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Published:February 24th, 2012 15:46 EST
"Electability" of Republican Candidates

"Electability" of Republican Candidates

By SOP newswire2

Ron Paul

The only people who will vote for him are the ones who really understand what is going on and, unfortunately, they also know he won`t win or, if every other candidate contracted Bird Flu and Paul were elected, he couldn`t achieve any of his goals in Washington, so his supporters don`t vote.  If you didn`t know, Dr. Paul has the insane idea that the U.S. should, at a minimum stop giving money to every other country instead of spending it here and that if our money were only made "as good as gold" once again, Congress couldn`t spend the next three generations` money like they were drunken Wall Street Junior Traders.  Another strike against Dr. Paul is that, since he actually is a medical doctor (Duke) AND served in the military (U.S.A.F.), obviously no one should pay any attention to his positions on military issues, abortion, or health care. What would an obstetrician know about women`s issues compared to a lawyer (Santorum) and a corporate raider (excuse me, investment bank executive - Romney)?

Rick Santorum

Women are obviously his biggest voting block. After all, people like attention and while Mr. Santorum wants the government out of everything else, he is adamant that government carefully supervise women`s eggs and wombs. He could also get the men on his side if he would only point out the sin of Onan, which basically says masturbation is the quick road to hell right beside abortion. (See Genesis Chapter 38 for information about the man who gave onanism a bad name.) Children and condom makers will not support Santorum since he ignores their needs but children can`t vote and condom makers are so busy they probably aren`t paying any attention.

Newt Gingrich

Mr. Gingrich should do very well in the Chicago area, which is well-known for the massive number of deceased voters - those voters unfortunately have no brain activity and therefore can`t remember who Newt Gingrich is.

Mitt Romney

Obviously he will get the votes of everyone in favor of national health care since he started the ball rolling with a similar program when he was Governor of Massachusetts.  Where Mr. Romney will have problems is with Jews and any non-Mormons who object to being baptized into the Mormon church after they die. I`m not an authority on religion but that seems to be about one step away from the primitive idea of killing lots of enemies so they will be forced to serve you in the afterlife.  You did realize that the Mormon church will eventually get around to baptizing you and your family after death, didn`t you? I believe they tried 9 times with Ann Frank. I guess it didn`t take the first 8 times - as the Nazis discovered, it can be hard to convert some Jews.  Certainly Elie Wiesel got a bit upset when he discovered he and his people had made it onto yet another forced conversion list, this one the Mormon list of Holocaust victims and survivors.

Elie Wiesel: Mormon baptism of Holocaust victims "scandalous`

By John McCormick

John McCormick is a reporter, /science/medical columnist and finance and social commentator, with 17,000+ bylined stories. John is a member of The Press Club of Western Pennsylvania, a Certified Reuters Insight Expert Consultant and a senior NewsBlaze writer, who writes incisive, investigative stories.

 

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