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Published:July 4th, 2011 12:39 EST

What Has Happened to our Horse Sense?

By Donna Cavanagh

A good barfly knows the many types of fun shots that exist from the potent Kamikaze to the sweet tasting American Honey, but even the most intrepid tavern patron would be taken aback by the newest drink being offered by an Australian pub-- horse semen shots.

No, it`s not a silly name to describe a trendy aperitif. It`s truly horse semen that is gathered from horses by hand.  Yes, you read correctly--by hand.  And just so the pub doesn`t gross people out too much, they flavor the semen with apple syrup, so it`s a little easier to swallow.  If anyone wants the specific recipe--and please don`t try this at home--it is one part horse semen, a touch of apple syrup, chill to serve and pour in a shot glass. 

Right off the bat, I have a problem with this drink besides the obvious fact that it is horse semen. Nowhere in the recipe does the word alcohol show up. The only way I would ever try this out, and I would have to be really drunk to even consider this, is if contained  some 200-proof booze. Does proof go up that high?  I need a high octane rating for two reasons: First, I don`t want to be cognizant of  what I am drinking and second, sanitizing purposes.  If I can`t drink bleach with this shot because of the harmful side effects, I will need some kind of sterilizing substance to accompany the beverage on the way down.

I know that the majority of people (I hope) are saying, "Who would drink this?" But apparently, this new beverage is popular with the dare crowd. You know those people who respond to words like "I dare you to climb that mountain" Or "I dare you to spend a night in a haunted house" And I guess now, "I dare you to drink horse semen." 

Is there no end to what people will do on a dare?  The drink is popular with both men and women and mainly the reason for the popularity of this beverage is curiosity.  How much in a rut must one`s life be in that only a taste of horse semen will seem exciting?  As puzzled as I am about those who sample this drink,I have to wonder about the person who came up with this concoction.  How or where or when did someone say, "Would you like to go visit a horse and see if we can get his semen to drink? I think it will be a hit at the bars."

How does the idea for horse semen even come up in a conversation? And when it does come up in a conversation, wouldn`t a normal person reject this idea as being over-the-top? What type of person after hearing a suggestion to develop a drink from horse semen says, "Gee, what a good idea!"

Now, I know that this new cocktail comes from Australia, the land of Crocodile Dundee and Dingoes who eat hapless humans, and I know that Australians are supposedly more rugged and tougher than Americans, but horse semen?  I would think that even the hardiest of people might consider drinking horse semen, apple flavored or not, not a smart action to take. 

Well, if this semen drink winds up swimming  across the Pacific and into North American shores, I probably wouldn`t be too surprised.  If it has an exotic label on it, many will jump at the chance to be the first in the country to try it out.  After all we have embraced sushi, frogs legs, alligator meat, and of course, Rocky Mountain Oysters or bull testicles. Now that I think about it, some people even eat horse meat, so I guess if one is going to partake in that, one has to wonder if horse semen is that much different.  YES, it is!  Okay, I do have a real argument against this--actually, it`s more like a caveat, and it goes something like this, and this is the best I can do under these circumstances: Before one takes a drink from any fountain, one really needs to check out the water supply.