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Published:August 16th, 2011 10:26 EST
You Really Married a Dog!

You Really Married a Dog!

By Donna Cavanagh

"You married a dog." To many men, this statement might seem an insult, but to a groom in India whose bride is a furry, flappy-eared female of the canine culture, the statement in nothing short of true.  Is the groom in love with his barking babe? No, he married the dog to remove a curse that he thinks was placed on him by two dogs he killed and mutilated 15 years ago.

Yes, due to superstition and a curse, the man walked down the aisle with literally a dog. I will admit that I am not a big believer in superstition., but I do not underestimate the fear it inspires.  I have been known to blurt out "Uh oh; I` m screwed" when I break a mirror or if I see a black cat jump in front of my car, but I don`t believe in these fairy tales that control people`s lives and make them make insane decisions. 

So, back to the groom in India .  The marriage to the dog was sanctioned by the town`s religious leader and residents. Why?  Because they were also afraid of the  spirits of two dogs the man had killed. Apparently, these spirits were ticked off. The curse they bestowed on their killer left him paralyzed and deaf. Of course, no one even considered that the cause for this man`s health issues might be one of the many upon many diseases that exist in India not to mention the unsanitary conditions which the majority of  Indian people must endure. No, disease and bacteria-prone surroundings were pushed aside in favor of a curse placed upon on him by the dead dogs. 

In case you are interested, this is how the ceremony went.  The village found a stray dog--yes, they didn`t even bother with a pedigree which to me shoots the whole caste system because that mutt truly jumped up a few caste levels by passing by the pure-bred snobby dogs and marrying a human -- okay, a religious zealot human, but a human nonetheless. 

The stray dog was bathed and donned in traditional wedding robes and forced to marry this guy. I am not sure who spoke for her when it came time for the vows or if there was a canine interpreter on hand to make sure the young bitch bride understood what she was getting into, but the ceremony was completed and a wedding feast ensued.  The human side of the family had all the Indian delicacies and the bride, well, she got a bun. It`s probably because she had no dowry and no family there to represent her. I heard that can affect a wedding feast.  Also noted-- the bride did get cold feet and tried to make a run for it. Hey, maybe the spirits of the dead dogs tried to warn her, but it didn`t matter because she was captured and taken back to her groom.

Will they live happily ever after?  Probably not. I think the cultural and species differences might put the kibosh on this union, plus the groom has stated that once the dog curse is lifted, he will want to get rid of his canine bride and take a human one instead. 

How fickle can he get! As soon as his wife cures his physical woes, she will be thrown over for a two-legged companion, and a divorced woman in India-- human or canine-- is not exactly a catch. 

Should this wedding to a dog shock us?  No, this is the country that gave us the Kama Sutra, and nothing should shock us after this amazing work.  Is there a moral lesson to this story?  Yes, and in fact, there are three:  First: Don`t kill dogs but really don`t kill them in India. You have a lot more to worry about over there than PETA and the ASPCA.   Second: The caste system is dead. One doesn`t have to come from pedigree stock " human or canine " to find a suitable husband. And lastly: if you are a man who says, " Gee, my wife is a dog", you need to call the guy in India and find out  how truly wrong you are.