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Published:April 24th, 2011 12:54 EST

Video: CNN's Anderson Cooper Hates On Jersey Shore's Snooki

By Robert Paul Reyes

"I`m telling you, Snooki is one impossibly lucky, unusually spunky, freakishly tan, beer guzzling, juicehead hugging, muscle loving, Botero body, pint-sized money-making machine. Taking a cue from her own hairdo, she`s getting a huge raise. Snooki and her cast mates will reportedly rake in $100,000 per episode. That`s about 2,857 tanning sessions, which is about what 2,857 tanning sessions, which is about what she probably needs per year."


Anderson Cooper waxing poetic about Snooki

This is just an excerpt of a long monologue Cooper delivered about America`s favorite pint-sized orange-faced diva. To hear the entire spiel click on the video link below.

Cooper made quite a spectacle of himself, overdosing on adjectives and channeling Perez Hilton. It makes me wonder if Cooper acts like a diva when he is at home with his friends.

The CNN anchor could use a few thousand tanning sessions himself, he looks like Casper the Friendly Ghost`s ill-tempered father.

The cable news star should be the last one to talk about anyone`s hair, it looks like he robbed a grave and stole a toupee from an old man`s corpse.

Why is Cooper hatin` on Snooki about her raise, for him $100,000 is just walking around money for Saturday night when he hits all the disco clubs.

Cooper could use a little bit of juice himself, boyfriend needs to bulk up and hit the gym. Bad idea, Cooper might get distracted watching all the dudes work out.

The talking head has some nerve calling Snooki impossibly lucky, homeboy`s mother is the gazillionaire Gloria Vanderbilt.

Cooper, if by some miracle you happen to read this article, don`t hate on me. I`m merely giving you the treatment you dished out on Snooki.

Much love Cooper and Snooki, you bolster my claim that life is basically absurd.

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