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Published:March 1st, 2012 10:38 EST
Can a Text Message Predict our Future?

Can a Text Message Predict our Future?

By Donna Cavanagh

The world may come to an end. I think I believe this. Let me clarify. I don`t think it is going to end in a "Mayan Calendar Explosion kind of way" but in a "It`s over because we all swallowed stupid pills" kind of way.  I thought we hit rock bottom with our love for The Kardashians, but it seems I was wrong.

The moment I realized that society had fallen and can no longer get up, was when I saw a commercial for "I Texted my name and my partner`s name to 7??-??, and it gave me my future baby`s name." (I refuse to write the real number. You will see it on a commercial I am sure, but I cannot knowingly in good conscience lead anyone to this service.)

I hear some of you saying, "So what? It`s just a harmless game that charges standard texting rates. It`s cute"  And to this I will admit that I can see how young love would find this inviting; however, it was the following comment I found online about this service that disturbed me. A young girl, who I hope is just pretending to be a moron, but I am unsure, presented this question to the texting service`s forum or some kind of forum where people discuss these heated topics. This was her query:

"I texted my name and partners name to 7??-??, and it gave me my future babbys name but I hate it and its ugly. Do I have to name my babby that? I don`t want to get thrown in jail. Please help me, I am very scared."

I so wanted to respond to this very dumb girl and say:

Your school system failed you. I understand "babby" is in the urban dictionary, but it is not in Webster`s dictionary, and if you cannot spell the word baby correctly,  you should neither conceive one nor give birth to one despite what Rick Santorum thinks. You paid for a text message--nothing more. Unless you live in Saudi Arabia or some other country where texting and tweeting gets you executed, I am pretty sure the "My Future Baby`s Name Service" is not legally binding. I`ll go out on a limb and make one more assumption: I am willing to bet that the company who offers this magical texting service neither keeps track nor cares what people name their babies. Their only concern is that they get their money for the texts from suckers like you who are willing to pay.

I do hope  that this chick was yanking everyone`s chain, but lately, I cannot be sure.  Do you think that carbon dioxide from global warming is affecting our brains or at least the brains of our youth?  I cannot put my finger on what happened to the world, but the best theory I have is that it a combination of factors: eating too much fast food, watching Two and a Half Men and Jersey Shore and well, allowing stupid parents to breed.

Is there hope for the world?  No, I don`t think so unless some parents come up with a super cell of children who can mate with the moronic ones and wipe the bad brain cells out.  If this emergency procreation does not occur, I think our number is up.  I just hope when everything is about to end, the warnings do not go through a text from a 7?? -?? number because I am not answering.

Photo Credit: WikiMedia Commons