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Published:May 17th, 2011 14:18 EST
lazy cakes

Lazy Cakes 'Relaxation Brownies': Mom's Best Friend! Knocks Out Brats

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Two towns in the state of Massachusetts are moving to ban sales of a `relaxation` brownie named Lazy Cakes, laced with melatonin and sold in food markets, after children who ate them required hospitalization.

lazy cakes

The mellowing chocolate treats, which sell for $3 to $5 at food stores and some night clubs, are legal but contain nearly 8 milligrams of the supplemental sleep aid, which is about 25 times the usual amount prescribed for adults."

Reuters

The only relaxation brownies I`m interested in are those laced with marijuana, but Lazy Cakes brownies are a mother`s best friend. If the brats are making a racket and a mother can`t get any peace, all she has to do is throw them some Lazy Cakes. The delicious treats will knock out the little monsters, and the harried mom can focus on playing FarmVille.

Melatonin is a dietary supplement rather than a drug, and it`s not regulated by the FDA. The government should mind its own business, so what if a few kids required hospitalization after eating Lazy Cakes? That`s  a small price to pay for a tasty treat that allows thousands of moms to enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet.

The label on Lazy Cakes advises consumption by adults only, but mothers should listen to fake doctor Robert Paul Reyes: Don`t feel guilty about feeding your children Lazy Cakes! You haven`t earned any experience points playing FarmVille because your kids keep interrupting you!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes