October 29th, 2011 19:29 EST
Why He Might Still Be Hesitant To Go On One Knee
According to Maslow`s hierarchy of needs, love and belonging come third up on an individual`s way to self-actualization. Well, it can be argued that not everyone gets to follow the hierarchy step by step; some might skip others or totally not attain some. All in all, at some point, humans feel the need to love and belong. In Kenya, love is there but what appears to be the big problem is commitment.
When people are dating, they might feel more at ease once they have meet each other`s families. This is for the simple reason that they are able to access the feeling(s) of the family they are about to join. In most cases females have been noted to be persistent on wanting to meet the man`s family members or at least his closest friends especially if he man is taking too long to do the introduction.
Women might show concern about the man`s family since Kenyan set up requires women to leave their parent`s home and make their husbands home their new abode. This therefore drives them to make the move so as to know how they are going to live with the in-laws to be who in most cases are pain on the neck. They will initiate the move of inviting their partners home for introduction and let everyone know that `that` is the special someone in their lives. If the guy is genuinely into them and is also ready to make the big step (marriage), then one counts herself lucky. Truth is greater part of Kenyan men fear commitment; but before we judge them, let us takes a look at some of the reasons why they are shying away from the big step.
Past Experiences: When a man has had previous bad relationships, he might withdraw from making serious commitments lest he is hurt again. Just like women have feelings and fears, men have them too, although they don`t show it in public.
Tough Economic Times: Guys will always want to appear strong and will be ready to do anything just to win the hearts of the one they love. The tough economic times have however made some guys hold on the `marriage` thing. They don`t want to appear failures before their wives and kids for not being able to provide. This point might also be backed by the high unemployment rate which makes the situation even worse.
Tribalism: The fact that people don`t want to talk about it doesn`t mean it doesn`t exist. Tribalism is still there and people have skillfully crafted stereotypes about their enemy tribes just to prevent members of their tribe from marrying a different tribe. This makes it hard for someone who might be interested in a lady from an outside tribe. Getting blessings from one`s parent is very important in this type of setup, so if one decides to ignore what their kinsmen have said, he might not get blessings. Usually a person is left with guilt and fear that his marriage might not be successful.
Gold diggers: There is always a misconception that women love money and are materialistic. Whether this is true or not, not every woman is a gold-digger though. Media reports have revealed of how men have coned women hundreds of shillings in the name of love. Even with this, some men are still adamant that women are gold diggers. The fear that someone is going to feast on them till they are left with nothing makes them take some little more time to think things over.
Fear of The Unknown: They say marriage is never bed of roses; it has its ups and downs. For this reason, some guys might not want to commit since they are not sure what they might discover ahead. Some of them claim that women can hide their characters for long until they attain what they want. Things change and they realize the lady is no longer the person they married. Some women have also been noted to be malicious. They will give birth and leave their kids at their parent`s only to mention them years later into their new marriage. Men claim it might be too late to end everything due to public criticism.
Lack of Accountability: While some guys might have genuine reasons to refrain from marrying, there are is a popular click who will not simply want to be accountable. They will involve themselves with different women, sire children, but still sit on the fence.
There you have it, so if he takes too long to ask you to marry him, he might just be in any of the above situations. If you were meant for each other nonetheless, he will conquer all these: Love is always the strongest. Wishing you all luck.