."
So, in an attempt to prove them wrong, I started to dance. And then it hit me! I do dance the Mom Dance. I never did before. I never had these lame moves. I was voted best dancer in grammar school. I danced on my fair share of tables in college (it was college " that`s all I can say), and now I do the Mom Dance. What is next--support hose?
The two girls saw my shock and tried to comfort me the best way they knew how.
"All moms dance the same way. It happens when you get old," said my daughter who was obviously not a psychology major.
"It`s okay, Mama Cav, my mom can`t dance anymore either,"said her roommate, the compassionate nursing major.
Need I say I was crushed? I have always felt youthful, and now my daughter and her entire generation were lumping me with the frumps who could no-longer- hold-their-own on the dance floor. When I got home, I began facebooking my high school and college friends querying them about the Mom Dance. To my surprise, several had heard about our changing dance moves. The other two, who had not heard about the Mom Dance, left our chat to check their dance moves in a mirror. I tried to warn them that this was not a good idea, but their curiosity was too strong. The shock did prove to be too much as one came back with a box of chocolate doughnuts, and the other a bottle of Tequila which...how shall I say this?...left her totally incapable of typing a coherent sentence. The rest of us finally convinced her to shut down the computer and go to bed.
Well, this whole Mom Dance thing got me thinking. If my once admired dance talent had morphed into something called the Mom Dance, what else in my life had morphed? What other transformations are waiting to take over my once youthful existence? I posed these questions to my daughter the next time she called, and she was ready and willing to give me the answers. (It`s these tender mother-daughter moments that make me appreciate those species that are smart enough to eat their young.)
Mom Jeans Apparently, it does not matter how thin or thick a mom is, she eventually seeks out jeans that sit comfortably upon the waist. Yes, Mom Jeans are meant for comfort- not style, and, as my daughter pointed out, Mom jeans are a must because who wants to see their mom`s thong hanging out the top of low rise jeans.
Mom Undergarments This goes along with the thong thing. According to my daughter, women go from wearing a thong to granny panties the instant a baby is born. Yes, apparently a baby brings with it from the birth canal a woman`s first pair of old lady panties.
Mom Heels Okay, we all own that sexy pair of pumps or sandals with the four-inch heels. You bought them on sale at Bloomies or some other expensive store because they looked so sophisticated, and you swore you were going to wear them at least once a year. Alas, those heels have made it out of their box once, five years ago, for your cousin`s wedding. You wore them for the ceremony, but you knew you were not going to last in them. So, before the reception, you went to the closest Payless store and bought a pair of flats so you could get on that dance floor and dance what you did not know at that time was the Mom Dance.
Mom Glasses I can honestly say that I do not need Mom glasses or what are commonly known as reading glasses. I read fine. I can`t see far, but who cares? I go out to lunch with my friends and they all whip out these multi-colored, fashionable reading glasses that they bought in CVS at the display by the canes and walkers. And they all say the same thing when they put them on, "I hate that I need these glasses, but I don`t mind because these are so cute."
And mental health experts say denial is bad -- I don`t think so.